I wait in the shadows for I am one. I am always the second thought, always the watcher. People don’t see me but I see them. No one talks to me; I don’t talk to them. This is how it goes. This is the life of a shadow. My name is Sarah Hilary Haddock and these are my observations.

9:00 Science
Observation: Party with booze = everyone with phone is invited, as long as they are popular, and it doesn’t matter that those invited don’t personally know host
Mrs. Hertz is currently writing the mole formula. All the students are quickly jotting it down in their notebooks, well most are anyway. I look to my left where Veronica is and like usual, she is more focused on her phone. I notice that the phone has once again changed cases. This would be the third new case this week. It is not surprising that she has acquired a new one. Every class she talks about how terribly out of date her past ones had been.
Today’s case is sparkly purple with bows. Her manicured nails glide across the key pad, her eyebrows knitted in concentration. I don’t understand how much concentration texting would take especially hers. Ok, so I have been taking a few peeks at her texts but it’s not my fault that she basically shows me. I mean come on, her screen is always up to its brightest and the texts are red. Plus, even I have to get away from Mrs. Hertz’s voice every once and a while. It’s worse than hearing my cat choke on his hairballs. Anyway, Veronica’s fingers stop and she presses send. A loud “whoosh” comes out of her phone and all eyes turn to her. She looks up, her sky blue eyes gleaming a little, smirks and shrugs her shoulders. I roll my eyes.
I decide to refocus on science, though Mrs. Hertz hasn’t moved on from the mole formula, when I hear a “ding”. Once again, all eyes turn to Veronica but she doesn’t notice. She turns to her right and whispers to Lucinda. Now, these girls tend to not exactly whisper, more like speak softly but still able to be heard.
“ Oh my God! So, like, this guy is throwing a party at his house. He says to bring your own booze. What am I going to wear?”
“ V, chill. Who is this guy? Do I know him?”
“ Lue, don’t be silly. He is much older and his family is away. Mary, Alice and Hannah were also invited. I can’t, like, bring my own booze though. My parents would totes go crazy.”
“ V, no prob. I gottcha. I got lots of booze. Frankie hid some at his house.”
“ Thanks, Lue. You’re the best.”
Ah yes, the intellectual conversations in my science class. Aren’t they interesting? Though, I often wonder what it would be like to be invited to a party. I mean I wouldn’t go to one with alcohol but still. Well, that’s the bell. Until next time,
S.H.H.


11: 40: Lunch
Observations: Typical popular girl meal: salad and water, kids text kids next to them, faculty uses phones as much as students.
Yes, lunch: the most interesting time of day for a shadow. Now as a shadow I have the opportunity to sit anywhere. I am completely ignored. Though, sometimes I am acknowledged. This normally involves an eye glance but hey, it’s something. So today I have chosen a prime spot. I am at a table full of social butterflies and the table is right at the center of the café.
As I pick at my sandwich, I look around and open my ears. Ok, let’s start at the most simple thing. My eyes wander around the room until… hah! Three popular girls all with identical lunches, and look, they are sitting next to each other, how perfect. One girl, Molly perhaps, folds a napkin and places it on her lap. Well, she’s been properly taught in table manners. The girl next to her flips her blond braid then picks up a fork. It plunges into her salad. Molly also has a salad. I look next to them and see a brunette, also with a salad. Now maybe it’s just those three. But, wait! My eyes catch another table and see five girls all with salad, fascinating. You know I kind of want a salad now.
I look at my sandwich and debate eating it. A “ click, click” catches my attention and I look behind me. A boy in his football uniform is happily texting away. It’s typical for teens to forget about something as important as food and text away. You know I’m pretty much doing the same thing but I’m not that hungry. Anyway, a “ buzz, buzz” comes from the boy next to the jock. The boy, who’s wearing shorts in the winter, answers the text then the jock buzzes. Really. Can’t they just talk to each other?
I’m about to actually eat my sandwich when I hear:
“ Hey Drew.”
“ Hi Kate.”
“ So did you catch the game last night?”
“No. Hold on. I’ll go look it up.”
A phone comes out of the man’s pocket and he types away. Now, one could hear this conversation and think it was between teenagers. However, the people talking are my assistant principal and math teacher. The faculty tends to use their phones a lot. The other day, Mr. Falls took out his phone after yelling at Avery for having her phone out. Now that just does not seem fair. But, I guess whatever the adults say goes.
“ Please clean that before leaving, thank you.”
Yes, Mr. Baldwin whatever you say. Oh, there he goes with his phone. Well, I’d better clean up.
Until next time,
S.H.H.

1: 09: study hall
Observation: those who drink underage don’t hide the fact, they show pictures of themselves drunk, even if the picture was taken by accident, to whoever sits at table
Study hall is one of those times where I sometimes wish I weren’t a shadow. Study hall means friends and relaxation. Since I’m invisible, I have no one to talk to, well I have this journal but you can’t talk back, sorry. Study hall is also the perfect time to observe. Again, being a shadow, enables me to sit anywhere. Today, I’m sitting with Chase and his friends.
I know Chase from math, well sort of; I mean I look at him. He seems pretty normal and I wouldn’t see him as a drinker. Of course, study hall is where the real person comes out. He is wearing a Cookie Monster shirt and ripped jeans. His blond hair has fallen over his eyes and I really want to swat it away. I know I’m a shadow and pretty much invisible but I’m pretty sure Chase would notice me come to his face and touch his hair. So I restrain myself.
“So over this break, I visited my brother and man did I get wasted.”
Wow, that’s awfully nice. Oh, do tell us more!
“So, I took a bunch of pictures apparently and man are they funny.”
He then shows us the pictures from his phone. As he flips through them I hear,
“ Oooo.”
“ Ha, dude that is whack.”
“ So, whadya drink?”
The last question makes Chase smile. He puffs up his chest and proudly says,
“Smirnoff.” Oh, good for you. Let’s strike up the band.
“Nice!”
“Man! That’s the good stuff.”
High fives go all around. Am I the only one at this table that is concerned by the fact these boys call Smirnoff the “good stuff”? I look around and notice smiles. Yup, apparently.
I wonder what it would be like to have people look at me the way they do at Chase. Can shadows have friends? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of being a shadow? Oh well, maybe someday I will be amongst the crowd.
Until next time,
S.H.H.


7: 27: before school
Observation: guys who have new girlfriends every week are still seen as dateable
Beginning of school is always the worst and not just for shadows. It’s the beginning of school, of course it’s going to be terrible, but luckily for me, this is when students are least awake and anything can come out of their mouths. Today’s juicy topic: Rachel is now dating Keith.
Keith Upton is notorious for dating two girls at the same time and getting a new one each week. Now who in their right mind would want to date someone like that? Well, Rachel. Seeing as girls still go out with him can only mean one thing: go out with Keith and be the talk of the school. Well tada, Rachel. You did it. Now how do you feel?
“ Keith was totally checking me out Friday and so I, like, talked to him. He said I was cute and Jessica was so last week. He then wrapped his arms around me and said, ‘ I like ya perfume.’ Isn’t that adorable?”
Rachel’s squeaky voice resonates throughout the room. Excuse me while I gag.
“Ya, Ray, so great. I am so jealous. I wish Mike told me he liked my perfume. But no, he’s all, ‘So babe, ya still wearing that perfume?’ Ugh, what a jerk.”
Totally. They continue blabbing about how awesome Keith is and I tune them out. I try to concentrate on you, journal, but I can’t help it. My mind is wondering. Will anyone think I’m cute? Should I interact with these girls, maybe ask them to make me more noticeable. Wait! What am I saying? Talk to them? Please I can do so much better. Who knows, I might end up liking Keith if I talk to them. Yuck!
Until next time,
S.H.H


8:40: Chorus
Observation: teachers can be oblivious

Mr. Caldwell opens up his dusty music book and begins to tell us to gather onto the risers. I’m too busy watching Sabrina gallop onto the stage to hear him. The risers shake and I begin to fear for the lives of those already on it. Oh wait, I’m about to go on the risers, hooray. Wish me luck. Anyway, it is always interesting to watch Sabrina attempt to walk. Her normal wardrobe consists of ridiculous heels and long dresses. I swear the heels get bigger every week; soon she’ll be through the roof!
“Excuse me. Excuse me!”
“Oof.”
There goes Jake. Man, she is strong.
I notice Janie and Maren make their way to the stage. Oh, this is going to be interesting. You see, Janie, Maren and Sabrina have been going at it since the beginning of the year. It all started when Janie tripped and spilled her coffee on one of Sabrina’s ridiculous dresses. Maren, being the peace keeper, apologized for Janie and made the mistake of placing her hand on Sabrina’s shoulders.
“How dare you! That is vintage!”
And, well, a few claws came out and hair littered the floor. Ok, so hair didn’t exactly litter the floor, only a few pieces of dress, but it was ugly. At this point one would assume that Mr. Caldwell would tell them to go to the principal and then have them removed. Yah, that is what a good teacher would do. Mr. Caldwell, well, he stood there and continued going over his rules. Wasn’t one of his rules “no fighting”? Boy did he miss that one.
So, going back to today, Janie and Maren make their way up to the risers, Sabrina shooting daggers at them. They pass each other and Maren’s arm touches Sabrina’s. She grabs Maren’s arm and yells, “Watch where ya goin’ ya tramp!”
Remember when I said Maren was the peace keeper? Heh, she kind of forgot that herself.
“Tramp, tramp!” Who ya callin’ a tramp ya * bleep*.”
Yah, it goes on for a while. But after about 3 minutes, Sabrina storms off the stage, opens her backpack, takes a cookie out, storms back onto the stage and throws it at Janie. Now, that just doesn’t seem fair. She was not involved. This further fuels Maren’s fire and she starts to shout again. More * bleeps* fill the air and everyone’s mouths drop. Everyone’s except Mr. Caldwell’s that is. He continues to flip through his dusty, old book.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have someone who would make me feel better and not take a cookie standing down. Then again when would someone throw a cookie at me? I mean, come on, a cookie? That’s pretty random. There is one thing I have learned from this and other Janie, Maren and Sabrina spats: Who needs a zoo when you have high school?
Until next time,
S.H.H.

9: 38: Passing time
Observations: bookworms get really involved in books and can read and walk
Now I have to admit that this observation applies to me also. Yes, I am a bookworm and proud of it. It’s not my fault that books can be very annoying and addicting, for example, Jane Eyre. Oh, that book was so annoying. I mean, really, St. John Rivers couldn’t have gone to India with Jane as his cousin. He really had to make her his wife. Seriously, he told her he would never force anything on her, but, oh, I am going to force you into being my wife. Yah, that makes perfect sense.
Anyway, Janie, when she is not having a spat with Sabrina, loves reading. She is able to finish a book in less than a day and gets really into it. Today she is reading Strange Angel . I’m not exactly sure what that book is about but it seems pretty frustrating. As she walks down the hall, while reading, she throws an arm up in the air and exclaims, “That son of a female dog!”
Oh, no he didn’t. What he actually did, well only Janie knows.
“Seriously Drew. Why would you go without back up? Ugh.”
Wow, intense. I notice Leal walk up to her, her glasses slightly crooked.
“Hey Janie. How’s the book?”
Janie quickly looks up from her book and gives her a “seriously?” look. She puts her hand in the book to save her spot and says, “Terrible. Well, the writing is not bad but the characters are really annoying. So Christophe is bad again and is the one who turned Graves. So Drew, like every idiot girlfriend, decides, ‘Oh, I’m just going to go save Graves by myself.’ Yah, great plan Drew.”
Leal laughs a little. “Wait till you read the 7th chapter.”
“Oh, great. Let me guess Drew does something stupid and Graves saves her. Seriously, the last books were so much better. It’s like Divergent all over again.”
“Janie, relax. I would rather be reading that than Das Glasperlenspiel.”
“True.”
Janie and Leal reach the stairs and climb them; Janie still reading. How does she do that? Can books be considered friends? If so then I have a lot. Are you, journal, my friend? That would be cool, you already know my thoughts.
Until next time,
S.H.H.

Mind of S.H.H.
Observation: life of a shadow is often a lonely one but it can be ok too
I am a shadow. Never noticed, heard, and seen. It’s ok, I guess. Perhaps I am just like Millicent from Initiation. Maybe I am just meant to be a heather bird and “Swoop carefree over the moors” and “ be proud in {my} freedom.” Freedom. Yes, I do have freedom. As a shadow I can be me and not be judged. I won’t be morphed into something I’m not. Having books as friends is just fine. They will help me through tough times, sure. And who ever said a shadow can’t have a fellow shadow? I just have to open my eyes more and maybe I’ll see someone as in the dark as me. Come to think of it, Millie seems to be always alone in a corner. I might have just found my fellow shadow. Perhaps, one day, I will find more shadows and together we will enter the light.
Always here,
S.H.H.