I saw you ride past me. Your earbuds in, pedaling fast, not planning to slow down. We made eye contact for a second. I pled as strong as I could hoping you could see it in my eyes.  Wait, please, let me explain. I searched your eyes but I  got nothing in return, except your cold, icy stare. And you pedaled faster, rode into the sunset. It was only three weeks ago that you asked me to be your girlfriend.  I told you I would get back to you in a day, but a lot can happen in a few hours. The call is still fresh in my mind.  I answered the phone because my mom was unable to, only to hear my dad’s voice tell me that he had been detained by ICE at his job, and that was when my whole world stopped. I knew what I had to do. I told you I didn’t want to be your girlfriend because I didn’t love you. Of course, that’s a lie. The truth is, I was trying to protect you. Protect you from a heartbreaking relationship that will inevitably end. I’m leaving the only country I know, to go live in Mexico with my family.

I’m leaving tomorrow, the house is empty, memories boxed away, the air chilling and uninviting. Not like when we sat in front of the t.v., with a bowl of popcorn between us, watching a cheesy romantic movie. It isn’t warm like when we played board games in front of the lit fireplace. Or comforting, like when you spent the whole day with me when my best friend past away. The front of the house is deserted and abandoned, the porch swing is gone, the porch swing where I would do my homework and wait for you to ride across the street, your golden hair swaying in the wind, and give me a hug, and ask me how my day went. The same porch swing where we would sit and watch the sunset, if it was cold enough we’d bring out a blanket to stay warm. And the roof where we spent countless hours looking up at the stars and having deep, memorable conversations.  

And now that I think about it the only thing I will take with me are the memories of you. Like when we first met, all those times we messed around in the choir room, and the infinite hours we spent texting each other.  I’m going to leave and you won’t even know it. I’m here today and gone tomorrow, and I won’t be able to say goodbye to the person who got me through so many bad moments, lived with me in the good moments, supported me in my choices, and lifted me up when I fell down. You deserve so much more than I have given you and could ever give you. You deserve the truth.