You never knew.

I always blamed Jonathan, and you always believed me. Or, I thought you did. There are days I wonder if maybe you suspected, deep down. Hours I wonder if maybe there was something I could’ve done. Minutes I spend wondering if things might’ve turned out different.

But mostly I just drink those thoughts away.

I’m changed you know. I’m a changed man. If you just would’ve let me, I would’ve taken care of our baby boy. I would’ve been the best father in the world to that kid. I would’ve been strong enough for you, for both of you. But there’s no strength in me now.

None.

I killed him you know—killed that son of a bitch before he could take you away from me. It’s bitter you know? I killed him, and now I killed you too. I thought…but I was wrong. You weren’t coming back.

You’re never coming back.

It’s too late now, you’d say, if you could. You were always one to remind me of my faults, you g**damn bitch.

It’s too late now, but I thought maybe you’d want to know.

I’m sorry. So g**damn sorry.