There I was, humiliated at my own birthday party. I stood with my balloon in my left hand and my peanut butter sandwich in my right as every single one of the attendees at my party was laughing at me like I was the clown. I told myself I wasn’t, I’m not the clown, I’m not the one everyone should laugh at. I couldn’t do it anymore, I just couldn’t. Around six months later, I was being reprimanded by a police officer in my own house. I just wished I could have controlled my anger better after what happened. I would like to take a minute to explain how this whole situation occurred.

  The year was 1983, I was always not the most popular but not the least popular kid in my grade. I was in the eighth grade at the time. For my 14th birthday, I decided to throw a party but not just any party. A big party with everyone in my grade, all my friends and all my family. I even decided to invite the biggest bully in my grade, Todd Stevens. Whenever I saw him all I could think about was his foul stench that reeked of fish. Every day he had the same black t-shirt which at all times was inside out and backward. It looked like he was a scary cabbage patch kid with his brown hair and beady eyes. Todd always used to beat me up, but I thought since I was inviting everyone else I might as well invite him to just to be nice. The birthday party was set for April 20. I was so excited and wanted to have a theme, but I knew that it was too childish. Therefore, I decided to have a normal birthday party. All I said to my mom was that I wanted to have a lot of balloons. 

I was so excited for so long and finally, the day had arrived. Everyone rushed into the house as we were all partying and having a great time. At the entrance, there was a blue polka dot table to the right with presents stacked to the ceiling. The party was filled with balloons, cotton candy machines, and best of all, a bouncy house. My mom went around handing out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, everyone's favorite snack. At first, I thought that this was the best birthday party ever, but I was going to be so wrong, so so wrong. Throughout the party, everyone was laughing, singing, and doing the shuffle to Michael Jackson’s song “Beat It”. This was my absolute favorite dance. Everyone took two big steps to the right, clapped, and spun to the left. Then it was time for the cake. We turned the lights off and everyone was quiet.  Then my mom came out from the kitchen with my cake and fourteen bright burning candles on it.  Everyone began to sing happy birthday. Once I blew out my candles, the lights were turned back on. Everyone got a good look at the cake and burst into laughter over the fact that on the cake it said “Bryan smells and picks his nose”. I was humiliated!  I ran into the kitchen to ask my mom who wrote that on the cake, but all of a sudden it hit me.  I realized it was Todd Stevens, the grade bully. I burst out of the kitchen to find that he was gone and had left right after he wrote those words on my birthday cake. From that moment,  I vowed that I would get him back for embarrassing me like that. 

For months I was plotting my revenge. One night while I was brainstorming and my mom called downstairs saying, “Bryan can you go to the store to pick up some toilet paper. We are all out”. I then had an epiphany. “TP!” I shouted in great joy. “I’ll use TP!”. I had found the star of my show, the key to my revenge. I was going to TP his entire house. I then began to study their sleeping patterns for weeks to find when would be the best time to go in and execute my plan. I decided that on June 5th at 1 AM I would do it. The night was finally here. I grabbed my hockey stick and went to the fence of their house and whacked a hole in it. I then brought my duffle bag full of toilet paper and began to throw the paper everywhere on site. I made sure to keep quiet so I wouldn’t wake them. Let me tell you, what I had done wasn’t just any TP, it was a masterpiece. 

The entire lawn and house were covered in paper.  I then got a can of spray paint and wrote on the side of the house “Todd smells and picks his nose”. I then sprinted back through the gate feeling amazing, like I had pulled off the heist of the century. I would say this was just like guys from North Dakota (The previous story of mine regarding the bank robbers from North Dakota). I got back to my house and then fell asleep with pure joy. 

The clock struck ten AM and I was woken up by my Mom yelling at me. She screamed, “Are you out of your mind? There is a police officer waiting downstairs for you and he wants to talk to you!”. I moped down the steps in my pajamas to see the officer sitting down on my couch with a big smirk on his face. The police officer said, “Are you the one who spray-painted and TP’d the Stevens family’s property last night?”. Followed by a big pause, I replied with a stuttered, “Umm I think so”. He answered, “Alrighty, the family would like to press charges and they will be setting a court date soon.”. Apparently the neighbors had seen me and were able to describe my yellow t-shirt and which direction I came from when describing what they saw to the police. Several weeks later I found myself in court where I was sentenced to two months of community service for destruction of property. I thought TP cleans your messes, not makes them.