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The Curious Question of Annoying Children

November 29, 2011
By Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
More by this author
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Yesterday, as I strolled down the dried foods aisle of a local supermarket, I heard a strange and frightening noise- the sound of a young child not getting his way. As I drew nearer, the shrieking intensified. Upon reaching the end of the aisle, I saw the reason for the commotion- a boy of about two or three years old had spotted a bin of chocolate candies and wanted a taste. His mother, instead of simply telling him no, had tried to reason with him.

I saw that things could not end well. The child, having wedged his feet under the lip of the shelf near the floor, showed no signs of letting go of the lid of the candy bin. The mother, who by now was nearly sitting on top of the lid, showed no signs of letting the child have his way. The air began to fill with the stench of sweat from the struggle. I turned away my head to continue my shopping.

“We can’t afford this candy right now,” I heard the mother say as I continued my search for dried pineapples. “Maybe I can get you something at the check out.”

She sounded absolutely exhausted. The grimace on the child’s face would have scarred a battle hardened soldier. Besides making my skin crawl, it told me that things would only get worse when they went home. My friends, is this the kind of world we want to live in? Bowing to the will of those that would annoy us to our deaths? I think not. Hence, I continue to advocate the implementation of the Annoyance Removal Agency (ARA), under the leadership of the illustrious and accredited Joshua McAwesome, to defend and protect our future from those who would mar it with further annoyance.
With all due respect and honesty,
Archibald Phineas Crane
Aristocrat,
Internet Blogger,
People Advocating Annoyance Reduction (PAAR)

© Dana H., Wichita Falls, TX

The author's comments:
Ok, so I thought this would be kind of funny. I see people ranting about stupid stuff online all the time, and I figured, "What the heck? Why not?" I like kids, by the way, and I work a lot with middle and elementary schoolers. After writing this, my brother (the real Joshua McAwesome) decided that we want to do a Youtube series based on this petition for peace and quiet.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 57 comments.

TaylorWintry DIAMOND said...
on Feb. 3 2015 at 10:42 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Never fear shadows. They simply mean there&#039;s a light shining somewhere nearby.&quot; - Unknown

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Hi there. I saw this in the contest forums and decided to take a little field trip. While this may be a funny story, which it is, no arguments there, it's really interesting how you've put it together. Perhaps my favorite part of all of this was how you ended it up being a letter from some agency. That's so crazy, and I can guarantee nobody saw it coming. I wrote a story similar to this called "The Girl Who Turned in Alexander Carter's Math Homework," and your article reminds me of my own. ^.^ That's the best way to connect with your audience, I believe. One final question: who is to stop this from being a real letter? Thanks for writing.
Red546 GOLD said...
on Nov. 7 2013 at 3:24 pm
Red546 GOLD, Warrenton, Georgia
13 articles 0 photos 32 comments
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Well done! You have read my mind, my friend. And my friends will kill me if they ever hear me say that. :)
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 7 2011 at 8:54 pm
i can't do a British accent, but I got a lot of humor out of it anyway  :P
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 7 2011 at 5:17 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Thanks.  Did I mention that it MUST  be read with a British aristocratic accent to get the full humor?
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 7 2011 at 5:15 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile
Thanks. :)
Neytiri GOLD said...
on Dec. 7 2011 at 5:11 pm
Neytiri GOLD, Hilo, Hawaii
14 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live as if you&#039;ll die today. Dream as if you&#039;ll live forever.

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Oh my God!! This is so funny!!! YOu have such a good imagination!!! Well fricking done dude!!!!!!
Brokenness_is_Beautiful SILVER said...
on Dec. 7 2011 at 5:04 pm
Brokenness_is_Beautiful SILVER, Independece, Louisiana
6 articles 3 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is so ironic to understand fully, it takes sadness to know what is happiness. noise to distinguish silent and a broken heart to find true love.

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HA! I love this!!!!
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 7 2011 at 2:48 pm
she wants to know, "what exactly...cough...IS my style?"
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 5:40 pm
just a little.  hey, can you talk?
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 5:39 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile

This is my second most popular piece, and it's only been up for 5 days...

Crazy, isn't it?

 

Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 5:32 pm
haha  I'll try  :P  but really, i don't know how much she likes reading, and I really don't talk to her as much as i used to, we are both always busy
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 5:31 pm
haha  ikr  :P
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 5:30 pm
gruesomely.....I don't know if I would go straight to that.....but it is undeniably funny  :D
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 4:18 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile
You should have her read more of my stuff.  It's kind of her style...
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 4:15 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile
Ahahaha, wow, that fails.
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 3:18 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile
Wow, 500 views already. Still 5 stars, and still kind of gruesomely funny.
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 11:54 am
haha  I did  xD  and i finished one level, started another, then got kicked off for football, then this morning my bro was playing it, and I found out I had one tiny checkpoint left in that mission!!!  ahhh!!!
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 11:52 am
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile
Yes, do that. It will be a while before it gets accepted, anyway.
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 6:08 pm
uhm...I thought you were submitting it.....  :-/  now I have nothing to do....oh, wait, Yes I do!!!  I will go kick my sister off the PS3 and play Call of Duty: Black Ops, which just happens to be on my library card  :D
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 3:39 pm
:D  good  (even with the strapping tape on parts of it  xP )