All Nonfiction
- Bullying
- Books
- Academic
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Heroes
- Interviews
- Memoir
- Personal Experience
- Sports
- Travel & Culture
All Opinions
- Bullying
- Current Events / Politics
- Discrimination
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Environment
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
All Hot Topics
- Bullying
- Community Service
- Environment
- Health
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
- Back
Summer Guide
- Program Links
- Program Reviews
- Back
College Guide
- College Links
- College Reviews
- College Essays
- College Articles
- Back
Harvest Moon (nessie's point of view) part 1
I noticed that I wasn't by myself anymore. I turned and there was a bare chest there. I tilted my head to see Jacob. I only smiled. His hair had grown out some and was able to put it in a small ponytail. His eyes were so brown and beautiful. Of course you all know what Jacob looks like. If you don't know who I am. My name is Renesmee Cullen. I'm 16 years old. My hair is bronze and wavy. My eyes chocolate brown. My skin pale and I'm slimmer than most girls my age....Oh, right. Jake was staring at me in a strange way that he hadn't before. Dad says that is the same way that he looks at mom...I just rolled my eyes until now. I couldn't look away from him. Jacob slowly wipped the falling tears from my face. I gave him a sad smile.
"Nessie, please stop crying I hate when you cry." I hugged him. I felt his lips press to the top of my head.
"I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I didn't mean to I just got so upset."
"I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad...Actusally I kind of liked that you yelled at me." I pulled away and looked at him. He was wearing that cocky smile of his.
"Your not funny Jacob Black." I whispered. But it only sent him into a round of laughter. I tuck my tounge out at him.
"I think I am funny." Without saying anything else he placed his hand under my chin and lifted my head. He was getting closer to face face than ususal. I bite my lower lip hoping that He wasn't going to do what I thought he was.
"Jacob Black if I were you I would step away from my daughter." It was my father. I knew that my face my crimson red. There was no way that this day could get any worse than it was now.....
Similar Articles
JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 34 comments.
wow this made me laugh. I hope you have written more like this.
-Crystal
interesting... i would read more.
but i have to point out some things. there needs to be a little variation in sentence structure, and it sort of gets boring if you just list out charictaristics. and it seemed really abrupt and sudden in some places. like, she smiles, and then is crying, and then jacob tries to kiss her?
but overall, cool.
Well, it doesn't seem like a first chapter, but more of an excerpt that would appear on the jacket of a book sleeve. With that said, it's not bad for the length you made it. There are a lot of grammar mistakes. Make sure you proof read at least 2 and maybe have someone else read it too. Suggestion: when you have characters having a conversation make sure the reader can tell who is saying what. I was confused at first who said, "I'm sorry that I yelled at you..."
If this is supposed to be a continuation, you've changed character attitudes a bit too much. For instance, the imprinting thing makes Jake want to always please Renesme and she wouldn't ever really have a reason to be angry with him (although as a member of Team Edward I can certainly understand why she could be).
For those who mentioned that Edward ended up being okay with everything: Edward may have accepted the imprinting thing, but it doesn't me he has to like it. Personally, I think it would have been Bella who would have said step away from my daughter.
However, if this isn't meant to be a strict continuation then I hope the following chapters have a bit more detail and explanations behind character behaviors.
4 articles 0 photos 198 comments