You know that saying. The one you never want to think about but yet you never want to forget.The one that haunts your mind every time you lay down to sleep,eat,and even breathe. It just repeats over and over day and night, and then you blame yourself hoping that blaming yourself will bring him back.Well it doesn't "you know you can feel when someone you love is dead you feel it in your heart and soul."...But yet still for some reason I think I missed it.Why did it miss me?... As I stood there A blank stare of hopelessness and confusion filled my face , I could have did something. I could have did something,he's stronger than that he's so much stronger..I could have saved him why didn't I save him...then the tears would start to fall. Yeah they started to fall hard, to the point I could hear them hit the floor.And then there was that sore throat I got every time I swallowed.. just wouldn't go away that day. "You know there's nothing like holding a dog tag." I suddenly look up to find a soldier standing in front of me. With smile on his face , it was calming, but i could still see the dried tears on his cheek .His bright baby blue eyes didn't hide the fact that the reddish pink on the outside of them were taking over,so much pain in his eyes. "yes" My crackly voice faded for that was all i could say. The soldier turned away to wipe a tear from his eye, Then looked back at me he paused, I could tell he was debating whether or not to hug me or speak again. "Who would have thought, two teen's crazy for each other would last this long, One in a box and one stuck with his two kids" Everyone paused in there tracks, shaking there heads in disgusted that some one could even make such a disrespectful comment.
I turned to find my mother standing there, Which didn't surprise me, She has always been the cause of everything that's happened to me and him for the passed fifteen years,
I couldn't help but show her respect, one because she still is my mother even if her unkind words do make me want to slap her." Megan, sweetie I am so sorry for your lost, how are the kids?" My stepfather spoke sounding as if he cared"there fine." Short and sweet, I know the only reason they showed up is for his will. Its okay there not going to be too shocked. There's nothing there, well for them at least. I slowly saw myself grinning, Then I drifted away upstairs to find myself slowly approaching our room.The door, last one on the left , I started sobbing as I walked to the doorknob.Slowly reaching it seems like it got more painful each time i put a little movement in the wrist My husbands jeans still laying on the floor from when he came home last year.I just looked at them,and stood there remembering how and when and what it felt like .I told him that I wasn't going to pick them up this time, That when he got back home he'd pick them up himself.It just killed me, I fell to the ground. Sobbing uncontrollably only to feel a small little soft hand on my lower back."mommy?,.. where's daddy?" .That question alone.The one I'd feared for all day.Had finally been asked. The words i tried so hard to say just wouldn't come out"Your daddy's out of town sweetheart"The voice had came out of nowhere It was a man, I just couldn't pull myself together to look up and thank him for saving me from a mental breakdown "Grandpa!". "Yes sweetheart now why don't you head down stairs for some food while I talk to your mother" .She left the room,I could hear my fathers footsteps approaching me "Megan..., he wanted you to have this.I'll sit it on your bed and when your ready..." his voice faded away I slowly found myself drifting off to sleep. And that's when I found myself in a memory lane...