Coupons are for a one time only use at a variety of different stores!Coupons have no real value so do not even bother to cut these out as you will be wasting time and effort!

Fanatics Sports Apparel

Red Sox WIN the World Series! $10 off your first purchase

Details and Exclusions Below!

Offer starts Oct 29th and ends Nov 10th! Only applies to fans that have been in an attic before.  Only applies to Red Sox fans-If you are a Yankees fan-get lost! Houston fans are not welcome either- and the Dodgers! —Don’t get me started!  Coupon is for one time use only and we have all 2018 Championship apparel from t-shirts, jerseys, and hats! Don’t miss out on this limited time offer! Don’t let down your Championship team! -- FOR REAL! You are letting all the players down if you don’t spend money here. Find an attic; go in as a Red Sox fan, and BAM! All of these offers are at your fingertips!  Shipping and handling may apply for online orders. Use PROMO CODE: FANSINATTIC for details and savings!

Pressed Cafe

Save $5 on Gift cards

As employees, we strive to meet every customer’s request. With this being said, activating gift cards are very difficult.  With constant long lines, stress arises when our new employees are faced with such a daunting task so we appreciate you buying gift cards sparingly.  Our sandwiches are pressed to perfection, our smoothie cups are easily pressed and even our salads are pressed to order. Offer lasts until Christmas day and we look forward to meeting each and every one of you!

Insomnia Cookies

ONE FREE COOKIE!

Locations: Boston and Cambridge, MA

WARNING: These cookies WILL give some customers insomnia. This condition will have you unable to sleep for days! - Dreaming of warm chocolate chip cookies will leave you restless and crawling back for more in the early morning hours.  BEWARE: of the cookie monster hiding in the storm drains like the clown from IT.  If you see the monster give him your free cookie and come back to pay for your own.  Do you think this is a dream? Wake up and buy your own darn cookie.

Lens Crafters  

30% off pair of glasses

TERMS AND CONDITIONS:Limited time offer starting today 10/31 and ending 11/17! Only applies to people with 300/10 vision, 1/17 vision, and 56/57 vision. If you are not covered by these standards you can pay $20 to see if you qualify for our 5% off sympathy coverage.  Glasses do not come cheap these days so we will only cover those who truly need to see such as- umpires, airplane pilots, the Boston sports teams, and Tom Brady.  If you have any complaints don’t bother to call because we have our priorities set straight.

99 Restaurant Kids Eat Free!       

Terms and Conditions:Kids eat free only if they are with someone 99 or older.  We are revoking the kids eat free after the Red Sox win because it happens too often.  If you turn this coupon upside down, kids can eat free with someone who is 66 years old but if you note, the horse shoe is upside down as well and your luck has run out- this coupon is no longer be valid.

Buffalo Wild Wings

Buy one basket of wings get two free!

Exclusions Apply! Only available in Buffalo Wyoming, South Dakota, Oklahoma, Texas, Minnesota, Missouri, Iowa, West Virginia, South Carolina, and New York. Plane tickets not included. Only applies on extreme hot buffalo wings and it is BYOM (Bring your own milk).

Toys R Us 50% off any one item!

Unlimited offer! In store and online purchase.  Available on any item… oh wait. Store is out of business.  Had you purchased toys sooner, we wouldn’t be in this mess now- would we?

WIN 2 Tickets to see Hamilton the musical!

Find the hidden witch’s hat in this coupon book to win! send picture with proof! To 111-111-1111

Details and conditions below: Ha-ha! We got you.  Have fun looking for it because it’s not there! How do you think we could have afforded to give out these free tickets? And if we did have tickets, we would be going to this musical not you! You must be 18 or older to win and if you do find one, you must have drawn it yourself.

Best Buy

Save 15% off anything in store! Now until January 2nd

This deal includes televisions, radios, phones, iPads, other tablets, and everything with a price tag in this store. If you are denied this coupon this promotional deal is probably over and you should probably get out your debit card. If this deal is still going on and you are right call a manager right away. I don’t know their number either so I’m not sure how to help you here.  Perhaps you can have the cashier read the fine print and try to flirt with them.  That sometimes helps.  Small talk is the key to discounts, I think I saw a skit like that on Saturday Night Live or something.  Anyways! Congrats on using this coupon. We hope you save the big bucks.

OFFICE DEPOT

Save 20% on calculators! November 16th- November 20th

Details and Exclusions below! This deal is for in store use only. Any calculator we sell in this store is covered by this exclusive deal! We require you to do the math yourself before you are allowed to buy these devices.  We only sell these calculators to customers who excel in math for you cannot use these devices in Mr. K’s high school math class.  If you are stuck you may phone a friend, but you only have 30 seconds starting now. The trick is to move the decimal place two spots to the left then subtract from the total price to get the discounted price.  Now that I’m thinking about this we should be selling these to the people who are struggling with this process so that they can do it easier. Oh well, you have 5 seconds now.

Orange Leaf Frozen Yogurt $2 OFF one small yogurt!

Details and Exclusions below! This coupon is redeemable during the 2019 year at any one of our stores. Excludes some yogurt flavors including, chocolate, vanilla, brownie batter, birthday cake, orange, berry, and original tart, leaving you to choose from the remaining one flavor-… never mind, those are the only flavors in stock. Limited to one topping per customer. If we are feeling generous we will allow you to add whipped cream but only on Saturdays ten minutes before close.  Coupon is only available for one yogurt and offer ends 2020!

Kay Jewelers Free ring cleaning with any purchase of one mood ring!

Redeemable 1 week after purchase

Details and Exclusions Below! Earn special deals such as this ring cleaning by using special PROMO CODE: JEWELERY.  Even though our motto is “Every kiss begins with Kay,” we have received many complaints about not getting a kiss after giving our product to their significant other.  This is not our fault.  Refer to the “Colgate” coupon below for some assistance in this field.  Ring cleaning is DIY although we will provide the sink.  It is BYOC (Bring your own cleaner) and customer must wait one week before redeeming this special offer.  Call 1(800)-00-RINGS or email clean-yo-jewlery.com for more information.

COLGATE TOOTHPASTE  SAVE $5!       

This deal starts December 1st and ends December 15th.  Colgate toothpaste is the number 3 recommended toothpaste brand by dentists. Warning: toothpaste may cause swelling, excessive whiteness of teeth and in rare cases, projectile vomiting. This coupon does not cover visits to healthcare professionals and returns are not applicable for refunds.  One coupon per customer and this ticket must be presented prior to payment.  Talk to your healthcare professional before purchasing this item.

Marathon Sports 10% off any pair of running shoes!   

This deal goes December 6th to December 18th.  This offer excludes: Adidas, Nike, and New Balance.  Shoes do not guarantee speed, stamina, or dry feet on rainy days.  After all my coach always says “rain only bothers dry people!” Only applies to customers with a size 10 or greater foot and matching socks.  Shoes will have the quality of a flat tire but will not help atheletes with flat feet.  Customers are also subject to a customer pledge to always double knotting shoelaces and promoting their new kicks on their instagram page. 

Whole Foods Market  $30 dollar store credit when you join our rewards program

Details and Exclusions below! Join now for this once in a lifetime offer!

Excludes: greens, beans, potatoes, tomatoes, lamb, ham, you name it!  We try to be stealthy in order to get you healthy and to get this deal in time you will have to rhyme.  Now don’t fret cause I’ll make you a bet that shopping here will leave you with no fear.  Healthy eats are similar to treats so sign up for this coupon to get your groove on!  Coupon is redeemable in any store that has 10 or more checkout lines so sign up before this offer ends! Also only applicable on foods cut in half. Whole foods not covered by this offer.

Party City 70% off Halloween Costume November 1st!

See Details and Exclusions below!  Are you ready to get your ~spook~ on? Halloween costumes 70% off on November 1st only. Come in while special offers apply! Excludes: clowns, serial killers, vampires, or any other frightening costumes. Fake blood is covered because of the emphasis on fake. It is only makeup- don’t be scared.  Thieves are also excluded because these days we need to send children the right message.  Costumes only come in an XL.  This is so that children can bundle up in at lest ten layers to keep warm in the frigid weather.

NIKE STORES 25% off any in store purchase!

See Details and Exclusions below! Offer starts tomorrow 10/29 and ends 11/15. Excludes: Everything Nike.  Not good on past purchases, future purchases, or even current purchases. No rain checks allowed unless it’s raining (Only used on umbrellas).

Adidas Stores 25% off any in store purchase!

See Details and Exclusions below! Offer starts tomorrow 10/29 and ends 11/15. Excludes: Everything Adidas.  Only good on Nike apparel and accessories!  Cannot be used at Nike store and one coupon per customer.

TICKETMASTER

Save $20 after your purchase of 5 tickets or more!

Online purchase only with PROMO CODE: TICKETS

Details and Exclusions: Tickets must be purchased online using limited time PROMO CODE above. Tickets can only be bought Tuesday mornings at the crack of dawn.  Nosebleed seats are only covered by this deal so bring your binoculars and tissues. Excludes: concerts and sporting events-leaving political speakers the only event covered. You must purchase tickets all in one order and there is a ten minute window after selecting tickets to confirm and purchase tickets.  Call 111-222-3333 with any questions or concerns. Must be 18 or older to purchase tickets.

Supercuts Buy one men’s haircut-get one free!

Offer never expires!

Welcome to Supercuts-where the cuts aren’t really super! Chances are- after your first haircut, you will not be coming back for another so this coupon is actually pretty useless.  Don’t complain to your barbers because remember—they do carry scissors.

Amazon

75% off entire online purchase!

PROMO CODE: RAINFOREST

Does not ship to: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, or Wyoming.

Kohl’s 2% OFF When you spend $1500 or more

In store or online with PROMO CODE: SCAM

Ends November 1st

See below for details and exclusions! Earn special deals that start October 31st at 7:56am and end November 1st at 3:24pm.  Stores accept both electronic and paper coupons, although the register will crash the moment they try to scan your phone!  If the line grows too long, cashiers will pretend to press buttons on their computer and look perplexed, but ultimately, they will not call for help and you will be coupon-less. You can receive 2% off your purchase of $1500 or more. Exclusions include: blue, green, purple, black, and white socks, although this deal does work on pink socks.  The jackets you buy must have 7 buttons on them or else we charge you an extra $10.  Jackets with zippers are okay although we only accept them with a hole under the armpit.  This deal absolutely does not work on any electronics including children’s toy computers, phones, and toy cash registers.  The coupons from the toy registers, which are not covered by this coupon, do work but only on a size 2 child vest in neon orange.  Also, exclusions include: appliances, towels, hats, apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur (Yes, with the fur!).

Target 99% OFF When you spend $5 or more 

In store offer only!

See below for details and exclusions! This is such a great deal, but this coupon expired yesterday. I’m sorry, but you are out of luck.  Anyway, this offer excludes: pretty much everything in the store except number three pencils and animal crackers.  Occasionally cashiers would allow this on fishing lines too but only if you catch them on a good day.  If you have any concerns call 1(800) BIG-SCAM or go to targetcoupons@dontuse.com.

Michael’s Craft Store 17% OFF When you spend $17.17 exactly

In store or online with PROMO CODE: WASTEOTIME

Offer starting soon! Only 20 years away!

In just twenty short years this great deal will come into motion! Works for both online and in store purchases.  Excludes: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, black, and white colored paper.  Does not work on cardstock paper or any kind of paper actually, pens, pencils, scissors, yarn, craft supplies, office supplies, fake plants, or candy at the register. 

STAPLES

BUY 1 GET 1 FREE

ALMOST ANY IN-STORE ITEM!

See below for details! Offer starts this Thursday November 1st.  In store use only! Present coupon to cashier prior to purchase in order for reward coupon to be redeemed.  Buy one stapler- get one stapler free! Yes, that’s right! Offer only applies on staplers! Should’ve read the fine print ladies and gentlemen!  Visit staples.com with any questions but remember, only redeemable with in store purchase only!

Jordan’s Furniture $40 OFF purchase of $999.99 or more!

See below for details and exclusions! Offer starts October 29th and ends Black Friday! You can’t redeem this coupon for cash and it can’t be transferred or sold. This coupon does not apply on taxes or other fees. Participating stores are subject to change.   This offer does not apply on any leather, hardwood, llama skin, or carpeted items.  Recliners, tables, and love seats are not covered by this offer.  Shipping and handling are not included in this offer either.  Couches are made in store by order and do not accommodate people 5’5” or taller.  To redeem this coupon, you must be under the age of 18 and a student ID is required for this transaction to be completed.

McDonald’s

$2 OFF with any order of large fries

Welcome to McDonald’s how may I take your order?  Customers, we would appreciate it if you only tried to use this coupon with an order of large fries.  As written in large print above, that is the only scenario in which this coupon can be redeemed.  We really have nothing more to say. Thank you.

COUPONS ETC.

Save 20% off your purchase of $10 coupons!

See below for details and exclusions! Limited time offer! This coupon is non transferrable and cannot be redeemed for cash, only money stolen from the bank robbery last week.  This coupon can be transferred for other coupons within this website and online credit. Your social security number, debit card number, full name, mother’s maiden name and address is necessary.  Website also requires your blood type, height and weight.  We look forward to your online visit!

This coupon book is sponsored by Dunkin Donuts!

Where no one actually dunks their doughnut