The wind was crisp, clear even, as Harold Finch limped his way through the continuous and vastly different paths that were New York City. The auburn colored leaves swayed with the breeze in a dance both partners were eternally familiar with. Sun spotted the ground in the odd patterns appearing as some patchwork quilt. Noises of the city permeated the air coming from all reaches of life.
Harold thought he needed to clear his head; take a break from the worrisome duties of protecting those who didn’t know they needed protection. However, these walks always seemed to have an ulterior motive. These walks always seemed to have one goal. These walks always seemed to lead him to her.
He limped in a pace long established with Bear at his side. His mind always drifted to thoughts of her. When he was sitting at his computer, acquainting himself with the newest number the machine gave him. She always seemed to dance across his mind in the most inopportune moments. He thought of her when he sat down and enjoyed the eloquent thoughts of his favorite writer, Charles Dickens. But on these walks was when he saw her the clearest. These walks allowed him to embrace the pain, rather than cower away from it.
It was her smile he missed the most. In the early days after the accident he used to lay there, in the dark, replaying her smile over and over again in his mind. He had memorized every detail of it. The way her thin lips tugged upwards, how her cheeks curved like those of a jovial angel.
His favorite smile of hers was just after he proposed to her.
It was a sudden move, the proposal, something that needed to happen. He loved her, he knew that much for certain. But, this was something different, something stronger. Like there was an attraction between the two, an undeniable feeling of satisfaction when they were together. It was like they were two magnets; an instant connection was made the first time they met.
But, she didn’t even know his real name. Regret filled his heart. Now there relationship was like the orbit of the Earth around the Sun, both so close, yet, neither can touch the other. But, he had set it up that way; his actions are what put them in this predicament. He lied to her, the entirety of their time spent was a lie. But, it was one he would live over and over again if it meant being with her. Harold attempted to wrap his coat even tighter around himself; a habit he developed in those cold winters in Iowa.
A rather loud car alarm brought Harold out of his reverie and into the present. He sighed, then scanned the surroundings knowing exactly where he was. His feet had lead him here, all by themselves. He could see Grace’s house in the distance. Nothing had changed; it was just as if the seas of time ruthlessly destroyed and re-created everything around except for this one house.
He gingerly sat down on a nearby bench, careful to mind his injuries. Another bought of melancholy enveloped him just at the thought of that terrible day. Everything: the ferry, the innocent death, Nathan… Harold closed his eyes. Nathan, his former best friend, was dead and it was all Harold’s fault. If he hadn’t played God, if he hadn’t shut down the irrelevant list, he might still be alive. And he wouldn’t have to see his face before the bomb exploded every time he closed his eyes.
He was also the reason Grace had to live out the rest of her days without her fiancé. He was a risk; the ferry bombing proved that much. Government agents used the accident as a disguise, a masquerade for their more devious intentions; to eliminate anyone who was instrumental in the creation of the machine, the very same machine he had envisioned and built. Its original intent was to detect acts of terrorism, and warn anyone in order to prevent them. In this case, however, it was the machine that caused the act of terrorism, and put his friends, his love, in danger. 
His heart ached just at the thought of her being harmed in any way. But, he now was forced to watch her from a far. Growing old with her, but not with her. At first his decision seemed right, simple even. He had to pretend he met his end, just to keep her safe. However, the days piled and each week seemed bleaker. He supposed that’s why he was here now, simply gazing up at her house, contemplating past choices. It was his minds way of reminding him that he stilled cared, even if she thought he was dead.
How did he end up in this predicament? He had always been alone, isolated. Always ready to shed his old identity and live another in a moment’s notice; usually with no personal connections to sever. It may have been Nathan’s friendship that first opened his heart to the enjoyment of human companionship. But, it was Grace’s love that made him miss it dearly. She had changed him, and for the better it seems.
This time it was Bears’ whining that had broken his reverie. He slightly turned his head and peered down at the dog. Bear met the gaze with a look of wanting. Finch glanced down at his watch.
“Hmm... I do suppose it is past your dinner time.” Bear wagged his tale with vigor.   
Finch slowly moved up from his place at the bench. Before setting of on his expedition home, he turned to glance one last time at Grace’s house. He knew he could never reveal himself to her. Her life was worth so much more than his happiness. He affirmed to himself long ago that in order to protect people, he would have to sacrifice everything. And he did. He was hardly the man who offered Grace ice cream on a cool January morning all those years ago.
Now moving through the crowd of people, Harold thought about those he lost but also the friends he gained. Mr. Reese, his most trusted friend, was now his reason for change. Harold walked through the streets of New York City not only reflecting on the ones he lost, but reflecting on the friends he’s made.