My eyes, darting around, slicing the room into sections, make me dizzy. Long repetitive bars in front of me, separate me from the world outside of jail.  Drip, drip, drip; the water faucet isn’t turned off. I am breathing heavily and with each breath, anger builds inside of me, all the way up to holding my breath. Stars flicker in my mind, letting my breath pop, like a balloon falling on a needle. I sprawl out on the stinging cold floor, lifeless for a few seconds, then my mind overwhelms me.

I woke up different this morning, with a different intention. Something inside of me made me excited, as I searched for something to eat. I settled on some stale toast, and I hopped from the back to the couch to turn on the TV. I flipped through the lengthy list of channels, but none caught my eye, so I decided to travel into my office.

    When I got there, I peered from outside the room and it was almost like a magnetic force pulled me into my blue drawer, under my desk. Letting myself open it, I looked down and there it was, staring up at me, begging me to take it. At that moment, the heavy gun in my hand, felt more like a feather, and I felt like a kid getting a new toy, I could do anything.

    It wasn’t hard getting myself out of my house. My actions overpowered my little bit of uncertainty, and I kept walking. My foot, chasing the other, made me fly down a hill. I was feeling a rush of adrenaline over my body and vaguely knew what I was about to do. The bike path around the corner, the entrance covered in big flimsy trees, came into my sight, and I took it. Nerves traveled up and down my spine and I almost turned around, but my tired eyes fixed on the familiar path before me, leading me on. This day, thinking back I had been there before. The last few times I had not gotten as far as the path, before turning around, back up the road, to my house. Today though, I had felt different, walking on the path, I allowed it to take me. The sun was gleaming from above, it peered out from a separation in the trees. I finally saw the sign for the high school, and took one more lost lasting breath of the cool, numbing air, before I stepped out of the path onto the pavement before the school.
    One by one, I counted my steps and held my gun tightly by my side, I ventured closer and closer to the school doors. Fifty six steps later and I breathlessly gripped the door handle tight. When I flung open the unlocked door, silence surrounded me. It was like no one was there. I made my way down the long, cold, and very narrow hallways. The ceilings looked like they had not been cleaned in years and the cracked walls stared me down with fear. The blinds snapped shut as I approached a classroom.

    “She’s outside” a girls voice whispered.

And I circled around, gripping my gun. My hand tried to turn the handle, but no luck with that, so I dropped to the floor and peered through the slim crack of nothing between the bottom of the door and the floor. I flew upward, once I had found a target; and with my hands acting for my brain, I shot.

I shot through the hard sheet of glass in front of me, all the way across the room. The glass shattered, violently. I shot again. The girl in the corner, once sitting up, rocketed down to the ground and I looked over my shoulder as I heard the police coming.

    On the ground, confused, I was locked into handcuffs and taken slowly out of the school. Forced into the car, I look around at the outside. Something felt different, and I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t mad at myself either. Suddenly, I knew that my life was going to change.

    The long journey to our towns jail went by in an instant, with the sounds of more cop cars and even an ambulance rushing by. The crisp spring air outside of the car filled my lungs instantly, and I knew that would be my last smell of nature for a long time. They dragged me inside and put me into a room. Never feeling so trapped in my life, the door closed behind them and I was left there, lost and lethargic.

    Now here I am now, hours later, lifeless on the floor of uncertainty. I decide it is time to sleep. The sink stops, and as two guards go by, I tune into the sound of their voices.

    “The girl?” Asks one of them.

    “She didn’t make it” The other replies.

    Closing my eyes, I feel no regrets as contentment fills my body, like a breath of fresh air, a relief. And slowly, I drift asleep.