I'm a wash made of maybe's and you. I know I say it too often: I'm sorry. Sorry for what? I don't know, but remember when Dad told us to blame ourselves for what goes wrong when nobody will? To be the better man, to grow up. He always said those things at the kitchen table, albeit nobody was ever there to hear him. Though I always sat with him and you too. You were jealous on occasion by how close I was to our father compared to the rest in our basket. Was that it? Was it really my fault?
Or maybe it was those days I'd stay after school to practice for orchestral festival competitions. When I left you alone at home with all the problems of your tin foil knights and a realm of dragons and trolls. Never could cross that bridge without someone. I never questioned why you jumped toward the sky or the screams coming from your pillow. The purple one was dark by the time I came home.
But it was that one night that I finally figured to stop. I stayed outside our bedroom door as I hearrd you yell and thrash while in Mom's arms. I peaked to see your eyes hanging on it all, Mom saw her baby having a sleepless night that she couldn't fix by morning. Every cry from that room that night was a droplet swimming down my face in the sound of silence. You know how much I hate to admit I was scared and still am. I was scared when I felt your heart weeping under those covers and I asked what was wrong. I was terrified when you told me to call Mom.
And I couldn't take it when we drove you to that place of whites and blues. The staff dragged you inside like an insane women. I wanted to cry in school every second of the day that week. I learned people don't usually care for misery but are happy it's not theirs. The floor turned into an ice rink and I had no idea how to skate to the exit or you. Nobody told me to hold on to the rails, then again, I never saw any.
I'm cold and nobody bothered to ask if I need a blanket. You are in the middle of the ice rink and we are both helpless.
Everything is too late to complete right now. the puzzle pieces have been lost in our minds but I promise you I'll buy a new set. I promise.
And it took many tries but I did. Remember that? Yes, I see you sitting beside me but every half hour I get scared.
Dad told me to take care of you from now on even if you're my senior. Funny that, children directing an army. Though it ain't impossible. Just like you.





-Your Sister.