I tug a smile on my lips as I fan myself passing the young royals dancing on the dance floor. Their laughter rings through the large party my papa held on Christmas Eve each year. This party was a distraction from the revolution going outside of the palace walls by the Russians. I told papa I don’t think it was a good idea in the first place to make this party while the kingdom was crumbling down.
Wines and strong Russian alcohol filled the aroma around me, my father’s royal subjects bowed down as I pass and I courtesy in response. The heavy weight of my blue velvet dress sank in me, my mama always tells me to lift my gown up when I walk so the dirt wouldn’t catch on it. This moment, I could care less of how my gown looks like.
“Caratina my dear, come here” papa called me with gesturing hands
I made my way to the center of the room where papa stood and I courtesy before him, he smiled. I stood straight up again and saw the recognizable green orbs.
“Cara, let me introduce you to Andrei” papa smiled proudly
I was beyond stunned, he’s here.
“Princess Caratina Romanov” he bowed down, I was too surprised to even move a muscle
“Say something Cara, be polite” papa whispered to my ear
I felt all the senses come back to me and I fanned myself even more as the heat of the situation hits me.
“Pleasure to meet you, Andrei” I calmly said
He kissed the back of my hand and I retrieved it back as soon as possible.
I turned to face my papa, “I have to find mama, she’s been bothering me about Tatiana’s gown”
Papa chuckled, “Ah, your mama seems to always want everything to be perfect”
I smiled, “You know how she is”
He nodded and I courtesy before I leave both of them. I walked faster trying to get out of the room before I could hear my heart break to pieces. I went out of the ballroom and went upstairs back to my bedroom.
As I close my bedroom door, I slid down behind it and tried controlling my breathing; he’s not going to hurt you. I walked slowly to my large closet, getting the gold key with red opals embedded on it and found the small door hidden at the right side wall of my closet and opened it, I went in.
The lights were blinding at first, a large chandelier at the ceiling of the room. This is my escape, my secret hideout from the duties I have as a princess. How a room with a single chandelier, closed walls with blue ocean wallpaper and a small crib on the left side of the room.
I opened my high heels and put them aside near the door and went to my small dresser to open the music box that sings my favourite lullaby.
“ Dancing bears, painted wings
Things I almost remember
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December”
The tune of my childhood lullaby played softly around the room as I hear a cry from the crib. I quickly made my way to the silver railings of the crib at the left side of the room, the cries was getting too loud and I knew someone would hear it if it gets anymore louder. I picked him up, the small year old boy I love.
“Hush baby, mama’s here” I cradled him on the crook of my neck.
The small secret that my family knows, my light of hope. Alexander Romanov, my fatherless son. When I first realize he was growing inside me, I was devastated because I was only 18 years of age. I can’t raise a son on my own because I know his father would not want him in this world at the first place.
He started giggling as I tickle him on his hips and I smiled because I know he’s my joy and anything that makes him happy, my heart soars too.
“Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory”
I sing as I slowly twirl around the world, I never sang in front of anyone after I knew I had Alexander. He was the only boy that would hear me sing. I remembered the night I told his father about the news. He was staying in the palace at that time, he was noble, and he was next in line to be king.
“Cara my love, why did you ask me to meet us in the maze?”
I tried to keep a smile on my face, “Because I knew this is our secret place”
I sat beside him on the stone bench and he circles his arms around my waist.
“I love you, moya lyubov' “he knew I love it when he calls me that
“I love you too” I whispered
He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, “Something is bothering you, Cara”
I nodded, “I have to tell you something”
“What is it? Do you want us to be apart?” his sad eyes expressed more than I could take
“No, I love you and I can’t let you go” I looked down to the ground
“Then tell me what’s disturbing you. I’ll take it all away and help you”
“I have your baby” I said holding my stomach in gesture to tell him clearly.
“Tell me you’re lying” he coldly said
“You think I’d lie about this?” I said with a sigh
“This can’t be happening. That baby is not mine!” he shouted
“Don’t shout! It’s impossible to not be yours, you’re the only guy—“
“Liar! You probably sleep with a thousand men behind my backs and I wouldn’t know about it!” he said angrily
I could hear my heart crack slowly as I look at him with teary eyes, “You don’t want it?”
“NO! You too! Get out of my life!” he stomped angrily out of the maze
I watch his back as he left, I could feel myself getting lost in the maze, the maze in my heart and thoughts.
“Your father loves you, Alex” I whispered to my baby boy, no matter how much it hurts, I know deep down the boy who used to give me roses every morning will come back to me.
Alexander was fast asleep in an instant, I put him back on the crib with pillows behind his head, a knitted quilt my mama made for him I drag up to his chin and kissed his forehead.
I made my way back to the hidden door, carried my shoes outside of the closet, sat on the treasure box in front of my large queen sized bed when I heard a knock outside my bedroom door.
“Your highness, your majesty Queen Alexandra request your presence in the ball, immediately” said one of the servants
“Thank you, kindly tell her I’m coming soon” I used my shoes again as I take a last glance on my room and smile as I know Alexander has slept peacefully.
I turned back, going through the hall before going down quickly down the staircase. I went inside the ballroom once again, composing myself and looking around for my mama.
“Caratina! Where have you been?” I heard mama’s voice from behind
“Sorry mama, I was checking on Alex” I gave her a small courtesy
“Is everything alright?” she asked worriedly
I nodded, “Yes, mama. Now let’s enjoy the night”
I noticed outside the windows was full of snow but still the shouts of the angry rebels was quite heard though I assume most of the party attendees ignore as they try to have a peaceful Christmas Eve.
“Good evening, ladies and gentleman” papa’s voice loud enough for the whole room to be silent. He was standing on a podium where two royal thrones are place above.
“We know at these times, the Russian rebels are currently outside the gates trying to attack and we are in danger” the room fell into absolute silence
“But today we should celebrate for we are blessed to be here and have joy around us” his facial expression was unreadable
“Can I have my whole family here?” I quickly made my way to where papa was standing, looking around for my sisters, mama and small brother.
I stood near Tatianna who was on papa’s left side with mama on the right followed by Olga with her stunning purple chiffon gown, Anastasia and Alexei was in front of mama since they are still small.
“Can I have a toast together for my family and all my friends here?” the raising of glasses of wine starts from the front until the end of the room
“Let this year be better, starting from Christmas morning, I know the future will be bright as we fight together against these rebels” papa raised his glass and the others started cheering and toasting with each other
It wasn’t long before a gunshot was heard from the middle of the room, women started screaming, children started running to their parents, and everyone was ducking except one prince. The boy who destroyed what I have when I was 18. Prince Andrei.
“You think you’re safe Romanovs?” he walked slowly to us, I could hear Anastasia whimper
The servants start to gather around the room and retrieved guns below the bouquet table traitors, I thought.
“Bring them to the basement” troop of servants went around us and got each one of us and ushered us outside the room. One thought was in my mine, Alex.
“Leave Princess Caratina with me” Andrei said and the servant holding my arm stopped
I closed my eye, not wanting myself to see Andrei with my own two eyes.
“Take me to my child” he whispered to my ear
“Why would I do that?” I gritted my teeth staring into his green eyes I used to fall in love to
“You don’t want to know what I could do to you” he hissed
I have to do this for Alex, I will make an escape with him and leave this monster behind.
“He’s up in my bedroom” I said and he ushered me out of the room
We went up the stairs, I gave him directions to my room. As we enter, he started shouting where was the baby and I kept quiet but going to the closet, opening the hidden door.
“You kept it here?” he bitterly said
“He’s a boy, not an ‘it’ “ I responded bitterly
We entered the room, I ran quickly to the crib, raising Alex to my arms, I felt a tear escaped my eye knowing that this is probably the last night he’ll ever going to see me.
“I love you, Alexander. Your mama loves you very very much” I kissed his cheeks
“Bring him here” Andrei’s voice was softer
I walked to where Andrei stood and cradled a sleeping Alex.
“You could’ve been a part of his life but you chose not to. He lived a year of his life asking where his papa is. Anastasia was papa’s favourite, Alex was around Anastasia and he knew The Majesty, my papa wasn’t his” I shook the tears out of my eyes
“I’m sorry, Cara” his words stunned me, I didn’t expect for him to say sorry at all
“Too late, Andrei. Now take me where ever you intend to” I pretended to be strong
He gripped my arm again, getting us out of the room, down the stairs. The basement.
When he opened the basement door which I wonder more about where he got the keys from.
“Get in!” he pushed me inside
I turned inside the dim light room and saw my parents around, hugging the rest of the family.
“Is Alex alright, Cara?” papa asked and I nodded
Moments later, 2 men in black masks entered the room with Andrei.
“This Tsar rule has to end someday and that day is today then I could finally rule” he smirked with such evil
Where was the boy who loved to sail?
“How could you do this, Andrei?” papa spoke
“Can I not, your majesty?” he asked back
“I surely hope you are ashamed of yourself” papa dared to say
This seem to anger Andrei as he looked at papa with such eyes.
“Kill them” he ordered
Andrei raised his gun too, pointing it straight to my head. I would be the last to die, I can’t see the rest of my family die before me, I closed my eyes and covered Alex’s ears as the tears started flowing.
One gunshot. Two gunshots. Three gunshots. Alex started crying. Four gunshots. Five gunshots. Six gunshots.
I was ready, I have surrendered everything.
“I won’t kill the baby but you have to flee” Andrei said
“What?” I was confused
“I’m giving you the chance to run but leave your son here” he stepped closer to me
“I’d rather die than not being my son!” I shouted
I quickly realize around me was my dead family members covered in blood around their bodies.
“Say goodbye to your son” Andrei said
I turned to a crying Alex, I hushed him and whispered slowly,
“Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Things it yearns to remember
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December”
I sang the last part of the lullaby to calm him down. I looked to Andrei and he looked broken. The green eyed boy I fell in love was back.
“Kill me now” I said to him
He raised his shaky hands and pointed the gun straight to my forehead
“I love you, always had and always will” I said
A gunshot was heard and I felt the aching pain from the top of my body going down.
Little did I predict that the man who killed me was my first love.