Leaves of grass tickle my bare, sand-ridden feet. My eye-lids flicker open to see the sun shining on an empty spot of grass. A faint image appears before me, and before I can dispel it, the memories catch up to me and flood my heart.

She is sitting there, peaceful and calm. The corners of her pink lips are upturned slightly, like they always do when she is meditating. Two tan, thin legs are crossed over each other in the meditating fashion. The thin, yellow shirt that she is wearing billows in the warm summer breeze.

The next image floats forward.

Her long, blond hair is spread every which way as she basks in the hot sun that engulfs our hide-out spot. I notice her eyes are closed. They do not flutter open, even a bit. But they are not squeezed shut by any stretch of the imagination, either. For a split second I consider uttering a few words to wake her from her trance. Then, I decide against it. I am too afraid that she will disappear again.

As I am thinking this, she turns her round face towards me, eyes still closed. She stays that way for a few beats before opening them to reveal her sea blue eyes. My mouth parts just the tiniest bit, as if I think perhaps I can stop the image from dissipating. I know I can't, though. It's simply impossible.

Slowly, as the images begin to go away, I can feel a scream well up inside me. I fight to keep it down to a whisper and just barely succeed. The two lungs I hold inside me vibrate, along with my entire body. I cling to the grass beneath my fingers. The low scream that finally escapes comes out high-pitched. Between fighting to keep my screams down and clinging to the grass so I don't hurt myself, I can't seem to find the energy to control the sob that is surely coming.

It is a strange experience. The sob, that is. With fingers digging into the ground beneath me and my throat already occupied with my odd scream, I don't see how I manage to even cry. My emotions are wild at the moment, however. Along side my screams, a ball of emotions grows in the back of my throat. It is that same feeling that you always get when you are about to sob. Next comes the pounding in my head as a tsunami of sadness rushes out of me. The salty tears flow out of my tear ducts, stinging my eyes and staining my face. I am shaking now. Shaking with the sadness that I am positive will swallow me whole.

The entire ordeal lasts for at least five minutes. I alternate rocking back and forth and pounding the ground with my fists. The screams eventually stop, as my boo-hooing outweighs them with great force. When all is said and done, I collapse to the ground (even though I was already sitting down). I lie there silently for a good hour with a blank expression on my face. Each time I blink, a quick but deadly image pops into my pounding head. Because all the crying has made my eyes so tired, the images are frequent.

Blink. Skinny fingers, falling out of grasp of mine. Blink. The loud silence that is screaming at me as she slips away. Blink. His cool hand on me as I lean my head on his comforting shoulder. Blink. The sound of my gasp when my knees begin to buckle from shock. Blink. Cameras pointed at me, capturing my vulnerable moment. Blink. He catches me as I slip and tries to take me out of the room. Blink. My body fighting against his, wanting to stay with her. Always. Blink. I see him helping me crawl into the hospital bed to lie beside her. Blink. My hands move her arms to a more comfortable position as I wrap my arms around her lifeless body. Blink. Blackness takes over. I drift off, slowly but surely.