Soul Eater Fan Fiction part 1: A new generation | Teen Ink

Soul Eater Fan Fiction part 1: A new generation

September 10, 2015
By jr42797 BRONZE, Virginia Beach, Virginia
jr42797 BRONZE, Virginia Beach, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

     The soft sound of a violin filled the club as the blue haired man walked in. He was accompanied by a skinny lady who sighed as he jumped in yelling, "the real star is here everybody!!" 

    People turned as his companion slapped him upside his head. They nodded and turned back to the man on stage. His muscular hands holding the violin tenderly.

      "Maka, is that him?" The man asked. His eyes scanning the room. She nodded, her eyes large, "his soul is massive."

      He looked at her. Over the years they have faced enemies on godly level, enemies stronger than any witch or kishin. Strong, but not as powerful as he was. He knew if Maka said he was powerful than she wasn't joking.

     "Let's wait for him to leave before we confront him."

 

      The man walked out of the club, his violin case in his right hand. His black hair hung over his face, but he didn't need to see to know someone watched him.

     "Are you just going to follow me? Or will you say hello?" 

     The lady walked out of the shadow of one of the buildings, the man jumped off another building with a loud, "woohoo!"

     "Are you Balthazar?" The woman asked him. He chuckled softly, turning to her. He said in a mocking tone, "you wouldn't ask me if you didn't know already."

     "Watch who you talk to." The man warned, "especially to people a lot bigger than you."

     "Bigger? I'm about a foot taller than you."

     Which was true, Balthazar stood over a foot taller than Black Star. Obviously Black Star didn't like being called short. "What was that?!"

     "Black Star, we are not here to fight." Maka said to him, but she could see his soul becoming irritated.

      She wasn't the only one who noticed. Balthazar raised his left arm in defense. Black Star gritted his teeth, "what did you call me little man?"

     "You heard me." Balthazar teased, "or must I shout so you can hear me down there?"

     Maka sighed as Black Star lunged at the younger man. Forcing a large amount of his Soul Wavelength into his fist. Maka noticed just before he made it to Balthazar and yelled, "Black Star, don't!"

    For a second Balthazar didn't move, but right before the fist made contact with him he dodged to the side. With a loud shout he punched Black Star in the gut with his own Wavelength.

   Black Star gasped then flew into the building a few yards away from him. Balthazar cracked his neck and knuckles as he waited.

  It was about time that someone gave him a good fight. This would be fun. "Well than, let's see how big you are." 


The author's comments:

     My first piece of work for the site. This is based off of the manga and the anime and is based off a few decades after the manga ended. I'll be putting up the next part in the next few days. Comment your opinions.


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This article has 2 comments.


jr42797 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 14 2015 at 2:26 pm
jr42797 BRONZE, Virginia Beach, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Ok, thank you for your feed back.

DryCereal said...
on Oct. 13 2015 at 11:06 am
DryCereal,
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Please don't take any of my criticisms to heart;
I'm only offering advice for how to make your stories/poems/etc. better"
-Me, 2 minutes ago

I was very confused by this piece. The way you set up the story makes it hard to identify where the characters are, who is doing what, and who is speaking. This is fixed during the brief "fight" scene at the end, but overall this could use some revising. I admit I haven't had anything to do with Soul Eater for over 5 years, but the characters seem a little bland, as if they've been reduced to only a few character traits and Black Star seemed way too eager to attack, when in reality he would probably just continue arguing. In addition, there are some capitalization errors that could be fixed.