I couldn’t run fast enough. What if she’s gone? Dead. The desolate rain soaked my clothes with its tears; my skin felt numb against the freezing air.

Adelaide.

I didn’t bother to knock on the front door and I was too saturated in my thoughts to be thankful that it was unlocked. I tried not to make much noise, hoping and praying that she wouldn’t,

She wouldn’t! Not without saying goodbye. Adelaide, if I could just talk to you, just one more time. Could I save her? I searched the house. She wasn’t anywhere on the first floor. My heart beat was unsteady. I felt terrified, panicked, and exhausted all at the same time. I sprinted to her room.

Nothing.

Damn it! Where the hell is she?

I stood at the foot of her bed, defeated. I looked in the mirror that hung above her bed. My dirty blonde hair was a chaotic mess. My cobalt eyes glaring back at me in fear.

Ugh, you’re a mess Gray.

My breathing slowed down before I heard it.

Water? Bathroom!

I ran across the hall and opened the door slowly. My eyes grew at the sight of the bath water; blood was cascading down the drain. The water was starting to spill over the side. I couldn’t move. My body paused there in the doorway. I felt sick. I couldn’t stomach the sight of blood. I wanted to throw up, I glanced at her wrists. I saw the pills in the sink. She hadn’t responded to my entrance, I ran to stop the overflowing water and grabbed her out of the bath. Her naked slender body was so much colder than mine. I grabbed the towel on the rack. Carrying her in my arms I ran for the door.
The rain became heavier and the air had gotten even colder. Next door I saw an older man about to get into his car.

“SIR!” He looked at me with shocked eyes. “Sir, please I have to get her to a hospital.”

“Young man, what happened?”

“I can’t explain right now, please-”

“Get in.” I put Adelaide in the back and rested her in my arms. I quickly ripped my shirt and made two long strips to tie around her wrists, the blood was everywhere, and the towel, stained red.

“Adelaide, please don’t-don’t do this to me.” I whispered. A lump in my throat forming as I moved her dark wet hair from her face. My heart felt as if it were about to burst. My breathing was rapid along with the banging of a heartbeat in my head.

“We’re almost there.”

“Thank you so much.” He screeched to a stop at the emergency entrance. I carried the one person, the only person, who I knew I could trust, who I knew could trust me. The only person who understood me, the way no one else did. “I need a doctor!” A nurse at the desk came rushing to our side.

“What happened?” Her gaze went from me to Adelaide in shock.

“She’s bleeding! Sh-she slit both her wrists, I don’t know how much blood she’s lost. I saw pills in her sink-please just help her!” They took Adelaide away. That didn’t make me feel any better. I wanted to be there with her. My anxiety made my stomach start to churn. I became light headed from all the blood. I felt pathetic.

Useless.

Her aunt and uncle were out of town for a week was all I knew. No phone number for me to call, not even the knowledge of where they were headed. I sat in the waiting room for about forty-five minutes after filling out the information they had asked for. I went through every memory, focusing on her face. She was always pretty, no matter how her hair looked, her dislike for make-up, she was beautiful. Wavy dark hair, tan skin, and mesmerizing green eyes. The image was clear, then the thought of blood filled my mind.

It seemed to only be her wrists, but the blood was everywhere though.
I tried focusing back on the memories.

It was February when she had first moved here. She came into our third grade class, timid and shy. I remembered how everyone had already made friends, and settled in with their groups. It’s hard to make friends when you’re the new kid, I had known exactly how she felt. That day she had sat next to me, I shared my new erasable colored pencils with her, hoping to get a smile. We were friends from day one. I got beat up a lot as a kid. I came here in second grade, even later in the year than she had. I just could never seem to find my place among the other kids. We stuck together. Getting older was starting to change everything though. She was broken, and I didn’t know how to fix her. Her depression had gotten worse, and she had begun to change. She moved here to live with her aunt and uncle, nice folks, after her parents died in a freak car accident. I wanted to think of only the positive thoughts though. The way she always laughed at my terrible jokes, and her tone deaf singing when she wrote me a song on my guitar; not knowing even a single note.

I had to try to keep her alive, at least in my mind.

I was used to keeping the way I felt bottled in from her. I hated that about myself. I wanted to tell her more than ever the way I felt. It didn’t matter if she couldn’t return my feelings. I thought maybe if I could have told her sooner, she would have known that someone out there did care about her. Maybe I could’ve fixed all this-no more suicide attempts. I wanted to believe that, more than anything. I wanted to keep her smiling and laughing. In my eyes it wasn’t how to save just any life, it was how to save hers.

“Excuse me sir?” I looked up to see the nurse from earlier. “We got a hold of Ms. Hawkins family, it looks like your girlfriend will be fine.”

“Oh she’s not my-”

“Someone, please!” A man with a small, blond haired boy in his arms rushed through the automatic doors. The woman next to him-I could only assume his wife, in tears. The nurse left me and went to their aid. I stood up to walk over to another nurse that sat in the other ones place at the same desk.

“Excuse me? Could you tell me what room Adelaide Hawkins is in?” The older and less friendly woman looked at a chart.

“Room 302,”

My body became anxious again. I was almost sprinting through the halls. When I found the room, her back faced me. “Ads?”
No response.

I walked slowly to the other side of the bed. Her eyes were open, but she didn’t meet my gaze. “Hey.” I said softly. She looked up at me, her gaze was livid. She turned to her other side. Blocking me out. “How are you feeling?”

Come on, say something.

“I’m alive, what do you think?” This was going to be harder than I thought.

I sat on the edge of the bed, our backs facing each other.

“I’m glad you’re alive.” She chuckled with no humor. “What? You don’t think so?” I stared at my hands that rested in my lap, waiting through the long pause.

“I think you made a mistake.” Her voice was softer and a little less harsh.

“Why’s that?” I needed to get her to say it all out loud. I needed her to open up to me for the first time, I needed to know everything. Why was she doing this? Was it about her parents, or school? Was ending her life what she really wanted? She didn’t answer though. “Adelaide, I don’t think you know the answer to that yourself.”

“Yeah, well you don’t know very much about anything do you?” Her tone was hard as she sat up, boring her eyes into mine, tears forming. Her lame comebacks usually humored me, but my mouth was frozen in a frown.

“I guess not, but I know that I will never regret saving your life, no matter how many times I have to do it.” The harsh V that was formed on her forehead relaxed. I leaned in closer to her, our lips inches apart.

I gasped for air as my eyes opened, my heartbeat echoing in my ears. I sat up in my bed.

A dream?

My insanity drove me to look out the window. Rain.

Oh no. What are thinking Gray?
I didn’t know what I was thinking. Everything about the dream was so, real, so accurate.
I reached for my cellphone.

Come on Adelaide, pick up, pick up, pick up!
No answer.
I called several more times. What if that wasn’t just a dream? What if something’s wrong? I hung up after the next ring, rushing to get dressed.

I put on a T-shirt, jeans and a pair of shoes. It all seemed so familiar. I looked down at my unripped shirt.

I couldn’t run fast enough. What if she’s gone? Dead. The desolate rain soaked my clothes with its tears; my skin felt numb against the freezing air.

Adelaide.