“Hello? Is anyone there?” Alex echoed. The world nauseatingly spun around as she stumbled towards an unknown direction. As her energy declined, a familiar voice cried 

“Hey, are you there?” 

“Alex?” another sound faded out. As Alex tried to focus, her confusion hindered when she felt the white walls of the hospital caving in. Feeling her naked feet on the tiled floor, “Where am I?” she thought out loud. 

“You don’t remember me?” the voice mirrored. As thoughts became clearer, her memory was restored by the agonizing jolt that had shaken her to the core. It was her, standing in the doorway. 

“E-Ellie?” Through Alex’s dismayed expression, she had lived and relived through enough suffering to know what would happen next. 

Alex could feel her heartbeat like it was beating her chest. Where was she this time? she pondered. A splitting migraine burrowed into her head. Overcome with paralysis, she stared down at the cars flashing by. The overpass was a daily encounter that although recognizable, was not a pleasant memory. 

“I-It's not r-real” she stuttered. What she did know was that it was a dream, but what she did not know was how to escape from the inevitable terrors of her delusion. 

“Alex?” It was Ellie again. This time, they were standing face to face. Ellie’s teary eyes were set ablaze, desperate for hope, something she hadn’t experienced in years. But sometimes, only the scarred can help the broken, for no one else would accept the fact that it exists. And because Alex witnessed her best friend being swallowed by a mass of screams, she knew that love was always followed by pain. 

Alex awakened as if there was a crisis, for sleeping had become a dangerous thing. Slowly and reluctantly, Alex blinked, closed her eyes, and blinked again. Streaks of sunlight penetrated the window, making Alex dread her existence. Only now, she was more exhausted than she was sleeping, for the exertions of the night felt like being in a marathon of pandemonium. And so the day would pass as if she was hungover, not from drinking, but from the nightmares that demanded solutions.

Alex was at a funeral. Her best friend Ellie’s  funeral. The magnitude of despair in her eyes were unfathomable. But, somewhere, buried in her heart, she was joyful, joyful Ellie was gone, and grateful she didn’t have to suffer any longer. She was probably crying while hanging herself from the ceiling, contemplating the floor. Yet struggling to hold back the grief, Alex’s tears flowed steadily, silently down her immobile face. She felt bruised inside, sensing overflowing numbness as she walked behind the mahogany coffin, saying goodbye although she was gone already. Alex knew she was unwilling to acknowledge the finality of death. The words from the minister were, “In our grief and distress, we must acknowledge that suicide is unexplainable. To choose death over life goes against the tide of life that flows from the heart of our Creator God. Everything God touches brings life. We know that it is his will that we live. Ellie Richards, who was 12 years old when she passed, will be greatly missed and never forgotten.” After the final remarks were said, Alex was desensitized from her body and memory.

Returning home very late, Alex dove into bed. Alex felt the darkness come over her, like a blanket, but not a blanket of warmth but a blanket of coldness making her shiver. Somehow, it made her eyes feel heavier and heavier. She closed her eyes, finally sending her into a lucid nightmare. Yet tonight, something felt different. 

“Alex?” Ellie sniffled. Ellie’s head rested on Alex’s shoulder, and Ellie’s tears burst like water from a dam, spilling down Alex’s red sweater. Alex could feel the muscles of Ellie’s chin tremble like a small child. Absorbing Ellie’s traumatic emotions, Alex could feel her constant fear. 

“Alex, what if they find me? What if they hurt me again?” Ellie’s raw voice throbbed. “Everything is going to be okay.” Alex assured. Ellie’s glassy eyes had no response. 

Alex took her hand and squeezed it tightly and said, “I promise you, everything will be okay. I’ll never leave you again.”