He was fresh out of jail and needed a lot of money, fast. Brian was 27 now and had just served 5 years for possession and intent to distribute. It’s not that he didn’t know any better, he just didn’t really have any other options. Brian had been struggling with the law since his first fight when he was 12. His father had given up on trying to parent him when he had turned three but still hung around the house, living in his own reality, constantly drunk and preoccupied with other meaningless tasks. When he, a four year old at the time, tried to give his dad a hug, his dad screamed, “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU,” and it resonated with him that his dad was separate being, not actually a parent with any kind of responsibility that would care for and love their child. This experience of living parallel to your own father is somewhat worse that if your father just left you. If your dad left you, there is a way that you could fool yourself into thinking that he loved you but he needed to focus on his future or he was at a point in his life at which he just physically wasn’t able to take care of a kid. Having a dad that is there but not truly present in your childhood gets rid of any disillusions that you could have about him still loving you but not being able to care for you. In Brian’s situation, he could clearly see that his father wasn’t parenting him out of pure laziness and self centeredness. His mother on the other hand, tried her best to always give him and his brother everything that they needed but there was almost never enough. She, like many other mothers raising kids by themselves, was constantly on the grind, doing any work she could find to try to put food on the table and clothes on her kids’ backs. Brian had distinct memories where his mom couldn’t find work other than her minimum wage job and they, all three, would have to share meals at the cheapest run-down diners imaginable. There were other times where he and his brother would get no food at all because their dad was too drunk to function and their mother was out working again. All of these memories messed up Brian’s brain growing up but none did more damage to his mental health than the image of what his brother went through. Brian knew that he could take the hunger, the abuse from his dad, and he knew that one day he would make it out of his godforsaken house. What he couldn’t handle was watching his brother beg for food and getting yelled at and beat for doing nothing wrong. This really scarred him and gave him the ambition to do anything he needed to, to get money for him and his brother. This and his impulse control issues. 

So, his first day out of jail, he started planning on a way to get this money. He knew that there was always an option to get a job and work his way up, building a better reputation, but he wasn’t thinking about the future; he never was. The first idea he thought of was to start selling drugs again like he had been doing before he went to jail but his main supplier had gone down with him and he wasn’t looking for the risk of finding a new one. It took him all of the drive to his friends run-down apartment to think to rob the westpeak bank. It was a risk for sure but it needed no capital, like dealing again would, and he thought if he planned it right, there was a good chance that he could get away with it and if he did, he wouldn’t ever have to worry about money again. 

His first 54 hours out of jail, he spent awake, intensely focused on planning a way to cleanly steal this money. Everything else in the world slowly faded away to nothingness as he scribbled over this blue print. He forgot that it felt as if his stomach was digesting itself, that his mouth felt like a desert, and his eyes were so dry that it hurt to keep them open. Usually when there were many things going on at the same time, he had no filter, he could hear everything all at once, making it hard for him to focus on one specific thing, and it was very overwhelming for him but when there was something that he was interested or invested in, it was the exact opposite. He couldn’t focus on anything except for this thing and right now this thing was robbing the Westpeak bank. 

His first thought was to run in, gung-ho, and start shooting people until they opened the vault, but he realized that his would most likely result in him being caught. Instead He decided to carefully orchestrate a grand plan that would get him the money and not get him caught. He settled on the idea that he would make an add on craigslist, paying people to come to a certain area and run around, wearing exactly what he was wearing, as he and the friend that he was staying with held the teller at gunpoint and told her to open the vault. Then they would take all of the big bills into 50 gallon backpacks, which were portable and easy to run around with and run away, hoping that the cops would follow one of the fake robbers. It seemed easy enough in his head but he was still nervous. 

After 2 days of good sleep he was ready and the day’s conditions were perfect. It was humid and foggy, which would add more confusion to the already chaotic situation. 

He began the drive over, trying their very best to not be suspicious. He thought that a Buik SUV would have some power just in case they needed to drive off fast but wasn’t flashy enough to draw attention. He  made sure to follow all the rules of the road and drive the speed limit because he knew they knew that if they got pulled over, they would be screwed before they even got to the bank.
He got there an hour after the bank opened and his heart skipped a beat when he saw all the people lined up on the street. He parked his car in the front and sat there for a while, contemplating the situation and his existence in general. His stomach was churning and he heard his heartbeat slamming in his brain, and his shirt was sticking to his back with sweat even though it was freezing inside his car. He knew that it wasn’t too late to just go back to the apartment, to go back and get a job and live a simplistic lifestyle. Then he told himself that he knew that he didn’t want normal money. He knew from the day he was born that he was going to make it and in this very moment, sitting in his car, Brian convinced himself that he this was how he was going to get rich and this was how all of his problems in life were going to get solved. With that in mind he threw open the car door, slammed it behind him and began to run straight towards the bank. The other people dressed like him on the street thought that he was just another person who had answered the ad and nobody suspected anything. He began a hurried walk, overthinking every move he made. He tried to act normal but just thinking about that made him walk all weird and then when he thought about that it made him more nervous and more abnormal and he was full-on panicking before he had even opened the door to the bank. 

When he finally made it to the door after what seemed like an eternity, he pulled it open and for a moment time stopped. Everything went still and an overwhelming clear mindedness came over him. He suddenly saw his entire plan in his head and walked in, confidently, with a new ambition, not thinking about anything other than the goal. He whipped out the gun and shot at the ceiling and started walking to the counter. There, he saw his brother standing there with a coworker, and it hit him. His brother who had endured more pain and suffering growing up than anybody in that bank, had figured it out. He wasn’t a homeless drug addict, or a convict, instead, he had broken the curse that life had put on him and found a way to get some money and stability for himself. In the blink of an eye, Brian thought about his future, about where he was going and what he was capable of and decided that this wasn’t what he wanted. Brian realized that he had this false ideology that materialistic worth would bring him happiness and yet he saw in his brother that this wasn’t the case. He saw that it was your character, your ambition, and your gratitude that made you happy and his brother had always known this. When he was 10 and getting screamed at and neglected he would find a way to say “at least”. At least he had a roof over his head, at least he had friends at school, at least he lived somewhere where it was possible to move up in the world. No matter what he was going through, he was always content with something and that made him a happier, better person. Brian used to think that he was stupid for thinking there was anything good about their situation growing up but now he saw, that his brother understood what made life valueable; appreciation and gratitude for the things that you do have insted of constantly dreaming of something that is unobtainable.

After this epiphany, Brian knew that there was still time to change the path he was on. There was still a chance that he could change his life for the better. By this time, the police had already been called and the faint sound of sirens in the distance rung in his ear. He knew that he could keep fighting but he also knew that he would be happier and healthier if he were to turn his life around and find peace for himself. He struggled between the two options until it was too late and the police had tackled him to the ground and handcuffed him, and he knew that this is what needed to happen.

Brian ended up serving 6 months for possession of an unregistered firearm and attempted armed robbery and when he got out, he reunited with his brother who got him a job where he used to work and Brian eventually became grateful for his family and his second chance at life.