Trigger warning: There is abuse in this piece read at your own risk 

When I got the call, the day before Christmas that my dad was taken it changed my life forever.   It was right before Christmas. The call started when my dad said quietly as to not even let a mouse hear him

“ H-H-Hey Riley.”

“Yeah dad what's up you seem scared!” my voice shaking with fear of the unknown 

“I’m with the new girlfriend I've been seeing lately that I told you about,” my dad said in a quiet soft voice.

The conversation got disconnected and I never heard anything later that day. I am so worried that if he is sad we aren’t with him. This year I have Christmas with my mom because my dad and her got divorced a few years ago and they swap who gets Christmas morning every year. At my mom’s we are throwing a big party that all my mom’s family is coming to. During the party I was having fun and enjoying the party. The party subsided my uneasiness about my dad but….After we started finishing up the party at my mom’s house, I ran to the bathroom to call my dad to see what he was doing and if he was going to come and get me since he had present for us and he asked to have us later Christmas day. As it had gotten to be the 5 voicemails I left on the phone I thought he was busy with his girlfriend so I finished Christmas. Worried that something bad is happening. My curious self decided to look up his new girlfriend online. Oh boy was I blown away  it says she has assaulted someone nearly to death. She also escaped the halfway house and is on the run.  The halfway house is a place criminals go after being released from prison and put on probation. Why is my dad dating her? Does he Know what she has done? 

A week goes by and I finally get a call. 

“ HEY!” I screamed with excitement!

“H-h-hi son how are you?” said my weirdly calm dad.

“ Why are you so calm, you have been gone for a week,” I cried. Should I ask about what he is doing? Should I ask if he needs help?

“ I know I-I-I have been dealing with stuff and still am I got to go.” he said frantically 

Call disconnects

Before I even said bye I love you he ended the call. It seemed odd that he was acting the way he was.  This makes me so much more worried  that I begin thinking the worst thing is happening to him because I don't know when he will be back. Maybe I should try and find him and see what is happening.  

After getting off the call I had to start taking care of  my younger siblings because mom’s working. Normally we would go to dad's house when she works late on Tuesday. It is difficult without him here. I miss him so does my sibling. My mom has noticed some things going on with dad. She normally doesn't care about my dad though so I could be wrong.  

“Hey why haven’t you gone to your dad’s house lately?” mom questioned

“ He has been doing something or is somewhere with his new girlfriend.” I said my voice was shaking. I could barely say it without tearing up.

“ Hmmmm interesting maybe he is on vacation.” mom said.

“ Maybe.” I said. I know my dad wouldn’t just leave to go on a vacation without telling us.

I wish I could tell my mom that I knew dad’s girlfriend escaped the halfway house, and that she has had a criminal past. But I can’t because then she would take us away from our dad. I don’t know what I would do without being able to see my dad. I have been terrified of everyone finding out what's been happening with my dad because I have a gut feeling that I will be judged and questioned. 

A week passes by.

As I returned to school after winter break I sat in a class that normally took an hour but it went by fast because all I was thinking about was what my dad was doing. Is dad going to call me soon? Is he okay?The whole day at school I had felt like someone stabbed my stomach. I went home to find that my mom had found out my dad’s new girlfriend is a criminal.

“WHAT THE HECK!!!!” mom yelled.

“What mom?” I asked already knowing she found out.

“ YOUR FATHER IS WITH A CRIMINAL!” she screamed.

“Oh” I said, acting like I didn’t know. If she knew I had found out a while back I’d be grounded for months.

After getting yelled at I went to my room to do the work I missed during class from worrying my tiny little brain about what my dad is doing. As I got the classwork done I was scared out of my pants about if I'd ever be allowed to go to my dad’s house after he returns, if he returns. If mom wanted to she could get full custody and I would never be allowed over at his house again.  My mind keeps going into deeper darker thoughts about worst case scenario situations that could happen. What if she abandoned him with no money? What if he is dead. Because of this uncertainty I spend nights crying till the early hours of the morning. The next day after school we went to my grandparents for supper and my dad texted me and the images he sent were very graphic. It was pictures of the bruises that he had gotten from the girlfriend hitting him. Why would my dad send me a picture of his black eye that he got. The veins on his eyes had bursted making his pupil surrounded by blood. Why would my dad put me through this? Does he want me worried out of my pants.  I was so upset that I bawled my eyes out. After getting the pictures my uncle called out of the blue. I don’t know why my uncle decided out of the abyss to call he never does. 

“Hey Riley, I know your dad, my brother is gone with his girlfriend.” he said. 

“Yea okay and?” I questioned, wondering what he wanted this time. 

“ He wants money and wants it from you DON’T SEND ANY.” he said sternly. 

“ ITS MY DAD I'LL HELP IF I WANT.” I screamed. My dad really needs help if he is reaching out to me for money. I wish I could send him all my money but my mom won’t allow it. Seems like she doesn’t care.

I hung up the call so mad why would my uncle care so much about what my dad needed. He obviously needs help and no one cares.

We went back to my house after spending time with my grandparents. I went to shower then came back to my room still bawling my eyes out. I started to cut my wrist not deep enough to bleed but there were marks left behind. Make it stop. This pain I'm in needs to go away but I don’t know how to stop. I am sad all the time and worried I just need my dad.  I hid them by wearing long shirts so no one would know. I did this because I feel like I should have looked up his new girlfriend when I first met her. Then this wouldn’t happen.  I blamed myself for not stopping this from happening. I never thought I could ever go through this. You always hear stories of it happening to other people and it seems horrible but then it happens to you, it's your new reality and you have no way to fix it. I really wish I could go find him. While all this was happening my other siblings knew about some of what was happening but not all of it. It was in their best interest not to. If my siblings found out they would break. After a long day of being at school sad and depressed my dad called. Why has it been so long since he called?

“Hey Riley!” dad said with excitement. Why is my dad excited? Is he being watched?

“ Hi,  how are you uncle said you want me to give you money.” I explained.

“ I never did. I have just been trying,” dad started to say but stopped.

“ i’m sorry Riley, I have to go bye.” he ended the conversation. Did I trigger him to hang up? 

 I wonder if the girlfriend keeps listening to our conversation and that's why he had to hang up. I spent the rest of the night crying looking at pictures of my dad, dog and I. I wonder where my cute dog is at.  We have a chocolate lab named Ducky. He is such a cute dog. Is Ducky with dad or is he starving to death at the house. Now I'm even more worried. I bet Ducky is with dad. I don’t need multiple things to worry about, I'll just focus on my dad. Is Ducky okay? I really hope he is. 

A month goes by

A long month filled with short conversations with dad, depression, bad grades and worried out of my mind went by. I was the most miserable I have been in my entire life. I have never gone through something this horrible and inhuman. How can people punch each other to the point of almost murdering them? It's not like my dad did anything to deserve it no one does. No one ever deserves to go through this horror. After months of him being gone we were in the car with my mom going out to eat when she kept getting texts and wouldn’t let us see. Maybe it’s dad? Or is she giving us bad news that he died.

At the restaurant we sat there for a couple minutes waiting for the waitress to get our drink orders when I see my stupid uncle. Why the freak is he here? I don’t want him here. He walked in and said don’t get too crazy but I got something for you. Seconds before the surprise came I thought to myself is this my dog or is this a present. BUT………. IT WAS MY DAD. I was so surprised and excited I started crying tears of joy that he was back. He looked as skinny as ever. Has he been starved? He still had lots of bruises which made me sad. We ate supper with him and when we had to leave he said. 

“ I love you and I'll make everything okay again.” Will everything be okay?

We started to all feel relieved he had escaped the girlfriend.Is she in jail? As we got to the weekend I couldn't wait to go to my dad's parents house because he lived there now because they evicted his house when he was gone because he wasn’t there.  When we got there he started to tell us everything. Here's what he said 

“ The day I left was not by choice I was taken by my now ex psychotic girlfriend. I knew she had a criminal past but not what it was.” If he knew she was a criminal why did he date her? “The day started when I went to kum and went to get a drink and the police surrounded my looking for her. I was so scared” dad said having to stop because he was hyperventilating. “They went to search the house and she wasn’t there so they left. Why would they leave? That's a bad mistake on their part.  Instead of having an officer there 24/7. So while they were gone she came and had a gun pointed at me and said “‘get in the car”’ so I had no choice so I packed my stuff and took the dog with me.” dad paused, still trying to catch his breath. He was crying and holding me tight making himself comforted then continued to say. 

 “We went to Mississippi first to hide from the cops. While in Mississippi we stayed at her cousin's house. That's when she first hit me with a gun across my face and ribs.” Crying again not being able to even really tell what happened he took a good 5 mins to calm down before continuing. “ After she thought they wouldn’t find us she made me drive the whole way to Colorado with no stops to sell drugs. She held the gun to my head the whole time. I would plead with her to stop but she kept pushing the gun into the side of my head leaving a mark. We only were in Colorado for 2 days then we went back to Mississippi because she rents out houses to people in a couple different states. So we were doing a tour later that day of one of the houses and I saw an opportunity to escape to come back to you guys but she caught me and she sat me down in a chair and gave ducky alcohol and the slaughtered ducky from her neck to lower stomach.” Dad at this point looked like he was about to pass out from the flash backs. I feel so bad. But as he has been doing he continued to say “Her being a human psychotic made me clean it all up. I cried the whole time and I can still smell the copper stinge coming from Ducky’s dead corpse. Which was bleeding. After this gave up and just went along so I could get on her good side and eventually make a plan to actually come back.” Dad, still crying, tried to fight off the tears and continued to tell the story.

 “A month went by and I was still being beaten but not as bad. I also created a plan that I would do in a couple weeks when we leave for Colorado again. That day came so slowly but I'm glad that it came. We Started to drive when she needed to stop to get something so while she was in the store I grabbed the gun and hid it in my pocket.  I was frightened she would come back and see the gun was taken. She got back and we drove and then she asked for the gun and at that point I jumped out of the car on the interstate. I have no money or phone or anything. I walked a while to a gas station thinking someone would help me but no one did so I asked these 2 men for a ride to one of the rentals because the guy I helped rent it to knew what happened and so when I got there I didn't have money to give them so I gave them the gun. The guy who I made a friend with who is helping me gave me a phone and got me a plane ticket. So he drove me back to the place the girlfriend and I stayed and he waited in the car as I quickly grabbed anything I could without her being able to lock me in because she was there. So after I got what I could, the nice man drove me to the airport and that's how I got back” Dad told us. Still trying to catch is breathe to slow his heart rate 

After hearing my dad’s side helped me to clear up what my thoughts were. I'm sad and so mad that this happened. Till this day I will never forget the call I got the day before Christmas that changed my life forever. What My family and I took away from it was that people are not who you think they are. We for sure now have stronger faith in miracles and hope for a better future and most of all gaining love back.