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Diary Of An Ironic Girl
May 14, 2010
Dear Journal,
Today is my birthday and I turned 17 finally. I wanted to wait and write in you when I had a fancy ink pen but I had to write in you on my birthday b/c today’s the day I got you. I wanted a different journal that I saw online but I love this one just the same b/c my mom picked it out and I rather save the other one for my graduation present. HAHA!
Well today is Friday and my birthday and it’s rainingL not really sad b/c I love the rain I wish I could go play in it but I’ll most likely get sick. No thank you:{
This year has flown by so fast---I mean as in school year. I’m a junior at Camelot High School in Camelot, Texas. This year is the one I know I’ll never forget after graduation. This has been a crazy WACKADOO!!! year. Not only academically but socially and there have been a lot of interesting things happening. Let me start from the beginning---the very first day of school---I’ll try to remember everything and try to tell you everything exactly happened.
Well this year we didn’t have enough money to get my hair braided at the beginning of the year as usual so I went natural but looked beautiful. I have 8 periods 1- Dance 2-Mentoring 3- English III DC 4- World History Honors 5- Computer Systems 6- Geometry Honors 7- Spanish III 8- Chemistry.
All my teachers are pretty good. I have a new director in Dance. She’s younger and more upbeat and can really be fun at times she has helped us --- tremendously and our pep rallies have been so much better than last year.
I’ve made a lot of new friends and---I guess you can say---have moved up in the social pyramid---in plain English: I’ve gotten a lot popular. People that I’ve never thought I would talk to, hang out, or be friends w/ I am doing that.
But one person has affected my year the most. His name is Tad . As I went to each of my classes I would check out who was all in them. I walked in and sat down and looked around and I didn’t see anyone that I hung out w/ in there. Tad was in this class. This was 3rd period English III DC. Next was 4th period World History Honors I walked in and sat down and as others walked in I checked out who was in the class. Tad was in this class as well. I didn’t take notice of him until I went to my next class. 5th period Computer Systems we were told to sit in a circle of chairs. I sat down then I saw him sit down and I thought to myself. “Dang! I swear I just had him in my other class. Maybe not.” There was C lunch then I headed to 6th period Geometry Honors. I looked around and I was so happy to see Tara & Jackie & Carol in there. Tad was not in this class. But he was in 7th period Spanish III however. And he sat behind me. “How many classes did I have with this dude?” By Wednesday I found out I had four classes with him. That day in 5th period we started working in vocabulary. Everybody went to the drafting tables that lined the walls. Mine was in the “up” position so I was told to put it down. Unfortunately, it was stuck like somebody glued it. “We can share this one” Tad said. I just nodded and got a chair and sat down. I started writing and I guess he writes slow b/c I was halfway through. “Dang! Why you writing so fast? Slow down so I can catch up.” He says. I just look at him and smile. He had a strong country accent but not like---hillbilly country---but like cowboy/rancher country. I liked it. Anyways sometimes my mind wonders and I start to doodle. I drew an eye b/c I’ve been practicing on human features when I sketch. I was smiling and admiring my work and I looked up and he was watching me and looking at the eye I drew. I just smiled awkwardly and went back to work. I was really quiet b/c it was the first week of school & I never talked to anybody in that class before.
That whole week we had to sit in a circle in that class. We had to tell things about ourselves. I hated doing that--- it just felt weird & I hated not sitting at desks. ***I’m very self-conscious about my thighs.*** Anyways we kept doing more book work. Then every day was a free day. Basically the whole first semester. One day I came in and sat down in one of the chairs in the circle. I can’t remember which one sat down next to me first Mark or Tad. But Mark sat down on my left and just looked at me. Tad sat down on my right and he did that head thing like “Waz up?” I just smiled. I felt so uncomfortable and crowded w/ them both one on either side---I felt trapped. They both said little comments and remarks---I can’t remember any of them---but I know I was caught off guard but I couldn’t help smiling.
As I said everyday was a free day from then on. So every day I came into 5th period and went to one of the drafting tables and put my bag down. Then I went to the computer that was right next to it. [I did this everyday—same table—same computer] I can’t remember how it all started but Tad & Mark sat over there w/ me too. Anyways I always got in the class before them, put my bag down and logged-on the computer, went to myjellybean.com, looked up my horoscope, then logged-off. When they finally came to class we all sat at that same table. Soon we all became good friends. We talked & laughed about stupid stuff and even told a part of our life stories. But the most thing we did or they did was interrogate me!!! They would ask me every personal question there was from sex to pads. I know WACKADOO!!! right.
Well as the semester went on we all got close especially me and Tad. Like I said I would come in every day and put my bag down but then Tad started coming in every day and hugging me from behind. So every day I came in put my bag down Tad would come up behind me and hug me. I love his hugs. Well it’s my senior year 11/24/10 and I still wish he hug me like he used to. I feel like crying. You see I feel in love with him and we don’t speak to one another at all anymore. I was about to tell everything that happened between us my junior year but it just hurts too much to repeat it for the hundredth time. I hate admitting, saying, writing, and even thinking “I love him” about Tad. Gosh, I’m trying so hard to hold back tears. I mean, we haven’t talked since May 21, 2010. But I can’t stop thinking about him. And if I do I know he’s still in the back of my mind.
Lately everybody has been telling me I’m very secretive, frozen, cold-hearted or mean or that I’m boxed up. Even a teacher said it. But Tad was the first person to tell me that. I’ve never thought that about myself. Tara said it to me but only when I asked her. It just seemed last year that he knew everything about me. I would try to hide what I was thinking or feeling but he always knew. I miss him---I mean I see him every day at school---but I miss talking to him. You know his voice got deeper I heard it when I was in the theater during his class. It hurts so so so bad. I tried to forget him and even thought I did at one point. Tell myself & friends that I don’t like him (love him) anymore and I even believed it myself. But if I didn’t then why do I still think about him and his impact on me I’m so grateful for it too! I know what love feels like---I thought I never would---but thanks to him, Tad, I do. Love---it’s the worst feeling to have for someone when you don’t have it in return.
Now things are seeming useless to me now. Without love I feel empty & useless and pathetic. I feel as if my life is worthless. I want to say hi or give him a hug but I keep picturing him looking at me like I’m crazy. HAHA:D! I just wish it was like before. Him grabbing my hand and just holding it. Him singing a country song to me. Him wearing my bracelet. Him kissing me on my head and say, “What!?! I just gave you a kiss”. I’m losing the memories of all those good times and I don’t want to! I need them.
At night I wonder if he ever thinks about me. B/c I think about him at least once a day. And I keep having this little flicker of hope—no—a gnawing knowing in the pit of my stomach that he loves me back or at least likes me. I regret not going out to eat w/ him. And ignoring him and distancing myself from him. I wanna be close to him. I miss him. I miss him so much. Am I really in love with him? Is this what love feels like? Where you ache to see and touch him or talk to him? Where you hide or run from him? Where you stay up til 3a.m. and cry over him? Where you cry for no particular reason at all? Where you write a ten page entry in your journal about him? Where you try to get into a college in a different state to forget about him? Where you hope he talks to your friends about you b/c you don’t have any classes with him? Where your heart is frozen and you won’t let another guy in because you still “have hope”? Where you busy yourself and over work and over tire yourself to get him out of your mind? Where you eventually write a story about him and win an Academy (or whatever) award for the book? Where you go in depression for a reason unknown to you or just won’t admit to yourself?
I don’t really know but I refuse to fall in love again Ha which I can’t if I already am in love. And refuse to get married since you can’t get married to a person you don’t love. Tell me, What is love? Will I ever get him out of my mind and every thought? Will I ever stop thinking and just let go?
I’m 17. Ha I’m 17. How can I be in love? Many Adults would probably ask this question. I’ve teared up many times as I wrote this incredibly long entry but haven’t actually let the tears just flow.
Now I’m doing and saying crazy things. Telling friends I want a man in my preferred age range of 22-35! It would be incredibly exciting and I wouldn’t fall in love I know.
I gotta stop not its getting too hard to stop crying!
Aria
December 2, 2010
Dear Journal,
Today has been a very interesting day. Well let me first tell what’s been happening. Well the Tuesday before we got out of school for thanksgiving I went to the boys’ basketball game. And as I was waiting out in the hallway by the concession stand Tad came in and passed by. OMJ! He looked so fine in his plain black shirt. Then he left and I figured he went to pick up his girl b/c they always are at the games together. But when I saw him come back and sit in the gym I noticed she wasn’t w/ him and she never came. “They broke up!” I thought to myself. But I wasn’t sure I needed some more clues---proof. Well the following Sunday I went on Facebook and looked at a friend of mine’s profile. I noticed he had added a lot of people. One the pic looked familiar---YES!!! It was her---Tad's girl. But she had a different profile pic. She took down the pic w/ him and her. That was my other clue but I still wasn’t sure. So I looked at Tad’s profile and he’s status said: “You’re gonna miss me” ßor something like that nature! This was my third clue. I was like what the heck happened I wanna know so bad. As I went to school Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and today I got more proof of my guess. He hasn’t walked her to class the whole week or met up w/ each other after second period or lunch transitions.
Now on Monday me and my bestie, Jackie, went to Chicken Express, ate, then she took me back to the school for rehearsal. While we were waiting we noticed Tad and his girl’s cars by each other and they were talking. So we got closer so we could see better Bahaha!!! :D He ended up getting in her car w/ her and they sat there and talked then drove somewhere else. “Well I guess they just got back together” I said and was kinda sad. But was still happy for him.
Now Tuesday they weren’t walking together I noticed again and they ignored each other at lunch. I was like “WOW!! I was wrong they didn’t get back together.” Earlier that day on the way to second period I told my bestie Tara, who has this class with Tad, to tell Tad I said he was a Hottie Ba-Chottie! Then at lunch he said “Hi Aria” and I smiled and said “Hi Tad” YAY! :D I was so happy.
Now wedensday he said Hi to me at lunch again I am so happy that we’re building up our friendship again.
Now today has put the topping on the cake that I am 100% sure they have broken up. Well I saw them talking after second period then when he came up the stairs and past me I noticed he looked agitated. But the biggie was at lunch today. The bell rang at the end of B lunch which was our cue to leave and go back to class. But Tara was taking her sweet time drinking the rest of her Gatorade. I kept begging her to hurry up b/c I knew she was doing it on purpose so Tad could say Hi again. Then I heard Tad’s girl or ex-girl I should say talking. I looked to my left and they were standing there talking---well at least she was {:{ She hugged him once but he didn’t hug her back. She hugged him about 3 times. Then she was like “We should hang out tonight! You, me, Jordan, and Casey.” But Tad just stood there and didn’t say anything. And finally as he was going toward the lunch line she grabbed and tried to hold his hand but he yanked it back and kept walking!!!
I couldn’t believe my eyes! I couldn’t believe my emotions either! HAHA I wanted to cry for some reason. Weird, huh? I just couldn’t believe it!
But the one thing that made this day a wonderful day was when I had to come back up to school at 5:30 for Opening Night.
My mom dropped me off and I went up to the door and pulled it open. But just before I was about to go in I heard someone yell to me “Hey can you hold the door for us?” “I know that voice” I said. I turned around and saw that faithful white Jeep! It was Tad! So the other guys and him were running up to the doors. I decided to go b/c it was already unlocked.
This other guy came to the door and wanted me to open it “It’s unlocked” I said but when the guy pulled it---it turns out it was locked. So I push it open and start walking away. They come in and that guy says thank you. I say you welcome! Then I hear Tad’s voice and he says:
“Aria! Thank you! Thank you so much for holding open the door. Nobody opened the door like that for us. I appreciate it. And I praise you for holding open the door. I praise your dancing. I recorded your dances and I watch them all the time! Thank you Aria. Okay we’re just gonna follow you. Naw I’m just playing.”
During the whole speech I had to keep repeating “You’re welcome”. And “Thank you”.
I loved talking to him I would have talked to him longer but it was like 5:25 already.
Finally I got to talk to him again. I love him. WOW! It still shocks me to say it Bahaha!!! :D
Aria
December 11, 2010
Dear Journal,
Well today I went and took my ACT I hope I did very well. I just really want a 24 or higher. Anyways after the test I went home and picked out what to wear to the Dance. I couldn’t wait to see Ty again but sadly he wasn’t there L. But Jerry was. And we danced three times and he kept winking at me. Loved it! And he smelled so good! Mmm Mmm Good! Bahaha! But I had an embarrassing moment. And it involves Jason another guy I like. Well a girl that doesn’t go to our church but is a really good friend of all ours was there her name is Lanie. Well I told her I thought Jason was cute and I wanted to dance w/ him.
She suggested me and her go over and I ask him to dance and she asks his friend. But I wasn’t up for that. Then later Annie said to me “Ooh look there he is! I heard you wanted to dance with him.” Lanie obviously had told her. Then later I saw Becky over beside him and pointing in our group’s direction. I got this horrible feeling he was about to ask me to dance. So I left and went to the bathroom hoping that he would forget or the dance would end before he could or something!
As I made my way back to my seat the feeling came back. When I was sitting down I looked in his direction and I knew right then and there he was gonna come over and ask me. I begged him mentally “Please don’t come over here. Please don’t.” But he did! And asked me to dance. Of course I said Yes! b/c I’ve been wanting to for a while. But I felt like crap and really pathetic like I couldn’t get a guy to ask me to save my life. But as we danced I noticed he was really cute & hot & sweet & funny. After our dance though I wanted to cry. And, my best friend in the church, Marsha was pissed. But now that it happened I’m actually happy and glad they did that. I finally got to dance w/ him. He kept me laughing & smiling. Hope we’ll get to dance again someday or him keep me warm at the outside dance. But I still couldn’t stop thinking about Jerry and especially—most of all—Ty. I missed him so much. WACKADOO!!!
Aria<3
M.S.S
Until next time stay Peachy Keen! Mwah!
Love my cursive Handwriting<3
December 26, 2010
Dear Journal,
It’s the day after Christmas!!! Well I had a very Merry Christmas yesterday! It was really interesting too! I’m sorry I’m writing so sloppy I guess it’s just the way I’m feeling. Well this week of my two-week holiday break has gone by slowly but my last year of high school has gone by so quick! The first semester is almost over we have two weeks left.
Anyways I’m feeling proud of myself and sad and depressed and my mind has been running nonstop lately. I’m thinking and thinking and thinking about everything. I have a lot--- I mean a lot on my mind. College—Tad—Homework—Family. It’s affecting and hitting me hard.
Well I just said I was feeling all these feelings well I’m gonna try to explain to you why for each one.
I’m feeling proud because I took a risk and a chance at Love I guess you say Haha!!! :D Well I texted Tad on December 22, 2010 and asked him: “Would you like to hang out one day next week?” I’m so proud of myself I took a risk and was afraid but I’ve been wanting to hang out w/ him for over a year! But the sad thing is he didn’t answer back so that’s why I was having the feeling of being sad. Then I felt depressed b/c as I was looking in my phone through my contacts and I noticed that my Facebook-update-thingy-majigger had put profile pics of people that I have in my phone on their contact page in my phone. (Confusing I know!). So I went to Tad’s contact and the pic was of him and his, what I thought was, his ex-girl. So I just got so depressed. But strangely I was still happy for him. I’ve learned that when you love someone---I mean really love someone you’re happy for them even though they are w/ someone else or they don’t even know you exist!
I miss him. I miss his hugs and that one kiss! OMJ!!! I feel like I’m going crazy! I have so much on my mind this year. My mind has been reeling and reeling. I keep saying I love him! I love him! But it’s not out loud but not necessarily silently in my mind either. Idk what that is called.
Anyways well I actually had a wonderful Christmas. Me & my sister connected w/ our cousins again. Brittney and the twins {Rosalynn and Renesia}. I found out some interesting things about them all including my sister! Wow! Shocker! Haha J
Now I keep repeating that quote from the 90’s version Sabrina:
“I went for long walks and wrote nonsense in a journal.”
That’s exactly what I’m doing! But I felt needed to write and get this crapola! Out! Haha Jß idk why I keep putting that. B/c I don’t feel like laughing but a little bit like crying but I refuse to b/c my mom and sister will see and ask what’s wrong. And to tell them “Tad!” would be embarrassing.
Also yesterday I was able to get in touch w/ Hannah—my bestie that graduated last year—again! And I haven’t talked to her about everything that has happened between me and Tad since she left. And she told me something I wasn’t expecting to hear:
“I think yall should talk cause it’s obvious that yall are heads over heels for each other”
Also
“Neither one of yall wanted to stop talking to each other but yall got the wrong vibe from each other so yall pushed away. With that being said when yall did decide to talk about why yall weren’t communicating with each other, yall both insisted on blaming each other. Now, yall have started talking to each other and are flirting like old times cause yall feel the positive vibe again and that’s why I say that.”
So imam try again later but not too soon probably next semester. Idk I just wanna wait and see what he says about the first text I sent him about hanging out. If he says something I’ll take it from there. But if he doesn’t I’m just gonna let it go even though it’s gonna kill me.
I have a feeling I’m about to cry. Yep! Here comes the flood. Idk why---I don’t think it’s just b/c of Tad---it’s the depression too! I haven’t been truly happy since May 21, 2010 a week after my 17th birthday. You know Tad gave me a real hug on that day. I miss him. I see him every day but I miss him. Idk what that means or how to explain that but I really really miss him.
I think that’s what imma have to do. I really do have a gut feeling that I’m not gonna get over him or this thing {if we never get together} and just end up traveling the world but never get married but have pets as children Haha J It doesn’t sound that bad though J I think I might really enjoy that!
Well that’s all I could get out of this filled head of mine HaHa! contradiction.
Stay
ρ€@©h¥ Keen!
Aria♥
December 29, 2010
Dear Journal,
Well I just got up. Yeah I woke up several times but didn’t get up. I have this terrible crick in my neck. HAHA I wish I had Tad to help me relax today. You have no idea what I’m talking about do you? Well I’m talking about last year my junior year. It was in third period and we were supposed to be watching a movie called Scarlet Letter because that was the book we were reading at the time. Anyways I was watching but of course Tad wasn’t who was sitting behind me at this point. With his best friend Stu beside him so I knew there was gonna be some trouble. Well like I said I was watching the movie. Then all of a sudden I feel hands on my shoulder then they go to my neck and scrunch or tense up [however you say it].
“Stop.” I whisper because the movie was going and I was sitting by, our teacher, Mrs. McGill’s desk!
“I’m just trying to help you relax. What, did that hurt?”
“No…I’m just…I’m ticklish.”
“Oh…you’re ticklish, huh?”
Then he starts tickling me everywhere--- I mean my sides, my neck, my arms. And I’m sitting there squirming in my seat trying not to make a lot of noise.
Another memory just came to me. I was going into the same class---walking in. He walks in behind me and tucks the tag in on my jacket! I jump like an idiot. Haha that was funny!
{I can’t wait to write this all down as a story. Non-Fiction, of course J}
I love Tad and even if he doesn’t love me back or even like me---I’ll love him forever. He has changed my life and I want to thank him for it. And I think I will on Facebook today. Idk how I will put it though. As you have probably noticed my handwriting has gotten much better. Tata for now. Going to the library.
Stay ρ€@©h¥ Keen!
Aria
December 30, 2010
Dear Journal,
Well I did it! I know I said I was going to do it yesterday but my mind was blank I didn’t know how to go about it. I was kinda rushing myself also because it’s the last few days of the break. I didn’t want to do it once we got back in school because just in case he does see it I won’t have to face him right after. Haha. But he hardly ever goes on Facebook and he doesn’t pay any attention to my statuses and I know for a fact he doesn’t get on my profile. So I think I’m safe. It really wasn’t that bad just the truth. I mean we’re about to graduate anyways so no holding back. This is exactly what I said:
“Because you my lil moms and he’s obviously is making you upset and I’ll kick his bobo!” Why was that the first thing that came into my mind this morning?...I guess because this person changed my life…thank you.”
My friend Shavoya liked it and commented a nickname of mine. Haha Tad used to call me that. I bet he still would if we had classes together. My sister commented too basically telling me I was insane to do that on Facebook. But I wasn’t scared---not anymore…it’s time to stop being scared. I’m basically grown women. Now the quote that was put on there was of course from Tad’s own mouth. Well he said that after I told him Jeff wouldn’t be able to come down after second time. He was mad---no not mad---angry! Yes! He was angry and threatened to beat him up---well not threaten really because I know he would never threaten anyone he’s too sweet for that. That’s why I love him! Booya!!!
Well imma be home alone tonight and it’s kinda depressing but I would like some time alone---to do the usual write, read, homework, clean, listen to music, and of course cry…maybe a little daydreaming on the side…I kinda need to cut down haha lol J
The Christmas break is about to be over and I’m about to graduate. I’m just ready to get on with my life with or without Tad idk. But I hope with. I swear I cry every week for some reason unknown to me. But I guess it’s good for me. Ya know filtration {I might write like this for now on. It’s very cute and adorable.} I’ve been wanting to text him for a long while now idk if I should I mean it’s worth a try but after that Facebook status maybe I shouldn’t because maybe he’s seen but hasn’t said anything to me about it. Idk. I’m ready to get as far away as possible from here as I can. But just to make it known if Tad doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do about him I’m gonna be crushed but I’ll move on but I will never love again I just have this gut feeling and if I do I’ll probably make whoever it is miserable. Well that’s all I can seem to say.
Stay
ρ€@©h¥ Keen!
Aria♥
January 21, 2011
Dear Journal,
Well I have an update on Tad. Well I gave him a card for his birthday again. This time the card had a dog on the front that looked just like the new puppy he got for Christmas—his name is Tank. Haha J also I got a puppy collar for his pup hahaJ I wanted to get green (that’s his favorite color) but they didn’t have any green. So I got blue (reminded me of his eyes heheJ). Anyways he was really happy and said thanks twice. HahaJ Here’s the textvo:
Me: “Hey, hey”
Tad “Hey thank you soo much for my card it was really nice of you!”
“Oh you welcome! I thought it would make you laugh”
“It did thank you!”
“You’re very welcome! Did you have an awesome birthday?”
“Yess mam!”
“Yay! I’m glad to hear it! And hope you got everything you wished for ;)”
So that went smoothly yay! I was so happy. But I almost didn’t give it to him—idk but some feeling kept warning me not to give him the card.
I soon found out why I had that feeling. Yesterday morning we were texting and he tells me:
“I’m in your Physics class now”
“No you aren’t!”
“Yess”
“oh”
Haha was stunned but the surprising thing was that I wasn’t nervous (well not until fourth period) and when we got to fifth he looked right at me. Sadly he was on the opposite side of the room. But kept looking at me especially when Dustin leaned on my shoulder and after Dustin left for soccer. Oh my Jesus! I missed him but NOW I’m not shy or nervous around him but my anxiety is way up there—I wanted him to call my name and talk to me like he used to. For him to hug (even kiss) me or just hold his hand. I love that boy! And I’m not afraid to admit it. I hope I get to be close to him next six weeks. He just might say something @ the game tonight. He asked if he could hang out with the girls and me. I said YES! of course. I’ve said No too many times and I’m not about to miss my chance now. Haha J. Idk but I have this little flutter of hope that me and him become closer. Yay! J
Well that’s all I got for now. So I’ll just keep you posted, kk? Groovy! B) ;)
Mwah (kissing Tad) haha J
STAY ρ€@©h¥ Keen!
Aria ♥
January 31, 2011
Dear Journal,
Well it’s been ten days and it feels like it’s been ten months! Anyways let me tell you what’s all been going on. Well @ this point—like right now me, Jackie, and Carol are no longer Tara’s friend: we hate her. Why?
1.
She’s a liar! (Hence her nickname Pinocchio)
2.
She puts her boyfriend before anyone else all the time!!!
3.
She treats her family like crap (excluding her new little sister)
4.
She treats us like her little puppy-dogs/servants/followers
5.
Never listens to our problems and expects us to listen to her!
6.
She wants us to listen and give advice but when we do she basically trashes it and calls us stupid!
7.
She’s a hoe/hooker/skank
She’s been lying since the 6th grade and we’re fed up! She lies for no reason now---you don’t believe me when I say “no reason” here’s an example:
Bobby says: “I love animals”
She’ll say: “I’ve seen a pink giraffe!”
That’s how ridiculous and stupid and pathetic her lies and her own self are. But what I hate the most about her is that she doesn’t give a Funky Rat’s Ass! About me or my feelings.
Like I told you in a previous entry Tad moved into my 5th period. NOW that me and Tara are not friends anymore she flirts like hell with him RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE! I hate that BITCH! She was rubbing on his back flipping her hair and wiggling her feet and ass in his face. That BITCH better not cross my path alone out of school ever because I will WOOP THAT ASS! STOMP THAT ASS! BITCH! SKANKY ASS BITCH ASS WHORE!
STAY ρ€@©h¥ Keen!
Aria ♥
February 13, 2011
Dear Journal,
I’m back with updates. Well nothing has gotten better. Tara is still everything in that list I wrote in the previous entry. It gets worse…now Tad and her text…and he doesn’t talk to me anymore. It’s getting harder to go to 5th period and hear them talk so “friendly” to each other. I decided I’m not going to school tomorrow. Just it being it Valentine’s Day is already bad enough. But I am going to practice. I gotta forget Tad again—I’m tired of having to be the one to always text first. He can go get hit in the eye again with a freakin baseball. I already hate Tara. Now thanks to her I hate him too! I hate you? I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU Tad!
♫ I hate that I love you so♪♪. Still love the boy but I hate him now. He stares at me in class or hopefully he’s just staring off into space. But if he’s not he need to STOP! Don’t stare at me if you won’t even say hi.
I’m so glad I’m going out of state to college and I get to fly! Bahaha!
Forget Tad he ruined my “career” last year….and I’m not gonna let him do it again!
I wish I had never met him. He better not come up to me ever and say anything.
Gotta get him outta my system hahaJ so funny! I kinda hope he comes up to me so I can look @ him like he’s crazy—that crazy look he gives me I’ll give it right back.
GRADUATION!! Hurry Up!
STAY ρ€@©h¥ Keen!
Aria ♥
February 14, 2011
Dear Journal,
Well today is Valentine’s Day! YAY!!!~~~~~~YAY??? Nope! I decided to not go to school. Why you ask—because I had a special date to go to…yeah I found a guy. Haha. We’ve been getting to know each other for the past month and half! OMJ! Right. Oh! Why haven’t I ever talked about him? Well because it’s not really safe for us to have a relationship. How can a relationship be dangerous? Well because I’m 17 and he’s 27. I know. I know…WOW! But he has gotten me out of my depression and over Tad…well not a lot bit it gets better every day just being with him.
Anyways Jackie and Carol think I was just staying home because I hate Valentine’s Day. No! I actually spent the whole day with him. It was RISKY—I know! But we both wanted to have the best first Valentine’s Day so of course we had to be together. Haha he bought me a lion and said
“This represents how strong my love is for you!” It sounds corny but it was really sweet. I was shocked—he loves me? I couldn’t stop smiling after that—haha—I just couldn’t. I hate lying to my best friends but I don’t think they would understand. He makes me feel beautiful and happy. I love him. Olive Juice!!
But what seemed to ruin it was when my best friend Jackie told me Tad asked why I wasn’t at school. It wasn’t her telling me that ruined it was just that he had the nerve to ask. He needs to keep my name out of his mouth! I’ve cried too many times over him. And crushed my own dreams by trying to prove to him I was interested. I have forget him—not just because I need/want to but because I have a guy that loves me now---I thought I’d never love again but I found him. I love you!
STAY ρ€@©h¥ Keen!
Aria ♥
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