When most people look at me they think I'm a typical Indiana girl. I'm not tall, not short, and my hair and eyes are hazel. Everything about me is just average. Like most other people in Marengo, Indiana, my parents both work at the cedar mill two miles from our house. My brother moved to Indianapolis last year to study at a university there. He used to come home often since Marengo is only about two hours from Indianapolis, but once he started dating Gina he stopped coming home as much. I miss him sometimes since he was always there for me when I needed someone to talk to, especially when it came to problems with my friends and crushes on boys. He always knew what to say, unlike my dad who panics every time I mention a boy's name. But at least he listens to what I have to say, unlike my mom who's always "busy." I'd like to say I have lots of friends to talk about this stuff to, however, since last spring none of my old friends have even sat with me at lunch.



It was a Saturday and the day of my 15th birthday. I had invited 10 of my close friends to a pool party at the water park my cousin works at. We were all having a good time when the conversation started to get gossip-y. I tried to stay out of it but eventually the spotlight turned on me. "Samantha, tell us how many boys you've dated" exclaimed Jessica as she looked at me. Everyone turned to me as they smiled and giggled. "Um, uh" I muttered as I stared at the water. "C'mon, Sam" my cousin muttered as her and Jessica exchanged glances. It took me a few minutes but finally I blurted out "None. I've never dated!" and with that I ran into the dressing room sobbing. All the girls were speechless as they slowly got out of the water, gathered their things, and left. What I didn't realize then was they didn't only leave the water park; they also left my life.


Since then I've not only had no self-confidence, but, I've also not had anyone to express my feelings too. For awhile I felt helpless, not only did I not experience love yet, I also had no friends because of it. But as I woke up this morning I felt a surge of confidence. I found myself looking in the mirror and saying "Samantha you're beautiful, it'll be okay." I had finally gotten over the rough patch in my life. It was then I remembered: the night before my crush called and asked me to hang out; my friend Sydney called to admit she has never dated either and felt bad for waiting so long to tell me; I had aced my math test the day before in school; I found out my brother was coming home for the weekend; and I finally realized that I'm not average, I'm unique. It was the first time in my life I had ever felt this way, and it wasn't because I knew people cared about me, it was because I cared about myself. I couldn't love someone else unless I already loved myself. That is a lesson I will carry with me forever, and I will strive to continue looking at the positives in life.