It was a brisk autumn morning as I looked out at the horizon over the vast ocean that lay in front of me. The cool wind biting at my exposed skin caused me to shiver despite the rising sun blessing the world with it’s warmth. I watched as the sun emerged from the depths of the ocean and slowly climbed up and up into the sky. All around me were the sounds of everyday life; squirrels chasing each other in the grass behind me and bikers and runners passed me on the sidewalk, yet I was oblivious to anything but the beauty of the sunrise before me.

I spent each morning in this blissful autumn scene. Each day the sun grew more and more beautiful. I adored the sun and it in turn smiled down on my world and blessed me with warm days and clear skies. Like clockwork, I was there to greet the sun on the horizon each morning and bid it farewell each night. Until one day I didn’t.

My day did not begin like usual. I didn’t sit on my bench and watch the sun come up. I didn’t hear the squirrels playing, or see the bikes whiz past me on the sidewalk. I didn’t think much of it, though; I had stayed late to watch the sunset the night before. Surely missing one morning wouldn’t matter.

When I emerged from my home, I was not greeted by the warm rays of the sun on my face, and the crisp breeze on my skin. Instead, I found clouds when I gazed toward the heavens, and was berated by punishingly cold winter winds. I was unsettled at first but was not overly worried. Not everyday can be sunshine and rainbows after all.

The following day, I was on the bench overlooking the ocean awaiting the sunrise. Yet it never came. Instead I discovered overcast skies and a cold wind coming in from the sea that was sure to bring storms. But the storms never came. It remained a dull and dreary winter day but I did not disparage, for I knew that behind the clouds was the sun that I still loved.

As each day passed by I was there to greet the sun and each day the sun was not there, it was hidden behind the dull grey wall of the clouds that seemed to taunt me as if they knew it was the sun that I wished to see; but I grew accustomed to my new scenery and even began to accept the dull grey sky.

When it seemed that I would never see the sun again, there she was. As I sat on that bench awaiting the sunrise to illuminate the clouds that had become my new company, I was instead greeted by the sun. Despite its presence, the day was not warm. I shivered and donned my jacket which I had not worn for quite some time. I savored every moment of my time in the sun’s rays but just as soon as it had appeared, it slipped back behind the clouds and was gone again.

Ignoring the cold, I sat on my bench every morning hoping to catch even just a glimpse of the sun. Sometimes I would see a ray break through the curtain of the clouds but it was always fleeting and never lasted, and I began to lose hope.

The everlasting clouds in turn became comforting. I now spent each morning on the bench, wearing my coat and hat and watching the tranquil ocean waves wash upon the shore as I awaited the sun to reveal another cloudy day. There were no more squirrels playing or bikes passing, it was just me and the ocean and the clouds. However, some days I missed the sun. I missed the warmth of its rays and the crisp breeze that accompanied it, and I wondered about who the sun smiled down upon someplace else. I longed to find another sun amidst my dull world. Despite these feelings, I was content to live in a world without its warmth.  

As spring began, the sun returned. One morning, instead of the usual and comforting clouds, I was again greeted by the sun. It was unsettling. It seemed brighter than I had remembered and much warmer than I was used to. I soon retreated to the confines of my home, eager to escape the uncomfortable heat and blinding light. Despite this however,  I was hopeful to regain my acquaintance with the sun although she wasn’t always present, someday’s I was greeted by the clouds and others the sun, however briefly.

At last, one day the sun greeted me on my bench and did not retreat behind the clouds and this time I did not run. I was intent on watching the sun rise up and up into the sky until it would at last descend back into the ocean. I tried my best to bear the heat and humidity. I tried to ignore the brightness of the day that I had once loved but now lamented. I tried to enjoy the crisp breeze on my skin but instead only found it an annoyance. I longed to enjoy the company of the sun again but it just wasn’t the same. I endured the day and retired to my home as the sun set.

The following day I did not return to my bench overlooking the vast ocean and horizon. I did not seek the company of squirrels or the bikers or the runners. When I left my home, I was delighted to find a grey blanket of clouds towering over me, serving as a reminder that the sun was no longer there, but I did not mind. I no longer missed the sun. I was happy living in a dull world under the cover of clouds. I didn’t need the sun.

Yet sometimes, after a long day or a rough night, I would gaze up at the clouds through my window, hoping to catch a glimpse of light, hoping to find something to replace the sun. While I knew that it was no longer the sun that I longed for, I began to wonder if I would ever find anything quite as magnificent as her. I wondered if I’d ever find something that would bless my days with the warmth and light that the sun did.

After several days and weeks of searching, I realized that maybe the sun is irreplaceable, but maybe I’m not meant to find another sun.