“And remember...Neutral is equal,” Queen Dulcinea finished her speech, just like how she ended every speech. And morning announcements. And commercial breaks. And radio broadcasts. According to Mom, that’s how school debates and tests had ended too-but school was different back then than how it is now for Jo-Jo and I. The only tests we take are called Placements at the end of year 10. They decide everything from our job to our income to our future family.

The toe of my shoe caught on the curb causing me to fall. I had tried to break my fall with my hands - which were now scratched up and bloody from the pavement. See, the thing is, you usually end up worse if you try to break your fall. The blue hologram appeared in front of me as I got up, wiping my hands on my jeans.

“Negative 5 points; your score will soon be neutralized,” The robotic voice recited from the scoreboard. “Val Wilcox” was at the top of the scoreboard with my score of -5 in bold. Below was a list of every event, action, or decision that had ever changed my score in fifteen years. The hologram faded away and I continued to walk down the sidewalk.

I opened the door to see Mom setting a bowl of spaghetti on the table. It made sense that Mom had decided to make my favorite food - it was the System’s way of recovering my five negative points. This was how most people’s score was changed. Something a little positive and something a little negative to balance it out. There were a few people like Ms. Nothsa from down the street. She was very ill and had almost died before she won the lottery and was able to pay for expensive treatment. Her score still jumps around because of her gambling.

Mom set the plain turkey sandwich in front Jo-Jo. Jo-Jo wasn’t like me, who’s score only slightly changes, or Ms. Nothsa’s, who’s score jumps around on each end. His score has never changed. Exactly zero for sixteen years. He’s never seen his scoreboard, but if he did it would be blank. It’s not that nothing ever happens in Jo-Jo’s life. His life has actually been very similar to mine; we had the same family, lived in the same house, and went to the same schools. When Jo-Jo was little and taught about the System, he didn’t accept it like everyone else. He became afraid- afraid of happiness and sadness. The rule that our government was founded on, “Neutral is equal: for something positive, something equally negative must happen,” had scared him to the point where he feels no emotions towards events in fear that something negative will happen. He lives his life as neutral as he can.

He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t frown. He only eats plain turkey sandwiches or for breakfast, toast,  because he won’t eat anything that might taste good or bad. His mind is warped up around every move and choice. He wouldn’t have tripped over the curb like I did. He would have stood there, thinking exactly where to put his foot. I used to be embarrassed at how slow he was, but now I’m starting to understand him. He refuses to enjoy something because he knows something will then hurt him.

Kids used to call him a freak for refusing to play, as he would rather sit and think. Once, while Aunt Cece was visiting, I overheard Mom and Aunt Cece talking.

“The System ruined my son. He’s afraid to live.” Mom’s voice was wavering.

“He has so much stress for such small decisions that don’t matter to anyone else. He’d be better off without the System.” Aunt Cece had lowered her voice; the System could have heard them talking about the trauma it has created.

The System patrollers used to label Jo-Jo as shy and they said he’d grow out of it. It only became worse, but the System patrollers haven’t eliminated him because of his perfect score.

Light poured into the room and my door slowly opened. Jo-Jo came in and sat next to my bed.

“Val? I have to tell you something.” This was unusual for Jo-Jo; he rarely talked, and if he did he wasn’t going to be upfront about his needs.

“I need to leave. I can’t take it anymore, Val. The System...I can’t be a part of it.” Jo-Jo had never said so much at once before. He was talking faster than normal as if he had spent years preparing this.

“But Jo-Jo, you haven’t taken Placements yet.” There was no physical way to leave the territory, but there was a small, disgraced part of town, Mal they called it. A few people lived there, those who had left the System before Placements like Jo-Jo was planning to do. They were outcasts turned beggars because they couldn’t be hired anywhere. I sat up in bed and looked at him; he had never been surer of anything before.“You’ll have to move and have nothing to live off of and...and anything could happen there!”

Jo-Jo could tell I was getting worried. He looked at me straight in the eye - something I would have never expected him to do before - and said, “Val, I’m suffering in my mind here more than I’ll ever suffer there.” He grabbed a pair of gloves and a hat from my drawer and stuffed it into a bag. He looked at me one more time with such pain yet also relief in his eyes before climbing through the window.

Word had spread quickly that Jo-Jo had run off to Mal. Mom hasn’t left her room, not even her bed. Grief-stricken as she is, she hasn’t cried. Her sullen eyes have a dead stare at the ceiling above her. I had offered her tea, toast, another blanket, a book, a film, a plain turkey sandwich - she was yet to utter a response. The only time I saw her movie was when she winced during Morning Announcements as Queen Dulcinea announced Jo-Jo’s departure from the System.

As I got up from the kitchen counter to check on Mom again, Aunt Cece came from behind me and embraced me in a hug. “She’ll be okay. Val, honey, she just needs some space-” tore away from her in disbelief.

“SPACE? You think space is what she needs? Jo-Jo created space- he’s the one who ran away from us. There’s PLENTY of space! What she needs is us to be close.” I was mortified that she thought that distance was what we needed.

I couldn’t think. I need to find Jo-Jo; he needs to come back. Everything was happening at once. Just yesterday I had felt embarrassed by Jo-Jo’s slowing moving. Now I wanted to be with him more than anything. It was noon, so most people were walking home from work or school for lunch. I stepped out onto the sidewalk, trying not to be noticed and joined the schoolkids in their cluster. Every now and then, a kid would peel off as we passed their home. I constantly sped up or slowed down so I would stay hidden by the kids. With only a few kids left, I darted into a nearby alley. The allies became narrower and narrower to the point I had to walk sideways and suck my breath in. A crack of light signaled the end of the ally and the start of Mal. A man with weathered skin slouched against the building next to a pile of discarded cigarettes.

“Do you know Jo-Jo? He’s um new….yeah he left last night. A little taller than me..uh blonde....” I stood in front of the man, and he leisurely turned his head to look at me with annoyance.

“What do you want, kid? We aren’t supposed to be talking to you people.”

I blurted out, “Where is he?” He raised his eyebrows at my impatience. “Have you seen him?”

“They took him away this morning. Started having a breakdown or somethin’. He made the wrong choice coming here, he doesn’t belong. People called and they took him away to the big hospital.”

I didn’t wait to thank him- I ran. I ran as fast as I could to the hospital. I didn’t care that I was running in the middle of the street or that I could hear people alerting the system. I burst into the lobby as nurses came to hold me back.

“You need to calm down; this is a hospital.”

“I NEED TO SEE HIM! WHERE IS HE?” Another nurse started walking over with a big needle in her hand - probably something to make me unconscious. I shoved past the nurses and ran through the hallway mase. I ran until I found a door labeled Jo-Jo Wilcox. My heart stopped and I couldn’t breathe in the stale air. Looking around, I slowly opened the door.

“Jo-Jo it’s okay. I’m here to-” My speaking softly had turned into to shrieking to sobbing. An empty bed, a disconnected IV, an open window - they told a tale. Jo-Jo didn’t want to be found. He didn’t belong in the System or out. How I had tried to break my fall on the sidewalk, he had tried to break his fall. His life inside the System was falling apart by his fear of happiness. His stress of consequences from the System had taken a toll on him. How the stress had increased because of upcoming Placements was the final push off a cliff. He tried to escape that by leaving the system, but his fear only grew. I collapsed onto the tile, sobs shaking my entire body, and the sound of nurses running distant in my mind. At least I knew. I knew he had left for good this time - away from the System and away from Mal. Living here wasn’t going to heal his mental scars.