Dear Diary

Dear Diary, 6/27/20

This is the first time I have ever written in a diary before. My parents got this for me today since it is my 16th birthday. I don’t feel any older, yet. Dad took me to get my permit and I passed the first try! I am so excited to start learning how to drive, then I’ll finally be able to drive myself to school so I don’t look like a loser having their “mommy” drive them. My birthday was amazing, it was just my mom, my dad, and me and we just sat around the campfire and ate my favorite food, smore’s. We laughed and listened to music the whole night. Then my parents gave me my presents. I got this diary from Mom, and a necklace in the shape of an infinity symbol from Dad because, “our love for you is infinity” I might have cried a little. I’m going to wear it everyday. Next week Dad has an interview as a manager at the apartment complex that he works at. We are really nervous and excited for him, I hope it goes smoothly. I just know he is going to get the postion, he has been there forever. Well anyways, it is getting super late and I am super tired so I am going to bed. See ya later. 

Dear Diary, 7/5/20

Really bad news :( Dad didn’t get the postion as a manager and it isn’t because of him, apparently the business hasn’t been doing as well as Dad thought it was and Dad’s boss is getting worried they might have to close down. Dad reassured us that everything would work out but I heard the slight panic in his voice. He is literally the calmest person and he is very gentle. I am a little nervous about how things would play out but I’m going to trust him and everything is going to be okay. I’m going to put my airpods in and listen to my favorite songs, “Blinded by Love” by the Rolling Stones and if I don’t continue writing, I fell asleep. See ya later. 

Dear Diary, 7/9/20

Really really bad news. Dad got fired. He came home about two hours from work and he looked really stressed. My mom and I were obviously concerned about him so we asked him what was wrong and he hit us with this bomb. Mom seemed so panicked and started crying which made Dad cry which made me cry. I heard Dad say he made a mistake under his breath while hugging us close but he told Mom that he got fired because they were laying almost all of the employees off. He assured us yet again that it wasn’t his fault and that everything was going to be okay. He claims he’s going to start looking for a new job tomorrow morning in the paper. I know hes stressed, and so am I, but I know I need to stay strong for him. See you later. 

Dear Diary, 7/11/20

Today was the worst day of my life. Mom and Dad got into the biggest and first fight (that I witnessed) ever. They were screaming at each other. It was so unexpected, it just started all of sudden. Normally if I want to listen to what they are saying, I have to press my ear up against the wlal but their voices are loud and clear. They were saying some really mean stuff and it made me sad because they have never talked to each other like this. Like ever. I didn’t want them to know I was listening (obviously I heard) so when I heard Mom come upstairs, I jumped into bed and pretended I was sleeping. She came in and apologized to me and the last thing she said was, “Honey, Dad and I love you very much and Dad and I love each other very much too. We are just having some difficult times but we love you for infinity.” It made me feel so much better and after crying while they were fighting, I am so tired. See ya later. 

Dear Diary, 8/23/20

Sorry I kinda forgot about this diary for a little while. Since I wrote it last, everything has been smoothed over with my life. Not anymore. Mom and Dad have been having major arguments. Every.  Single. Night. Not even kidding, I don’t even know what they are even arguing about. They scream at each other and they don’t even hesitate to scream nasty things to each other. Tonight I heard something shatter and Mom scream. It was her very favorite vase that Dad broke on the floor because he got so mad. It’s honestly scary to see how they are changing. Things are different and I don’t see things getting better from here if we’re being completely honest. I’ll keep you updated with updates if I have time or I’m not depressed. See ya later. 

Dear Diary, 9/23/20

Wow. It's been a whole month. Mom and Dad are still going at it. Tonight, they smashed and broke so much stuff the house is a mess. I can’t wait to get out of here. I don’t know what happened to my perfect family. I was happy and now I can’t even stand to look at either of them. Tonight Mom came into my room and she said, “Honey, you know I love you very much.” Then my dad came into my room and said, “I love you very much. I will love you for infinity.” They weren’t even a team, a couple, a married pair anymore. They were completely separate people that acted (who even knows if they were acting) like they hated each other. Life is getting harder and harder especially with school work, I just can’t concentrate and my anxiety is going through the roof. Life better start getting better or else. See ya later. p.s . I took off the necklace. 

Dear Diary, 12/30/20

Holidays were a disaster. Christmas sucked, they didn’t get each otehr anything, they got me seperate presents. I just realized at this very moment that they are only staying together because of me and I was the reason that they weren’t happy. They argued on Christmas eve that lasted until christmas about something so stupid that I can’t even remeber. Oh, no, I remember, it was about burning the toast in the toaster oven. It’s getting worse and worse every night. My best friend Tracy offered for me to live with her. I honestly am thinking about it but I don’t know how to tell my parents. I’m going to try and think of something tonight. I need to leave. See ya later. 

Dear Diary, 1/15/21

I’m sorry that there are teardrops on the pages, I can’t stop crying. Tonight is one of those nights where I just thought of when everything was a normal, happy, healthy, non toxic enviroment. Three years ago on my 13th birthday we went to make cupcakes to a special cupcake factory. Dad added the wrong ingredients and we baked them and they tasted awful. Mom and I thought it was the funniest thing and we laughed all the way home. We joked about that time over the years. I remember when we celebrated Christmas and Thanksgiving with my grandparents and we played table games for money and my family felt bad I couldn’t play the games correctly so they let me win. My grandparents didn’t even come this year because my parents didn’t want them to see the house and the way it was trashed. I don’t even know the last time my parents said “I love you for infinity.” They forgot about me and are consumed in their own lives (fighting). I really want to live with Tracy but I just don’t know if I can do it. I have a lot of thinking to do. See ya later. 

Dear Diary, 3/05/21

 I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I just need to leave the house. Sorry this is so short. See ya later. 

Dear Diary, 6/27/21

 I can’t do this anymore. I need to leave. Goodbye.