I woke up on a summer morning. A morning that was supposed to be cheerful, perfect, and celebratory. But as soon as I opened my eyes, I realized something just wasn't the same.

I walked in the living room, expecting to receive Happy Birthdays, but instead it was empty. Even my grandparents weren't on the couch with their daily morning cup of coffee. I called for my mom.

She entered from her bedroom with Pawpaw and Dad following her. She greeted me with a dull "Happy Birthday, sweetie." But there seemed to be an elephant in the room and where was Maw maw? Their eyes were red and there faces were drained. Mom, trying to look happy, motions for me to sit down.

I had numerous expectations of what she was fixing to tell me, but none were as horrific as what I was fixing to hear. Paw and Dad were sitting next to me, and Mom was at my other side. They tell me that Maw maw died last night. At that moment, I could feel a boulder in my heart and my body quivering. I was speechless with endless thoughts scurrying through my mind.

Why now?! Why on my birthday?! Why did God let this happen?! What would I do without her "good mornings" everyday? How would I get through the fights with mom and the senseless arguments with dad? We were going to go to my favorite restaurant together for lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon shopping. Maw was looking forward to the day even more than me.

I couldn't be there, around the people that gave me the worst news in my life. I returned to my room. I turned on my favorite tv show, but it did not help at all. I could still hear her voice saying, "Good morning, Essie," and all those times I was too tired to answer her back, I immediately wished I could just hear it one more time, or tell her good morning this time. I escaped to the kitchen, realizing it was 1:00 and I hadn't eaten yet.

My whole family is gathered in the living room, trying to make funeral plans. I sit with them for a while, but it became too much for me to handle. All I could hear were story of her "amazing, full" life. I couldn't handle it.

I returned to my room and tried doing some summer reading for a while. A few hours passed. My family tried to make my birthday better, but nothing could ever make up for what had happened. At dinner, other than the bland and most depressing singing of "Happy Birthday", there was little talk. It seemed like dinner lasted forever, but it maybe lasted a total of 20 minutes.

I went to bed really early, falling asleep to my favorite movie. This particular time, it seemed to be the worst movie I had ever seen.

I woke up seemingly well rested and then remembered the news from the day before. I was immediately exhausted. Mom made me birthday breakfast to try to make up for the previous day's awful birthday, but it still just wasn't the same. Not used to Maw-maw's dying, I started to ask where she was, but before I could finish my sentence, I bit my lip in embarrassment and sadness.

I finally opened the presents from my birthday. After opening my parents' gifts, I find the one from my Grandma. The beautifully wrapped box with the card in her perfected, unique script immediately sent tears down my face and set a bowling ball in my stomach. Slowly opening it, I find a jewelry box. Inside was a silver heart locket with a picture of MawMaw when she was my age. After reminiscing it's perfection and remembering its previous owner, I immediately put it around my neck and promised myself I would never take it off.

I could hear the news on in the living room. It caught my attention when I heard the name of my favorite restaurant, the one Maw was going to take me to for my birthday. It said that yesterday a violent attack took place there at lunch time, when we were supposed to go. I took a deep breath and realized that I could have died yesterday too.

I go to sleep later that night with the locket over my heart. I wake up in a perfect place, my heart doesn't ache and I feel happy for the first time in two days. I look over and see my Grandma. In that moment, I was speechless. The person who I had been so close to and looked up to all these years, who I thought was gone for good, was standing right there in front of me. She was happy, beautiful, and seemed so peaceful. Minutes passed and I was just entrapped with her grace. I run to her, giving her a huge hug, embracing and treasuring every moment of it. Her grasp released and the presence of her slips away, so does my sleep.

Maw-maw's hug was replaced by the hug of my comforter. The complete relief I felt, turned into utter disappointment. I got up and slugged through the beautiful summer day as if it were a stormy December evening.

While my family made the final funeral arrangements, I made sure to distance myself as much as possible.

The day quickly grew dark with clouds and rain. The sun was nowhere to be found. I used that as my excuse to go to bed early.

I dreamt of her again that night, and it was even more real than before. Maw-maw took me to lunch at a different restaurant. We shopped and we laughed, having the typical day we would always have. In those moments, I refused to think that this wasn't real. But I wake up, disappointed, in the grey day it seems my life had become.

I managed to get up and go to the funeral, completely devastated. As much as people would tell me how sorry they are and how they know it must be hard, it still just made me think about it more and made me miss her so much more.

I went home and after dinner with my family, I treated myself to an early sleep. I dreamed of Maw again, and every night after that.

School had started again and I started to get used to the fact that Maw-maw wasn't here anymore. But one day in P.E. I couldn't find my locket after we dressed out.

I went home, feeling as lost as I was before. Just when everything got easier, this had to happen. That locket had basically became everything to me. I didn't dream about Maw-maw that night, or the night after.

It was Friday and all my friends wanted to go get dinner after school. I agreed to go, but wasn't in good spirits.

When we got to the restaurant, it looked so familiar. We sat down to eat, and then I realized...It was the place Mawmaw took me in my dream that second night. The food was just as great and I grew a little happier as the meal went on.

We were leaving as a bazaar looking bearded man in white pants and a white shirt walked up to us with something in his hand. I was startled at first, but he opened up his hand reaching towards me. I heard his softly spoken voice say, "Miss, you dropped this." I looked into his hand, seeing Maw's gleaming locket. I was so happy and relieved, I didn't even care how it got here because all that mattered was that I had it back.

I thanked the man endlessly until he got to his car. In the passenger seat was a beautiful woman with an angel wing hair pin and wearing a white skirt and blouse but I couldn't see her face.

I went home that night with the locket secured around my neck. I dreamt about Mawmaw again. She was so beautiful. Her white blouse and flowing white skirt were glowing. I saw the same man from the restaurant in my dream and before I woke up, I noticed the beautiful angel wing hairpin in my grandma's hair.

I woke up that morning in the best mood I've been in in months. I skipped to breakfast and after, walked my dog as an excuse to go outside on the beautiful day. I looked to the sky and saw the brightest, perfectly arched rainbow taking dominion over the sky.

At that moment, I knew Maw-maw was in heaven watching over me. Her locket was my portal to heaven, and to her. She was happy, and that was all I needed to be happy.

It's twenty years later and I still have that locket. I have two girls named Audrey and Cathy who mean the world to me. I have the best family I could hope for. I still wear that locket to sleep sometimes. I've never really lost her because I know that she will always be right by side just like she has my whole life.