I  find out that the guy I like also likes my friend when hearing about this. It was nutrition that made my heart sink at the hearing of that first thing that popped up in my head was girl code. Girl code is liking your friend's crush which is breaking girl code. I continue to talk about it to my friends until the bell rings. As I am walking to class I see the same guy who asked for my Instagram walk up to me he tells me he wants to walk me to class so I let him. I walk into class with many people asking me if me and him are dating but I say we're just friends. He looks at me with a down face but I say we're friends but talking. I see him smile. I don't know why I said that if I clearly like the guy from my ELA class. This day passes by fast and I hear the bell ring. I get home and it feels like the same cycle. I feel empty even though I have many friends who will always find a way to make me smile. 

When finding out about this I thought about how I was always there for her even at her worst times and she decides to do this when I'm struggling. I really wanted to tell her something but at the same time I always thought about how I want to be the better person instead of being the worst. My mom screams at me and tells me to do the chores that I do everyday. as I am doing them I can see my brother playing on the ps5. I asked my mom why he isn't doing any chores as well as my sister. She says “they are busy”  but they really weren't. She was on her phone doing absolutely nothing. it's always the same thing everyday, always doing the same. I'm getting really tired of it. I finish up my chores and go do some homework. As I finish up I get ready for bed and I check my socials before I go to bed. 

I lied. I didn't sleep. I stayed up all night crying thinking about the fact everyone thinks i'm perfect but im really not. My beauty doesn't change the fact about my feelings. I go to school with no sleep and an empty stomach. As I walk to school I try not to ruin my makeup with tears. I'm always there for my friends but when I need them they say “you're too pretty to be crying.” He saw me crying. “CRAP” I say. He comes running up to me asking if I'm fine.  I say I am but he doesn't believe me. He gives me a hug and tells me “I'm always here for you” and I say “So am I.” We walk the rest of the way to school together. We talked about our summer and what we did. He tells me “If I met you sooner we could have hung out all summer”. The butterflies I get. We eventually get to class. He walks me to my first period. I tell him thank you but he says it's not a problem. I see his friends in my first period they're all saying “oooo you and Ulises?” I try not to blush but I smile. 

I tell my friends all about it. I see one of my friends is kind of looking down with a sad face. I ask her what's wrong. She texts me “I liked Ulises..” I already knew before. Should i be Shocked or not? I ask myself, my friends are in shock so I should've been as well. I forgive, I'm kind, every good thing that happens to me I give it away. I encouraged her to talk to him. My bsf didnt tell me that her friend was asking Ulises to talk to my friend. Or so what I called my “friend”.  I decided to not go to school the next day. Ulises texts me “where are you? Are you okay?” I tell him I'm fine. Instead he calls me and tells me about my friend. I say “Do you like her? She's so pretty” He stays quiet.. She's next to him. I know because I hear her laugh. I hung up. How was I so dumb?All I thought about was my friend. I was ALWAYS THERE for her. 

My parents figured that I wasn't okay, they talked to me but I started crying because I felt like i've never been asked if I was okay till people saw I wasn't. I got sent to a therapist, they thought it would help but my therapist requested a mental hospital because I have an “Eating disorder” and “severe anxiety”. I went there for about 2 weeks. I might think I made more friends here than at school. I saw so many teenage girls/boys there. My roommate had the same problem I had. I'm guessing the hospital puts people with the same issue in the same room. Her name was Andrea, such a beautiful name. Me and Andrea became very close friends.. Except she was from Texas and I'm from California. Her parents wanted a new chapter here in california. 

Two weeks later I'm out, I say my goodbyes but I'm glad I'm finally out. I decided to stay home the rest of the day. I had to eat dinner. It felt weird.. It felt awkward, as if I wasn't supposed to be here. I decided to make small talk with my siblings but I saw my mom tell them something. I'm sure she told them to not talk to me. I felt like I had done something wrong. I felt left out. I feel their eyes judging me. 

I go to my room and I decide to stay there for the rest of the day. I have school the next day, so I decide to take the bus this time. My mom got mad at me in the morning and decided to take my phone away. I act unbothered to get her more mad. I get to school and I start crying because My mom is always  blaming everything on me. I forgot to take my wristband off from the hospital so everyone looked at my arm. I start getting anxious. 

I end up forgiving. Even if it means having to let go of things. And even if it means apologizing for something I didn't do because I want to be a bigger person. But i knew it was the end of something beautiful.