Everyday, I wake up and I feel like I’m drowning. Groggy from the night before and oblivious to the morning I’m currently living. I jump out of bed only to hear the ringer on my phone go off. It’s a text, from you. I begin to feel my stomach turn as I am uneasy to see what you have to say. ‘Good morning beautiful’, the text reads. How crazy to think that you still care, after everything I’ve put you through. Texts that read ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ or ones that simply give no explanation for my actions towards you. I feel selfish, but I also need to do what’s best for me. 

I feel suffocated in your love, barely being able to breathe in between your words of affection. People on the outside saying, “You guys are so cute!” But they don’t know the doubt that goes through my mind every time we’re together. I keep this feeling to myself, as I care more about you than I do myself or my own mental health for that matter. So everyday, I bare your words and actions that eat away at me day by day, and I don’t say anything. At the end of the day however, I sit alone and think about how badly I want out and how I never want to look back. 

We had a good run you and me, but it’s coming to an end as I can no longer bare to see you fall more and more for me when I don’t feel the same. At one point, I convinced myself that I did have feelings, but it was only the loneliness within me speaking out for how I truly feel. What we had was real, but just not for me. I need a new start, a new beginning, and I need to do that myself. So I will no longer be drowning in your love, because you will find someone else to give it to. Someone who deserves it and who gives the same back to you, like I never could