I rocked on my heels tapping the notebook pressed to my chest. I stared into the new forming sunlight across from me, and wondered what kind of monster am I? Why me of all people had to get stuck with this fate? I walked slowly up the stairs to the front door thinking of each question. Why am I so hideous and will never have anyone love me? I peered through the glass of the front door before leaning against it. I quickly checked my watch, 7:45 it would be twenty minutes before Ms. Jacobson would come and unlock the door. I thought of Tommy and our beloved time we spent together.
“Why couldn’t I die with him? He was all I ever loved and wanted.” I spoke to the sun as it peeked over houses.
The door moved suddenly and I fell back on it hitting my head on the door knob. I looked up to find Ms. Jacobson smiling her twisted smile. “Sorry Gabriel sweetie I didn’t mean to startle you, I did knock on the door”, she said in her soft southern accent.
“No it’s fine I had my mind on something. I was completely zoned out but thanks for knocking anyway.”
“Why, darling I think you get prettier every day. It must be those pretty little eyes of yours.”
“Thank you Ms. Jacobson.” I smiled weakly and looked at my torn flip flops.
“Gabriel how many times do I have to tell you, you can call me Olivia I am only twenty-three”
I looked into her beautiful green eyes and thought of her age. She looked no older than me but out of respect I would always call her Ms. Jacobson. I gave her one final smile and walked quickly to my locker. I opened my locker and stared at the bareness of the walls that surrounded the 1937 photo of Tommy and me. I could feel my eyes brighten as my heart began to lift before sinking dramatically back into my chest. Only if the world knew, what would they do to me?
I watched my toes pinch the top of my flip flops as I walked slowly to my first period on the main hall. Thoughts of Tommy clouded my mind again and I seemed to drift off into a most needed sleep. I woke myself at the sound of the 8:30 bell to find myself standing on the far end of the football field, and ran to my class. Why was I so stuck on the only love of my life? Today seemed so much worse, I was thinking about him more and more.
I knocked on the closed door of Mr. Blaine’s’ classroom and watched him come to open the door. I smiled to myself as I thought of him. Alan Blaine had the voice of an angel. It seemed as though time had stopped when he put his face to the glass and stared at me. I put my face to the glass also and gazed at his blue eyes with the brown tent and his long black hair. I wondered what it would be like to touch the tiny hairs on his face which gave a sense of roughness. His broad shoulders and big chest outlined his small body. His lean torso and long arms seemed to make him perfect and I loved it all.
His pointed chin lifted as time resumed. It seemed as though earth held only us two on her swollen bosoms as he sang to me in his angelic voice, “Nice of you to join us today Ms. Stokes. Are you feeling alright? This is the third time this week you’ve been late, and you’re usually never late. This is so unlike you.”
“I’m fine really, my heads just been a little crazy.”
Mr. Blaine continued his lesson and I absently scribbled down every word he said. I began to think about how some things change and some never do. My name would do both as it always has. My middle name, Divinia, was my first and only name at the time of my creation. My old mother gave me the name Gabriel, after the angel, only it’s pronounced like Gabriela without the a. My last name was supposed to change every couple of years, but since Tommy died it has been stokes. I kept his last name as a memory that I hoped would live with me forever.
“Psssst. Hey Gabriel, can I borrow your book? I don’t have one.” Daren asked interrupting my thought then smiling showing all of his pearly white teeth.
My eyebrows pulled together in a since of irritation. Twenty-seven other people in the class and he had to turn three rows over and two seats behind him to ask me. I reached under my desk anyway, and pulled out the heavy 15lbs literature book and passed it to him. I quickly scoped the class room to see no one else using their book. “It’s probably just some trick or dare or something. Why would he just all of a sudden start talking to you?” I told myself.
The bell rang so I headed to my locker to see Tommy before math. My ears started to burn as if they were just set on fire. I stopped mid-walk in the middle of the hallway. Someone I know very well was close to me, too close. The burning stopped but now my ears felt dry. I turned slowly in the hall everything seemed normal. The only out of place thing was Daren. He was posted on the wall starring right at me almost like he could see into me.
People pushed passed me trying to make it to their next class on time. He began to walk towards me. He was maybe five feet from me when something large hit me from the side. I felt a screeching pain as my head hit the tile.
I could only feel fury when I began to yell at the person who hit me “Hey kid you should watch where you’re-,” I shut-up fast as I sat on the floor starring straight into Tommy’s eyes.
“Look I’m so sorry. I really wasn’t trying to hit you. It’s just today’s my first day and OH MY GOSH YOU’RE BLEEDING!” He panted quickly and stood up.
“Tommy?”