Alone, sad, helpless, crazy, useless. I feel these things on a daily basis, and most of the time I’ve been able to push those feelings down but lately it’s been hard. I don’t know why I feel this way, maybe because it’s true? Maybe I am useless, I sure feel like it. I feel alone most of all, maybe because I make myself alone. I often try to hide from people because I’m scared they’ll take me to a mental hospital or a therapist. I know I need help, but I just want support from my family and friends. I feel like I have to please them, and I have to be perfect. No matter what I try, these feelings won’t go away. I will not reveal my true name, but I will reveal my story. When I was born, it was like any other happy birth that went fine. My dad was a psychologist, my mom dead after three months of my life. I thought it was normal, being beaten every day and hooked up to machines. I never went to school, I was home schooled. I never had very much social interaction either. I was abused by my older brother. Beaten every day until I was almost dead, but he would let me heal and then beat me close to death again. My dad was always there afterwards, testing my blood pressure and hooking me up to beeping machines then recording the information. It was like a torturing cycle that never ended, I was the experiment. Until family friend Andrew came into the picture. He was nice to me, and he would always compromise with my dad and brother to not hurt me so bad. I thought that the cycle would end. It didn’t. Andrew started hurting me too. My dad just loved using me as his experiment. I’m pretty sure he didn’t care about going to jail for child abuse, as long as he got his information. Andrew knew a lot about the human body, and he would hurt me in the places that he knew would damage easily. When I was fourteen, after about three years of being mentally and physically abused by Andrew, I went mute. Another year went by, and so did my hearing too. I was torn down by the people who are supposed to be the most close to you. Some of you must be thinking, “how did you handle it?”. You see, there was one person I loved but we were across the country. We loved each other so much that we both knew we would be reunited one day and everything bad will leave. Soon, I’ll escape and live my own free life without violence, but I will never have good memories about my childhood and my world will always be silent because of one person. Things like that haunt you; they follow you until you can’t take anymore so you break. You break and everything that was once you, is now broken too, turning you into a big pile of brokenness that can never be fixed. One day, it won’t hurt so much. I’m waiting for that day.