“Why do we trust blindly?” he mused, confusedly bitter, “Because we’ve been taught that such an act, a leap of faith, is beautiful, noble. But is it really?”

“Yes,” she replied, instinctively defensive.

Raising an eyebrow, skeptical, he sighed, “Right.”

“Because,” she continued, annoyed at having been interrupted, “those who believe in something for a reason have found a… connection to… a higher being, a force.”

“Like God?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, nodding, “or love.”

“Aren’t they supposed to be the same thing?”

“What? God and love?”

“MmHmm. That’s what I was told in Theology class anyway.”

“Well, it’s kind of a nice thought, don’t you think?” she asked, challenging him to think beyond the barrier of his doubts.

“Yeah…” he replied, guardedly, as if hesitant to reveal too much of his soul, perhaps, she thought, afraid to admit that he had not conquered his humanness, “but then what is love? A force that watches over us, refraining from interfering in our sinful activities so as to allow us to retain our free will, to suffer, to die…”

“Look,” she breathed as he lapsed into a silent contemplation of his own words, “I don’t know anything, really. I don’t assume to be right. I’m just saying what I understand, and feel, to be true. A lot of this has been evoked within me from feeling by experience, if that makes any sense. It’s instinct more than reason. It’s what I can’t explain, but I feel is right.”

Slowly, rhythmically, his head bobbed up and down, in sync with his thoughts. “No, I get it. I’m not what you think I am, though,” he murmured, head bowed in his confession, “I’m not an atheist, because I can’t not believe. I’m incapable. I don’t know if it’s because I’m weak, unable to go on if I don’t think I’ve got some guardian up there looking out for me, promising an afterlife, something more after this. I don’t know if I could deal with anything if I thought I didn’t matter, that I was ephemeral, fleeting, pointless, some sort of freaking puppet of Fate. I don’t want to fear death. I want acceptance. I just want to understand! I want truth! But we can never know. Can we? Never. It’s driving me crazy, how frustrating it is to be human.”