Why me?  I have asked myself this question several times.  I kept saying as I flipped my eyes back and forth, scanning the room.  I looked straight down my body seeing my toes covered by the light brown hospital blanket.  Out of the small window showing the hallway just past the door, all I could see are my parents sitting there just staring, not at me but above, and on both sides of me.  I look up, what I see makes my vision blurry with tears. A machine helping we breath, towers over me. Hovering like a big scary monster that could lurch and kill you at any moment.  I am in a daze not sure what happened or why I am here, I don’t care. Regardless a nurse walks in.

“How are you feeling Jessica? You look alot better than you did when you first came here!”

I just sit there, unsure of how to answer this question.  She pulls out a mirror,

I scream, well I try, there is a big tube pumping air into my lungs, my skin covering my eye is purple, yellow, and brown.  My chin has no skin left on it, blood streaks my face, coming from a deep stitched up gash on the top of my forehead. Then she continued to show me my wounds, after my bare stomach was revealed I gagged.  There was another bruise, well I could only see part of it, the rest of it was covered my a bandage that wrapped around my torso. I asked “What is the bandage for?” “You broke thirteen ribs as you fell, you may not feel it, you have pain medicine coursing through your body”  said the nurse with a smile. I looked up at her afraid to ask and more afraid to hear what she had to say, “What happened to me?” She looked at me with puzzled eyes, they were screaming, no please no! Don't make me say it! Almost as if they were in pain. With no answer she ran out of the room.

A doctor ran in a few minutes later looking at me like I was broken.  He came in and said, with a forced smile, “Hello Jessica wow! You have improved”  My eyes begged him, I begged him. Please tell me, what happened?!  Luckily he came over and sat down, a small sigh escaped his lips and he began to talk.  “What is your greatest fear Jessica?” I stared at him thinking, why does it matter? He switched out the tube in my mouth with two skinny, clear ones going down the left and right side of my mouth.  I told him “My greatest fear is dying.”

“Yes, I know your parents told me, do you know why I asked you that?”  said Dr. Shallowing. I shook my head. “Well, I asked you because I want us to start an honest relationship.”  he said. He then gets into the parts I want to hear, “You were in the back of your school bus coming home tuesday afternoon.  The road was icy and well… the bus flipped over, you were one of the lucky ones that survived.” I was still not sure how bad it was and why I ended up on life support.  I guess Dr. Shallowing could see the confusion in my eyes and continued to speak. “When the bus flipped over you flew to the front of the bus and landed of the steering wheel with a huge impact, that explains the broken ribs.  You ended up with this temporary machine pointing upward because, when help came you couldn’t breath. Something was in your throat, when we took it out things still weren’t right so we hooked you up to the machine. Also you might want to know it has been a week and three days since your incident.”  

I couldn’t move, I couldn’t cry, I just layed there, no emotion.  I do remember him saying I was one of the lucky ones that survived… who else survived, interrupted mid thought, my friend Fiona came running in, she looked at my head than down to my torso then back to the machine, I followed her eyes as she did this.  She said nothing, she didn’t need to, instead she walked over sat in the grey chair meant to seat guests and begin to talk. She was very careful not to make me laugh because of my ribs, but for the first time in a long time, I was happy. Then I asked her my big question “Who else survived?”  She went pale, her eyes welled up with tear, three short names, Dylan Sanders, Sophia Christophoro, and Lauren Baker. Fiona was going to be on the bus that day but left early and never got on, but her brother did, Charlie Hall. Fiona cried, and cried, and cried, we both did. Fiona visited me everyday after school, even on days I didn't want to see people, she came and sat with me.  One month later the doctor said it was time wo start physical therapy. The tube was gone, I have even made laps around the hospital room a few times, barely able to finish it. When I started physical therapy Fiona was there along with the other kids who survived. Fiona cheered and encouraged us throughout the entire session, every single day. While doing the sessions I continued to progress.  After three months of physical therapy I was ready to go back to school. Fiona helped me through the day, I caught up in school, graduated! Went off to college, I came out of college not sure what I wanted to do, then it hit me! I wanted to be a doctor and that is what I did.