???Dumpy the Clown Drinks a Lot Then Dies ?
One beautiful morning, when the sun had just barely come up, Dumpy the Clown arose from his bed that reeked of booze. His apartment, located in the most ghetto part of town, so ghetto that when there was a stick-up or robbery, the criminal would twist their gun 720 degrees in their hand, nearly breaking their hand completely off. This has sadly happened a few times. Please donate to this cause. Anyways, Dumpy’s apartment was very dirty, and usually had about two or three feet worth of empty bottles of assorted alcoholic beverages on the floor. Poor Dumpy was a chronic –that's being a bit subtle . . . try, say, his blood ran shiny brownish with booze.
?This morning, Dumpy felt warm inside, maybe happiness, maybe some crazy disease that Dumpy was the first to carry . . . anyways, he probably felt happy, even though Dumpy was not the happiest recently-fired-from-the-clown-busines-for-not-being-a-smiley-clown-that-made-children-laugh-with-delight-clown-but-a-chain-smoking-drunken-clown-that-flirted-with-the-birthday-boy’s-mother-clown. He was depressed for a lot of reasons, and never really smiled. But that doesn't matter, because he was headed to his 24/7 job of begging at the entrance to Chuck-e-Cheeses. There, for the past couple of days, he had been opening doors, and having his teeth knocked out for trying to pick-pocket four year-olds. But today he had to beg no more, because a certain three year-old’s mother had caught him prying at her son’s pocket. She sued, and homeless people don't usually carry three thousand dollars and 57 cents, but Dumpy could pay 14 cents, some pocket fuzz, and a paper-clip, but that wasn't quite enough, as you can tell.
?Dumpy was sentenced 3 years prison. Poor Dumpy, he couldn't survive 20 minutes on the bus! How could he possibly come out of this one!?
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?Come back next time, kids, to find out how many times Dumpy got punched in the gut by his fellow inmates before he throws up the 23 gallons of vodka that he drank just before he went to court!
?You know what . . .? I don't want to write another half page of this garbage . . . he doesn't get punched at all by his “fellow inmates”. He dies of a heart attack before he got into the police car . . . whatever.