Best Kind of Person

500 cups of confidence

250 cups of good looks

56 tbsp of intelligence

37  tsp popularity

1 whole sport

5 girlfriends

Dash of attitude

Sprinkle of narcissism

Directions:

A normal human is  in college, make sure they are completely humble , otherwise the final product will never turn out as expected. someone who never had any self esteem will give the best results since they’ve never experienced friends or any attention from anyone in the past before. College will put them in a new environment and change them not for the better.
Add good looks to the person and some intelligence. Once he hears the rumors of who has crushes on him and notices the stares of girls around him he’ll start to distance himself from you. This will make the person  aware of themselves around others, and will make him realize that he can finally stand out for once, now add confidence.
add  popularity which enhances the person’s confidence. He hangs around at his dorm with his other jock friends acting like idiots, as you’d think a typical college guy would behave. The confidence is the most present component in him  and it only gets stronger with more people he meets. This will rise with the addition of a sport.
Sports adds toughness of him ,tying the person together overall with the help of baseball. Wearing the uniform and hearing the spectators clapping apparently makes him feel as important as the president. Hearing the cheering of his multiple girlfriends, all of which don’t know about each other, stop and stare at what they think is just the greatest guy ever. Just when you think he can’t get anymore conceited, he’s ready for the last final touches.
Add just a dash of attitude and a sprinkle of narcissism to complete the conceited monster he’s become. These really add to the horrible personality of the  conceited person and make for a real good friend, for some who share the same personality just like him.

What did you say?

10 cups of “what did you say?”

42 tps of “one more time?”

½ cup of looking down at your phone while I’m talking not hearing a word I say

34 tbsp looking right at me but spacing out

0.000234 cups of “can you speak up louder”

8 pinches of “why are you so quiet”

Sprinkle of sighing and repeating my thoughts for the millionth time over a loud crowd

Directions:

Begin with a thought generated by something someone says at the kitchen table with your family. Everyone is having a good time and enjoying dinner and laughing, this is their family time to catch up from the previous week, you know.  Think of something to say and wait until there’s a brief second to say your thought. add the “what did you say” into the mix.
Staring at the people around the table gabbing over each other make for the person speaking to be quiet. Here is when the “can you speak up louder” and “one more time” become most present in the process. Hearing the rest of the table clueless to your thoughts makes you feel so small but this is okay  since your final product is purposely meant to repeat yourself.
At this point you feel like “what’s even the point?”. Eyes staring at you but you know they aren’t going to care anymore anyway. The boredom is so obvious and \ add the spaced out looks and the reach for the cell phones while claiming they hear every word you’re saying, you know is a lie. Their mind is on the phone but they lie and say they can understand you too, impossible. I wonder what’s on tv tonight. Is Ron going to be at school tomorrow? This chicken isn’t too bad. Random thoughts are the only thing I care to think right now.
Realizing that you’ve tried to talk to five other people multiple times and being shut down multiple times, proves that you shouldn’t even bother trying anymore. Finishing up this painful process they ask once more “what did you say, I’m sorry” but if they really cared it wouldn’t have taken them ten minutes to finally acknowledge my sighing and attempts at finishing a full thought for them to get the hint to listen to me.
Repeat yourself one more time.

Who Raised You?

23 quarts of slop

57 cups of throwing clothes on the floor

½ tsp of dirty dishes in the sink

¾ tbsp take out boxes on the table

5,000 pinches of leaving trash around

Directions:

a college kid,  is just getting used to living on his  own for the first time away from his parents. He becomes so dependent on his parents that finally being on his own he doesn’t even know where to begin to function independently.
Alone in his dorm room his roommate and him were clones of each other, both messes of people. The dorm room is filled with slop everywhere consisting of books, papers, old parts of home they’ve brought with them and everything else imaginable.
Thrown around are  piles of dirty laundry everywhere, creating the image of a stereotypical male dorm room. The guys add on take out boxes dating back to the beginning of the semester, and it’s November.
The community kitchen is mostly clean, except when the guys leave dirty dishes in the sink from when they attempt to cook. Mold and dirt build up faster than bees to honey. Random trash piles up in the dorm room to the point they can’t even walk through. who even raised them?

Brook

½ cup of forgetting the “e”

25 tbsp of “is with an e?”

0.00876 tsp of adding “s” to my name

34.231 cups of adding the “s” to an already misspelled brook

Directions

A person always loves when people misspell their name. It often happens without even trying and it makes the person’s name seem so unimportant and definitely helps make the person feel good. With a name like Brooke, you’d think it wouldn’t be too hard to get wrong, I mean it’s not long or difficult to pronounce, yet I’m amazed whenever I meet new people who just can’t seem to get it right.Add the unintelligence of finishing my name with an e.
One way to really put me in a good mood is to ask me if there’s an e at the end. Most people don’t have the ability to tell the difference between a person’s name and  a small stream. Who spells the name Brooke as Brook?
Another great variation is when someone  adds an s to the end of my name to make myself plural. How many times do I have to repeat my name as Brooke, where there is no s even in the sound?
To top it all off, ask her if she has an e at the end, forget to write the e anyway, and add the s, but the real final step is to combine them! Just write it without an e and add the s at the same time. This will create an undesired result , exactly what happens everytime Brooke is misspelled.