"Listen buddy. I don't have all day to stand here and I'd like to take my break soon. So would you stop staring at my boobs and answer the question.
Would you or would you not like fries with that?"
Andrew actually managed pull his beady little eyes away from my chest and grinned sheepishly.
"Sorry Katie. Yeah I'll have fries with that. Extra Large,"
He winked at me and grinned. I rang in his order and charged him extra for two apple pies he didn't order, just to be mean.
Working at McDonalds is a sad pathetic job. It pays though, but sometimes I wonder if any amount of money is worth Andrew coming in at Lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY I'm working there and ordering the same meal EVERY SINGLE DAY!
A Big Mac and extra large fries.
I don't think it's cuz he likes the food. In fact I can promise you he just likes the names. It’s easy to turn them into penis references. It took me all of three weeks of watching Andrew ordering the same thing everyday to figure it out. He always says the orders the same.
"I want a Biiiig Mac and EXTRA LARGE fries."
Once by “accident” he said “I want a Biiiig D***… I mean a Big Mac”
I almost turned around and quit. I would have if this job wasn't paying for my College Education.
I’ll be needing that if I ever plan on leaving McDonalds once and for all.
Seriously. I hate it here. Every day I go home smelling like a hamburger and I swear I’m getting fat just standing behind the counter!
Parent’s, shield your children from what I’m about to say.
I love school. It’s an escape from work!
Unfortunately Andrew is in one of my classes. Biology.
He had to sit beside me in class when we were talking about reproduction. Now that’s an awkward unit to begin with. They were showing us videos of conception and childbirth. We’ve seen things short of just plain old watching porn.
Here’s where it got ugly though.
They showed a picture of a penis, talking about things like blood flow and other fascinating things I was trying to copy down while drinking a steaming hot cup of fresh Timmy’ coffee. I don’t drink the McDonalds crap. It’s bad enough working there let alone eating or drinking any infernal godforsaken garbage that came out of there.
Then Andrew nudged me. I thought he wanted to borrow another pen and never return it (I think he takes them home because I touched them) but instead, much to my horror he just blurted out.
"Oh mines SO much bigger then that!"
I guess he wanted my full attention for that stupid little stunt
Then after the laughter had died down, he whispered to me.
"Trust me. It is Katie Baby. Wanna see?"
That was when in front of God and the entire class. I dumped an entire hot cup of steaming coffee on his head. He let out the most high pitched girlish wail that had ever come out of a mans mouth.
Andrews face was abnormally red for a couple days after and he was the laughingstock of the class. It was like High School all over again. People would ask Andrew
“Hey man how’s it hanging?” for months afterwards. You’d think he’d get some kind of reward for that kind of effort though. Well he didn’t. Life is not a storybook.
Back to the present day reality. Working in McDonalds and with Andrew standing across the counter from me.
"So, Katie," he said as he took the money out of his wallet.
"I was thinking, maybe you and me should catch a movie sometime. You know. Just a night for the two of us."
I took his money and didn't give him any change. He didn't notice. He was back to staring at my boobs again. I am not a well endowed female. In fact, My Father has bigger boobs then I do and he’s a pretty fit man for fifty. I had no idea what Andrew found so fascinating. Maybe he thinks staring will make me feel like there’s something to stare at thus making me feel pretty?
The loads of crap some people think up.
Sadly though Andrew is a persistant man and for the fifth or sixth time.
I had to break him “the news.”
"Andrew we've had this discussion before,” I started with. He looked up at me with the stupidest look in his eyes.
"I'm gay. I date girls and I have a girlfriend." I'd given him this speech about ten thousand times but he never listened.
"What if I made sweet love to you and your girlfriend sat on my face?”
The urge to murder him in the middle of the restaurant was familiar to me but never before had it been so strong or the visuals so gruesome,
“That is absolutely disgusting!” I snapped. “There is no way I would ever think of dating such a low life, perverted, foul smelling, egomaniacal IDIOT such as yourself!”
He put his elbows on the counter and smiled. Leaning towards me, I took a step backwards.
“Really?” He asked.
“Really.” I asserted. “Besides. I have a girlfriend.”
"What’s her name?"
"Umm. Michelle."
"How come I never see you with her?"
Damnit. I had been waiting for this question. I was gonna be damned if I told Andrew the truth. I'm single and haven't gotten laid in six months, over a year since I had a real girlfriend.
"She’s shy." I said quickly, hoping I could save my drowning lie.
He nodded.
"Sure, sure she does. Tell me Katie baby. When do you plan on accepting that you can't hide behind this Lesbian Facade forever? One day you'll see I'm your best shot at romance."
That was when I got mad.
"Facade?” I screamed.
“FACADE?"
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a manicured hand placing Andrews tray in front of me. I turned quickly, grabbing the girl beside me and planted a wet kiss on her lips.
Oh yes. It was French.
She was one of the new girls, young and pretty with blonde hair, blue eyes and a slim waistline that supermodels wish they had. I'm sure she was extremely confused by what had just happened, but she seemed to be cool with it.
I broke the kiss and looked at Andrew. His eyes were wide with surprise and his mouth open in shock.
“What’s the matter? Never seen two chicks make out before?” I snapped.
The new girl blushed and looked away.
"I am a lesbian!" I said loudly. “Deal with it and get out of my store!"
Andrew hung his head and left quickly without his food. I couldn't help but smile. I looked over to the girl I just kissed and said.
"I'm going on lunch break. Cover for me okay."
“Umm okay.” She said confused as to what exactly had just happened.
I helped myself to Andrews food and the two apple pies I had charged him for.

That night as I was leaving I saw the girl behind the counter. I had to say something.
“Sorry about the kiss thing earlier,” I said walking up to her. Her cheeks went red.
“It’s okay,” She said. “No big deal.”
I nodded. “Just wanted to make sure we were cool after that.”
She nodded in return and I noticed she was pushing something across the counter to me. It was a napkin.
On it in red pen it said
EMILY and a phone number. I looked up at her and saw her blushing.
“Call me.”