I was deeply affected by my mother's decisions in my childhood. As the child of an addict I understand how it feels to raise yourself and younger siblings. I have a high amount of sympathy for other children in the foster care system or that have trauma. It is very difficult to watch a parent, especially your primary caregiver, struggle with addiction with minimal effort to overcome it. 

I vividly remember the fear for not only my safety but the safety of my siblings as we were surrounded in a poor situation. We were witnesses and victims to severe domestic violence and abuse. We had very little support from our primary caregivers and it affected us all differently. I developed a quiet, anxious, and protective personality. My younger brothers adapted by acting out to receive attention from our mother. It was difficult to try and make sense of the abuse, neglect, and poor decisions from my mother and surrounding adults at age 11. By the time I was removed from my mother’s care at age 11 I had faced mental, emotional, physical, and medical neglect and mental, emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. My mothers two marriages after her divorce with my father when I was 2 have striking similarities. Both were to registered sex offenders, drug users, and men who were harmful to her health as well as the health of me and my younger half brothers. I was removed but that does not mean that my story stops there. I was placed in a kinship placement with my maternal aunt. My life in that placement started out easy. It became harder over time. My mother still attempted to continue the damage. At age 15 I completely stopped all contact with her.

I have since grown. I am no longer the scared little girl who they hurt, though a part of  me will always be tortured by the images I wish I could forget. I want to help other children who have had a situation similar to mine. I want to give light to someone in a dark time because I know I needed it. Abuse is something no one, especially not a child, should face alone. With experience of all recognized major types of abuse I believe that I will be able to connect with these children in a way others cannot. I wish to be an advocate in court cases for these children and help them not only face their abusers but stand up against them. I also want to foster these children and help them find a safe and happy environment in which they do not fear for their safety. Though forgiveness of my abusers is not possible in the near future I hope that as I heal from my trauma I can begin to forgive as well. I write novels with characters with trauma in their backgrounds to let these children see themselves in literature. I express myself through my writing and dance. Literature has and will always be a part of my life. I am aware that I will never be the person I was before my trauma occurred. I will not let my past stop me from becoming the person I want to be and helping others. I would not change my past if I could because it makes me the person that I am today. I hope my experiences will inspire hope, compassion, and empathy in others. Using my past to help others will never erase the hurt but it will make the lessons I learned from it worth knowing.