Who am I?

The room fills with steam as I turn the water up warmer than necessary. I step in the shower to think and relax after a long day. The peace, serenity, and warmth provide the comfort I need to reflect. My mind travels as I question what I should contemplate this evening. I start with the basics, looks; brown hair, green eyes, sport; soccer, goal; reach my full potential. But what is that potential? I know the goals that others have placed into my mind, college, a great job, loving family, but which of these are theirs and which are developed from my own thoughts and feelings. If they were gone, where would I be? Would I be left with their impressions or would I travel down a path of my own thoughts and feelings? What defines me? When I look around I see my goals and my achievements, but when I look inside I see my thoughts. Which of these is me? When the Earth is stripped of all its flowers, who am I? Am I defined by the push of others or the pull of my heart?

There is so much to my outside and the face I put on to show the world. The drops of heat splash my back, the shower is a place of thought. The water falls as the good and bad aspects of the outside world tumble into my hands. The A+, my upcoming game, the mile time, that one bad grade, conversing with friends, not making the team, going to that concert. In a world with no walls, but all open space, would my decisions have remained the same? Or would they be driven by that voice inside. Around the clock thoughts race as though they are being chased to make the next choice. They tell me to smile at that lady and study instead of watching the movie, but they plunge deeper than the surface. They guide me to rethink all those kind words or to drop everything and live a free life with no plans for the future. Are these thoughts what I should follow and where do they come from? Life is a constant battle of the in and out, and which to follow. Is the outside world blinded by my persona or can they see this inside battle? Which do they, and I, see as me? 

Truthfully, I don’t think they see all of my thoughts, but I also don’t think they only see my accomplishments. As I step out back into the cool of the night, I come to a conclusion. I am my accomplishments and goals because I had to use my thought to achieve them. And my thoughts are those I learned from others, so they come from the outside too. Being human means I am defined by every part of my life. I am not my actions nor my thoughts but the person that all of these shape me into. I am neither the cover nor the words, I am the book. I am neither my thoughts not actions, but I am me. And with that, I hang up my towel and carry on with my evening.