Waverley,

After Suyuan’s death, I exchanged stories with the remaining members of the Joy Luck Club. Their stories initially comforted me, but as the descriptions of their disrespectful children piled up, like your chess trophies in that bakery did, I imagined this letter behind my “interested face.”  If you have not forgotten already, you know how I inadvertently caused the flame controlling my fate with Tyan-yu to extinguish. As a result, I realize that not everything is controlled by skill and determination. The stories I heard showed me that even luck has not fixed any of our children. Sometimes, I thought you were beyond repair. However, from my experiences in China I know that easy things are not worth pursuing. You enjoyed your honeymoon, now It is time for me to teach you that lesson and instill other parts of Chinese character into you. 

Waverley, I will begin my lesson by telling you a secret: I never cared about chess. I just  tried to form your Chinese character with chess. In fact, I hated chess. All of the overconfident small boys reminded me of Tyan-yu, before I exposed his greatest insecurity by exposing my body. I suffered for you because I knew chess rewarded concealing your thoughts until execution. I’m not blind! I saw your anger when I bragged about your success at markets. I planned to boast about you until you learned to not disrespect me with cringes and frowns.  I also intended to make you hate bragging more than l hated those stupid fortune cookies. At the dinner with Jing-mei, I saw you flash your worth around like a cheap ring with your arrogant retorts. Clearly you have not learned to be humble! I did not tell you that I was trying to teach you Chinese character with chess because I knew you would quit. Also, I wanted to heed the Chinese principle of hiding thoughts. Suayan’s death, and the stories it unearthed, made me commit to being as explicit as I need to be to change your character before my body joins hers under earth.

I am so grateful for all of the friends I have in the Joy Luck Club. Do you realize you would not exist if Auntie An-mei did not talk to me about your father. You would not have eyes to read this letter or a face to frown at me with. The Joy Luck Club has always uplifted its members during hard times. After all, the Joy luck was an oasis for Suyuan and her friends in wartorn Kwelin. In San Francisco, we helped Auntie An-mei recover when she lost Bing and faith. I was not the only one who found purpose as we reminisced after Suayan’s death. Jing-mei finally found the right thing to do. Jing-mei just called me to tell me how her visit with her long lost sisters was transformative. Suayan’s spirit must be relieved that Jing-mei finally found her purpose in life and her daughters. 

Speaking of transformations, my worst experience in America has been my Chinese face muddling into a disfigured state you called “devious.” My experience is like when I lived with Tyan-yu and Huang Tatai back in China. Huang Tatai and Tyan-yu walked over my face full of zits. And when they banished me to work, I could not bond with the servants because they were blinded by the privilege of my face. Once again, I am seen as a pretender wherever I go. Children in America make fun of my accent. Salesmen in China insult my intelligence with price disparities that magically disappear when I confront them in Mandarin. We must reclaim our Chinese faces with our Chinese characters.

上班吧,

妈妈