The beeping that I’ve heard so many times before begins again. I try to close to my eyes and picture myself on a beach somewhere getting a tan. It’s too hard, I keep thinking about the fact that the giant tumor in my head could be gone. I could finally live a life outside of the hospital.

It’s finally over, I can’t decide if that makes me happy or not. The doctors all start coming in with the wheelchair, I just wish they would let me walk for once. It feels like an eternity as I am being wheeled down the hallways. In just a few minutes I will know my fate.

“I’m sorry but the tumor is still there”  The doctor tried to explain.

“I don’t get it you told me that this would work, that I could finally be free.” I cry

I can’t even look at my moms face right now, she has to be more heartbroken than I am.

“We can still do more chemo and once it starts shrinking we can do surgery.” The doctor begged.

“I can’t I am so tired of all of this. I am going to die whether I like it or not, I just want to live while I can.”

“Sweetie you really have to consider this more.” my mom says barely able to get it out.

Just sleep on it she tells me, as if I hadn’t thought about this moment a thousand times. I love my mom with all of my heart but, I’d rather not die in a hospital. I’ve never even been to a school dance, I have three contacts in my phone, I have never even been on a rollercoaster I am tired of being bored out of my mind and constantly poked by doctors. I would rather my mom remember me as an actual person instead of a lab rat. I toss and turn in my bed all night waiting for morning. As soon as I finally fall asleep, I am awakened but my mother opening the curtains letting in the bright sun.

“Mother I am trying to sleep.” I shove the pillow over my head trying to block the sun.

“Let’s go we’re checking out today.”

“What did you just say?’ I exclaimed

“I was up all night and realized that you were right, you should be able to live while you can,” she replied.

I jump up and hug her, she’s very tense at first but gives in and wraps her arms around me. We haven’t hugged like this in so long she has always been worried about hurting me because of how fragile I was.

“Now that you’re out of prison what do you want to do first?’ She asks me.

“I want to go to Outback Steakhouse” I replied

“Really that’s the first thing you could think of?” She questions

“I’ve never had it before, but I’ve seen so many commercials and it looks amazing”

On the way to Outback I admire the scenery even if it’s just rundown buildings, I don’t get to see them very often.  I walk through the doors and instantly smell the delicious food I am about to devour. The menu has all of these great options, I think I have to get a filet mignon though, mother says it’s the best cut of steak. The first cut of the steak went through so easily unlike hospital food, where you couldn’t even get the fork to stab the food. This was so exciting my first bite of a real steak, it was kind of dissatisfying, not that it wasn’t good it just was not as good as I was hoping. I guess we will be staying in a hotel for a while since we don’t really have a home because I had been living in the hospital for five years. Mom said she would get

me registered for school, I know it sounds silly wanting to go to school but It’s what normal kids do so it’s what I want as well.

Walking into the school was a lot more nerve-wracking than tv made it out to be. I felt like everyone was staring, but in reality, nobody even cared. I was so excited to see my one and only friend Paige. I haven’t been able to see her in such a long time. There were posters all around the school, homecoming is next week. How exciting, but a week seems pretty quick. I don’t have shoes or a dress, or even a date. The theme is a “Night in Paris” it would knock out 2 things on my bucket list, Paris, and Homecoming. My first period is English seems easy enough, second period is anatomy, I hate science with a passion so that won’t be fun, third in history, fourth is theatre which sounds awesome, fifth is algebra, sixth is chorus, and seventh is a free period.

Anatomy, It was just as bad as I thought it would be, but there are some pretty cute guys in the class so I guess I will manage. Finally, school has ended and my mom said I could hang out with Paige and her friends so I hope that doesn’t go bad. “Get in,” Paige shouts at me from across the parking lot.

“Where are we going?”

“To the beach.”

That actually sounds really nice but I don’t even own a bathing suit. It turns out no one has their bathing suits they just went in with their clothes on. There was also a fire going so I just stayed by that. It was nice and warm, I had only ever seen things like this on TV. The  group invited me to go to homecoming with them and of course I said yes I couldn’t go by myself. My mom and I went shopping the next day and found a gorgeous dress and a perfect pair of matching shoes. The day arrived in no time. I went over to Paige’s house beforehand to get ready. She did my hair and makeup, I felt like a real princess. Paige drives us to the dance and the set up was amazing. I was surrounded by twinkly lights and Eiffel towers. The music was a little loud for my liking but I didn’t even care. Paige dragged me to the dance and we danced our hearts away. Until, my chest started to feel a little heavy so I went and sat down for a while. I couldn’t breathe, I tried to reach for my phone but I couldn’t move. Paige came running over asking what was wrong I manage to get out “ambulance” before I fell to the floor. I knew it was all too good to be true, I couldn’t have one perfect night. Mom is gonna be really mad at me, she told me it wasn’t a good idea but  pushed it. 

“The tumor has gotten bigger. I am afraid if you leave the hospital you will die in a few hours, maybe even minutes.”

“How long if I stay?”

“A couple of days maybe a week as long as we start chemo.”

“Can I have a few minutes alone with my mom”

“I am so sorry I put you through this I know you just wanted to live a happy life and I didn’t make that easy.”

“Don’t ever say that I am so glad you are my child. I love you so much and nothing will ever change that.”

“I don’t want chemo mom:

“I know baby, I know”