“Love, I don’t know if I can come home.” I could feel the tears dancing on my cheek like a waterfall. His words slapped me across the face. I could feel the stinging pain from my face travel down to my heart.It felt like a knife searing in my heart.

Hesitantly, I whispered “what do you mean?” I wished for a simple answer that his plane was late or some other silly answer. Something that would give me a gleam of hope. However, I knew that would not happen. I knew it was much more than that.

It took me a minute to catch up. I felt my mind connect the pieces. I could see the shattering image play into my mind like a broken record player.

"No! No! No! Tell me-" I shook my head and clutched my heart to feel a sting of pain. It was just that my heart didn't want to believe it."This can't be happen-" My words drowned as I coughed up more tears. This was not supposed to happen tomorrow. It was never supposed to happen.

“I-I-I” I heard a loud choke coming through the phone. He was trying so hard to resist his emotions... just like me. I felt my stomach and knees go weak over the expected answer.

After an intense silence, he choked with exhaustion coated in his voice “I have to fight tomorrow, darling”. He must have tried so hard to not break down all this time while knowing. I wanted to ask him how many weeks or months has he known he would deploy. But, I didn't want to waste any precious time we had for ourselves.

“The enemies are closer than we thought.” I did not need his explanation. The only thing I needed was his assurance. I needed to know he would be here tomorrow. I needed to know he would be here tomorrow and I could hug him as much as I want.

“Be careful.” I mumbled hoarsely hoping he would not hear the pain encrusted in my voice. I didn't know what more to say. I knew whatever I said would not make him change his answer. He was too stubborn for his own good. Maybe, that's why I fell in love with him.

“Whatever happens tomorrow, I don’t want any tears on your beautiful face.” I put a hand on my mouth trying to silence the chokes of pain. How could he be so positive in a time like this? How could he be so darn brave? He wasn't even the one fighting tomorrow and here I am, crying my heart out.

“Promise?” I could not promise him. It was too much of a pain. I felt like drowning in my tears. I felt like I never met him so I wouldn't have to face this painful news. However, I knew I would have missed a wonderful person who was strong and caring enough to help anyone.

“Promise you will fight on, baby.” He continued in a hoarse voice. I wish he knew how much deeper he was cutting my heart and it was not even his fault. The word “baby” triggered me to think about our unborn child. I placed my other hand on my stomach unconsciously while feeling the small round bump.

I could feel the guilt filling in my stomach. Should I tell him about our little creation? The outcome of our impossible love for each other.

I was procrastinating on telling him tomorrow before the whole change in news. I wanted to tell him how happy I was when I found about the little angel.

But, I couldn’t find the words to tell him.

I knew this would be the best reason to stop him. If he found, I knew he would back out in a second. However, I didn’t want to be the reason from stopping him from his dream. He always wanted to fight and protect his country.

Maybe, it was more of the feeling that I didn’t want him to feel that he was leaving a lot behind. I wanted him to do what he wanted even with the baby. If he wanted to fight for his country, I wanted him to.

I didn’t want us to stop him. I knew that was the best decision to make now.

I just hoped he would understand whenever he found out.

I only did it for him.

A sniffle on the phone brought me back to the depressing world.

“Promise. Forever.” I nodded my head shakily while muttering those two simple words.

“I love you. Forever.” I knew the end was reaching near. I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted to shout to keep talking to me. However, those words were drowned by the jug of tears flowing down my face and wetting my t-shirt.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I couldn’t believe him.

I didn’t want him to leave me.

I didn’t want to lose the love of my life...not like this anyway.

I felt my breathing pick up as numerous thoughts jammed my head. It was getting too much.

I needed to end this so soon or I would long to hear his voice.

I held the phone in my hands and pressed the end button cutting off connection we had before simply whispering “I love you.”

I felt a shiver run up my spine when I relived the memory in my mind. It was five years till he was taken away from this world. He left me alone in the cruel world to fight on. He was brave enough to fight for our country. He was brave enough to leave me. He was brave enough to face death all by himself.

I never had strength like him to go on.

There were days where I was on the edge off death wishing to end my life just so I can be with him again.

There were days I wondered why I didn’t face death like him.

There were days when I felt like slitting my skin open and let the poisoned blood and tears mix together.

But, I couldn’t.

There was something stopping me every time.

Maybe, it was him or the little angel that lighted my world.

I felt small hands rubbing small circles on my cheek.

I knew our little creation was the more of the reason.

“Momma, there is whatr from your eyes.” Our child spoke in his broken English. I stared at our living creation before me. He had his father’s curious chocolate colored eyes. I placed my shivering hands on his soft black hair just to feel a sense of security. I just needed to feel he would always be here.

“Momma, ya okay?” A small frown consumed his tan colored face. I harshly rubbed my face with a paper tissue trying to clean any evidence of tears. He had seen too much of my broken state.

What was more funny was that he acted more of like a mother than I did, sometimes.

The worst pain a mother can bear was when her child’s face was in pain. I saw a trace of confusion on his face before I took him and placed him gently on my lap.

“Momma, don’t worrrr.” He slurred. My little boy, Hope, clenched his tiny hands and placed them into a fighting position.

“I will protect you, momma.” I gave him a soft smile before pecking a small kiss on his forehead.

“Don’t worry, momma. I will fight.” I saw the little child close his eyes gently as sleep took over him. Rocking back and forth, I let the last words linger in mind.

“Promise you will fight on.”

The only thing I knew now was I needed to fight for the perfect creation his brave father and I made.

I will be brave like him.

I will fight like he did to protect our baby.

“I love you, dear.” I whispered into the open air hoping he would hear my unspoken feelings before I cut the phone off on that unfortunate day.

I could not help but add on “and I will fight on for our baby.”