Breathe

Rena 

   I was looking around Wade’s room, because I’m nosy like that, and I had noticed a picture of a little girl on the window. I didn’t know he had a sister, I thought to myself as I walked closer to pick it up and examine it, turning it around to see if there was any writing on the back. Wanda Rosa. 2013. was all that was said. I wondered what had happened to her. 

Wade 

   As I went back into the room, I was met with Rena looking at a photo of my past younger self. I let out a loud exhale, causing her to turn around quickly. I smiled at her reaction. 

   “Relax, it’s only me,” I said putting my hands out, causing her to laugh as well. What a wonderful thing that is. It was an easy silence for a moment, until Rena looked down and realized she had the photo in her hand, looking back up at me and thinking of what she was going to ask. My parents knew that I was trans, but Rena did not, I wanted to wait until the time was right. This happened a little sooner than I would’ve liked, but it is what it is. 

   “Is this your sister?” she asked quietly. Ok Wade, you got this. Oh god. 

   “Something like that,” I said, feeling small.

   “Care to share more sugar?” She asked with a smirk, how I loved that name. 

   “That’s… who I used to be, not who I am now,” I said shakily. 

    Rena made a small ‘o’ shape with her mouth and looked back down at the photo. 

   “So you’re-“ 

    “Yes.” 

    I was met with silence. If you are really with me like you say you are, you’d stay. I thought to myself. I felt tears prick the back of my eyes so I swallowed to keep them down. 

   “Listen Rena, if you don’t want to stay-” I started but then she quietly cut me off. 

   “When you told me you love me, what did I say?” She asked softly. 

   “That you’re all in.” I muttered. I remember that day perfectly. 

February 24, 2017

Wade 

  “It’s beautiful up here.” Rena said, looking out into the sky, lit up with many stars and the fluorescent moonlight. She was sitting next to me I turned to face her, examining her features. 

  “It really is.” 

  When she turned to face me she let out a small gasp on how close our faces really are. If one of us just moved closer the slightest, we would be kissing. I looked down at her lips then back up to meet her eyes,”can I kiss you?” I asked quietly.

  “Yes,” she said, leaning forward and closing her eyes. 

  Our lips met in a soft kiss, shy even, before we both pulled away. I looked at her again before going and giving her another quick peck on the lips. 

 “You’re just too cute Rena King.”

  “As are you, Wade Rosa.” 

  We were met with a comfortable silence 

  I turned to her again before asking, “Are you sure about this?” I took a breath before continuing, “Now is the time to tap out.” I spoke without looking at her, too afraid to face her.

  “Look at me Wade.” She said, taking my face in her hands. I brought my eyes up to meet hers, the eyes that had never held anger, or disappointment, or judgment, but love, and acceptance. The eyes that whenever I look into them they tell me ‘I’m here’. 

  “I am all in. Through the roses and thorns.” Rena said softly while leaning in and giving me another soft kiss.

  “I love you.” There. F**k, I said it. Rena had engulfed me in a hug in which I gratefully accepted, I melted into it, letting her love surround me. 

  “I love you most.” She whispered, and gave me a kiss on my forehead

Rena

  “Right,” I said, walking towards him. Wade wouldn’t meet my eyes, instead staring at the floor.

  “ Look at me Wade,” I said, taking his face in my hands and wiping his tears. His beautiful honey brown eyes had finally met mine. 

  “You have always been you, only know you are who you’ve always painted yourself out to be,” I said again. I had always knew Wade was holding his breath around me when I came by certain photos of his house. Afraid of something. I let him take me down onto the couch with him and cry onto my shirt, well his shirt, but he didn’t need to know.

  “I’m glad you told me this baby,” I said while playing with his hair.

  “I’m glad you chose to stay.”

  “I chose to stay over a year ago, I’m just keeping up my end of the bargain,” I said, which emitted a small chuckle from Wade. He slowly picked his head up from my chest and looked at me once more. 

Wade

   I haven’t felt this… easy in such a long time. Rena could coax the cold right out of me, just like that. I have someone who loves me for who I am, not who I was. I remember we were watching a Captain America movie, I can never remember which one, but it was a scene where Steve was crashing into the water and he and Peggy had this soft and sad dialogue and I was definitely not tearing up. I smiled at the memory. Rena poked at my cheek and asked what was I thinking. I turned to ask her, “Do you remember what you said to me after we saw that one Captain America movie?” 

   She laughed and said “Yeah, why?” I said nothing for a moment, just leaning in and giving her one last kiss, filled with no shyness or hesitation but with love, and acceptance. 

   “I’ll love you in this life Rena King.”

   “And in the next, Wade Rosa.”