What exactly does it mean to find love? And how can you find love if have yet to figure out yourself? For B this was the dilemma.

“Who am I? What am I? I know I’m not normal. I don’t want to be normal I just want to know what I am.”



B was born on May 5, 1996. 10lbs, brown hair, brown eyes, male. B was a hairy baby. B was given the name “Nathan”. Pretty baby. But infancy didn’t stay long soon “Nathan” was in school. Kindergarten. It was a new time. A time when you discover new people. “Nathan” found new friends within a group of young girls. Monicha, Sydney, and Berceles. B liked Berceles the best, she was so free. B had many fun times with them. B never cared for sports like soccer or kick ball. B enjoyed to run around like most boys but B played tag and hide & go seek, games that had more girls involved. This was a happy time for B. B could enjoy school.

Soon it was time for 1st grade. B started the year with their friends but then it had to end.

“Mr. and Mrs. Doe, Nathan seems to be hanging around with the girls too much. I suggest he find more friends that are boys.”

What would a teacher know about who “Nathan” should associate with. So “Nathan” had to go and find new friends. B was treated differently. It was too late now to find all new friends. B missed Mercedes. B got to see Mercedes during recess and PE but B had to separate themselves from Berceles. B never had many friends after that. Only one friend, a boy, Seth. It seemed like B had more than that but the others boys treated him poorly. B still called them friends though.
One form of escape for B was art. They loved art and art class. B could put down all of their thoughts. Let it out. B had many reason to try to escape. B was often sad. Always being bullied, lack of real friends. B also enjoyed imagining. Playing pretend
Elementary school seemed like such a long time at the time but was merely a flash in reality. Middle school was worse. B had made two new male friends Bradley and Ronald. Besides them B made many friendships with many girls. B had always been able to hold conversations with girls more than with boys. It was always easier, less complex to talk to girls. If they were allowed to have legitimate friendships with girls B would have had more girls as friends. It was around 7th grade that B started to rethink themselves. B developed an attraction to Ronald. To everyone else “Nathan” was a boy and Ronald was a boy. B assumed that “he” was gay. B hid “himself” from others. No one would treat them right if they knew B was gay. So B hid. B hid until High School.