Life is pretty hard for someone who’s slow. It’s especially hard to have no one to help you, or lead you in the right directions. Sometimes you’re so lost, you’re so confused, with no idea of what you’re supposed to be doing or where you’re supposed to be going. Friends are always getting annoyed with you and you’re never on good terms with any of your teachers. But what’s even harder is when your family never supports you. Like when your dad’s gone all the time, your siblings have their own lives to worry about, and your mom… well, she’s there when you definitely do not want her to be and never there when you do want her to be. This is my life.

Days pass by very slowly, too. Each day people say words, phrases, and sentences that don’t make any sense to me. But of course, I never bother to ask them to explain. When they do explain once in a great while, it just makes me even more confused than I already was before. Nevertheless, I try my hardest to get my work done and to do well in sports and to participate. Then I get home, and I’ve got a lot of homework to do, people to see, places to go, and things to say. This may seem simple, but it’s incredibly complicated and confusing for me.

Some days are worse than others. Sometimes I’ll try to be funny and crack a joke, but people will look at me like I’m a retard. Then I’ll be ignored, and people will exclude me. But what hurts the most, is when people put on this fake smile and a “sweet” voice and pretend like everything’s fine and that I’m completely normal. Other days, teachers and people around me will try and explain what I’m supposed to do in class and how to do my work. I just get even more confused, but after I ask five times and still don’t get it, I just struggle along and try to guess at what I’m doing. I usually end up getting a C or sometimes even an F.

Want to know something that makes things even worse than they already could be? I just moved to this town three months ago. I moved here because last school year in seventh grade I had been cyber bullied and verbally abused. This makes fitting in even harder because in this small town, everybody knows everybody… except for me. I always hear them talking about these people that I don’t even know, so I can’t join in on their conversation. This one time, a girl walked up to me and asked, “Do you know anyone here?” I answered no. But all she did was act like everything was fine and walked away, without saying anything else. I know better than that, though; I know it isn’t fine.

If there was only some way I could express myself in the school I go to, Lakeview Junior High and High School. We can’t put any unnatural hair colors in are hair, we can’t wear anything “distracting”, no outlandish hairstyles, no rips in our jeans, and no shorts higher than mid thigh when we sit down. Maybe if they allowed people to somehow express themselves and be unique, I could deal with my life. But since they don’t, I have no way of escaping this. But isn’t faith moving without knowing? I’m not completely sure… actually, I’m not completely sure of anything.

I don’t even know why I bother to ask questions at my school or even anywhere else. Whenever I ask something to a student or a teacher, they usually just stare at me for a second and then look away because my question was too obvious or dumb. I definitely could never stand up to someone to defend my own self, either. I don’t think that I could ever even stand up to someone to defend one of my friends, if I have or had any. Sometimes I just feel so bad for myself, knowing I’m not the brightest kid in the whole entire world. I think that I most likely have the lowest self confidence out of every single person I know. But I might be wrong; you never know what’s going on behind a fake smile.

After a few years, I’ve learned to not trust anyone that lives in the same state as you. Nowadays, it seems like you can never count on anyone to always be there for you and to always keep everything that you tell them a secret. A little more than a year ago, I was taken to a place for people with any hurts, habits, or hang ups. My sponsor, or leader, that I was given said that she would always be there for me and that I could talk to her about anything whenever I needed to. Well, just a week ago, she failed that. The one person I thought would never disappoint me did. It was last Friday, and I was on the curb of the street outside of the building crying after she had yelled at me when she was in the middle of something and I needed to talk to her more badly than ever. That night, I decided to never trust anyone completely ever again.

So, I guess you’re probably wondering what my name might be. I’m Hope… ironic, right? I’m always hoping for something to happen that would somehow change my life and give it a twist. I’m always waiting for someone to come that I could finally trust in; some kind of reward for having to go through this. Maybe that sounds a bit selfish. Every time I try to open up to my mom she tells me that I’ve got it better than most kids in the world. She gives me the whole “children in Africa” lecture. Maybe I don’t have the worst life, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean that no one should help me. But then again, maybe it does. Honestly, I’m not alright.
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Every day, there is someone who is in desperate need of help from some person, yet every day they are let down once again. We see someone who needs our help, but then say to ourselves, “Someone else will help them eventually. They’ll be fine.” But if we all waited around for someone to be in the front of the line in the store, then there wouldn’t ever be a line. No one would buy anything, and eventually the store would go out of business. Today, challenge yourself to be the first person in line. I think you’d be surprised to find how many people will follow your example. Reach out, and help someone who needs you.