BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. My alarm goes off, signaling the repetition of my suffering. I click snooze. I don’t want to wake up here or wake up as me. I close my eyes and struggle to stay conscious as I lose track of time. 

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. I hit the off button. I know I have to get up or I’ll lose my ride for school. Sarah’s dad gets mad when he is late for work and I don’t want to get her in any more trouble. 

I drag myself to sit up, I immediately grab my phone and lay back down. I scroll on tiktok for a few more minutes, not really comprehending what I watch. I text my boyfriend “Goodmorning :)” and actually pull my body out of bed and to the bathroom. I still have enough time to shower so I pull my hair back before I peel my clothes off and start the hot water. It is a cold morning and the hot water shocks my skin. When it is time to get out I almost can’t bear to turn off the steaming water and return to the icy house. I try to absorb the feeling of water dripping down my skin as I turn the handle to off. I shake and shiver as I wipe down with my towel. I wrap it around me before returning to my freezing room. I picked out my outfit that popped into mind late last night, a classic sweater and jeans. I remember to grab my butterfly ring after I put on deodorant. I grab my backpack and zip it up as I spray myself head to toe in my lilac perfume. 

I got it for my birthday from my friend, Tilly who coincidentally has the same birthday. We have gym together first thing in the morning. It is nice because we always start our days gossiping about our boyfriends or ex-friends or other gossip. I wonder what we will talk about today. My Boyfriend has been pretty good the last few days so it won’t be about that. Tilly and Austin don’t get along very well, due to the fact that she flirted with me when we were hanging out as a group. I regrettably didn’t do anything to stop her, since I’m bi, he understandably was upset and I agreed that we would not be hanging out alone. 

Sarah texts me that they are on the way, I have to hurry because they live two blocks away from me. I give my cats a scoop of kibble and grab my key, and immediately head downstairs. I open the door as the mini van pulls up in front of my house. I slam the door behind me and flash a smile to Sarah in the passenger seat. After a goodmorning between her father and I the car ride is pretty much silent. 

As we pass the school I see my boyfriend get out of his car with his friends. I see that he texted me a goodmorning and continued our imessage game of eight-ball. I am looking forward to seeing him in W-hour. Sarah and her friends would go to the cafe and depending on my mood I would sometimes go with them, otherwise I would sit and talk with Austin. 

As we pull into our drop off spot that happens to be what feels like miles to walk in the cold to school. After we get out and I thank him for a ride, the anxiety of school sets in. I ask Sarah if my outfit is cute and she says yes. We talk about this boy that is super cute and works at the grocery store. We split ways as I put my airpods in. I walk against the crowd of people, past familiar faces, toward the locker room. I set my bag down next to Tilly’s stitch backpack she got from Daisy when her old one was literally bursting at the seams. She is not here which means she is probably walking her boyfriend to class. I sit on my phone as people rush past my row eager to change, I am not. I focus on my phone.

Tilly walks in a minute later, wearing something almost dress code worthy, she looks though. She starts telling me that her boyfriend is talking to other girls and we talk about what would be the best thing to say to communicate with him. She is done changing before me and waits while I tie my shoes. I tell her I am sorry that she is gonna mark us tardy like how she does several times a week. Tilly says that she doesn't care and I hope she is telling the truth.

Warmups are just beginning as we take our spots. We start with a hip circuit, then hip thrusts, next we alternate between fifteen push-ups and fifteen sit-ups. We finish with some running. This is over soon as they are eager to get into the weight room. Today is bench-press which I complained heavily about to Tilly. 

The crowd of classmates crushes through the small double doors into the hallway. We have to wait as everyone goes into the single door for the weight room. I am already thinking about my next class, Honors English. I remember that we have a vocab quiz that I didn’t study for. There is nothing I can do other than hope so I don’t think about it again. 

The board says we are doing five by five bench and then chest dips, situps, and hip thrusts. I go first in my group of four and I use ten pounds more than my group. Gym class drags on. 

When the bell rings I am still tying my shoe and Tilly goes ahead to walk with her boyfriend. I put in my airpods and take down the hallway alone. The bell rings as I am a bit aways from the classroom. I take my seat next to Daisy. As we prepared for the quiz I told her how I completely forgot to study. After the quiz we read our book club books. I was in The Secret Life of Bees with my friends even though I had already read it a few years ago. 

I walk down the empty hall toward Mr. Whites W-hour. Sarah comes up behind me and joins me. I can’t wait to see my boyfriend but I have a feeling something's not quite right with him lately. He doesn’t seem happy anymore and I don’t think I can fix it.

I sit down at my usual spot, away from Sarah and her friends. I wait for Austin until he walks in a black shirt, tan cargo pants, black sneakers, and his daily gray backpack. He is wearing a gold diamond necklace that his grandparents got back in the middle east, which I knew from a few weeks ago when he told me when we were hanging out late in my room. 

I met him around two months ago, through my friend. For a while I had no idea if he liked me or even if I liked him. At first it had been him, his friend and me hanging out as friends. After a while they both offered to hangout one on one, his friend even offered first. However his friend got grounded, so next thing I knew we were hanging out alone as friends. After a few times of that our feelings got the better of us and our relationship changed forever. 

He sits down next to me. I can immediately smell his cologne. He starts telling me about the work for Intro to Algebra two. 

“I took Algebra in eighth grade and I got a D and I still really can’t do it. Do you think I should switch into Intro instead of regular?” I asked him as I am increasingly concerned with what math class to take sophomore year.

“I mean I thought regular algebra two was really hard but you’re super smart so I would try it and you could always switch if you really wanted.” he responded which I found helpful.

“Will you help me next year with it?”

“I don’t know if we will still be together then.”