She inhaled the white snowflakes off of the metal counter above the sink. Pulling her nose open so that the drip would be short and quick, Kathryn looked at the mirror. Her stringy, dark auburn hair was falling in front of her face, the flickering fluorescent light made her skin look sickly, but the only thing she stared at were her make-up covered eyes. Watching as the light in them was being overtaken by a dark shadow. She snapped out of her gaze and ran back to the car where the stench of weed lingered, she hopped in and they drove off into the night.

Her alarm woke her up out of a deep sleep the next morning. After getting ready she walked over to the big mirror over her desk. She looked at the mirror; her luscious auburn hair was pulled back into the perfect ponytail, her face was clear of all make-up, yet the darkness still loomed in her eyes; but from far away she looked like a completely different person. Leaving for the car she turns and looks one last time into the mirror, “Who am I?” she thinks, and continues to walk away.

When she arrives at school, she walks to her locker alone. As she leaned against her locker she saw her old friends walk by. As they giggled to each other she could see a brightness that shined in their eyes. She snarled her lip and walked to class.

In class, she watches her teachers as they lecture enthusiastically. A few years ago lectures would have interested her, but through the years she lost all motive to care. At lunch she sees her little sister come bouncing down the hallway. Her eyes shined a fading light. As she walks, Kathryn remembers something from a few nights ago. Before she snuck out she heard Minnie in her room crying faintly. This reminded Kathryn of what she was like. She put a face on for the world; pretending to be happy. “Minnie shouldn’t never have to feel the pain of pretending to be perfect.” She thinks while feeling the same pain.

That night she just watched as the ‘druggies’ did their drugs and spoke the first thoughts that came to their mind. “They are so lucky, to not have a care in the world. They never worry about pretending for the world.” She looked at each of their eyes, noticing how some were darker than others.
“Maybe pretending got to be too much for them. I wonder what made them crack. No one decides that they want to be a druggy, I didn’t. I pretend I’m not like them, but I’m still giving in … The pressure to excel is going to make me crack. The things I take on require hours of focus, which I don’t have. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for me to be able to succeed at everything.” She did another line.

“Oh I am way too high right now. I need to go home and sleep and be calm.”


She took a personal day; mostly sleeping and staring. She woke up to loud yelling. It was her mom screaming at Minnie. Kathryn listened, trying to catch what was going on. “HUNGOVER” “DISSAPOINTMENT” “Oh Minnie, you’re a dumb*ss. I told you to be careful.” “3 CLASSES” “FAILING” “Wait, are you fu**ing kidding me!? I’M NOT FAILING ANY CLASSES! AND I’M ON COCAINE FOR GOD’S SAKE AND I HAVE MY LIFE UNDER CONTROL! Sure I’m getting C’s but….still.” She stared at the mirror over her desk and fell back to sleep.


She cut herself a line. Her thoughts filled her mind. She started thinking about Minnie and how Minnie would end where she was if she stayed on the path she was on.
“Hey,” she said softly. “Do you guys feel like there’s more to life than just drugs? They all just gave blank looks.
“Dude… That’s way too deep for this high.” Someone replied.
Kathryn stared at all of them and left. She started walking down the empty streets of her neighborhood. She didn’t really know where she was walking to, but it wasn’t home.
She walked for a while and ended up walking to her neighborhood pool. She had grown up there. She walked up to the cold metal fence and looked into her old life. The more she looked the brighter the pool grounds got. She started to notice people walking around and the scent of barbequed hamburgers: she was watching a swim meet. Then she saw herself running back to her towel after a race. When little twelve year old Kathryn got there she threw down her goggles. Kathryn remembered the meet very clearly; her goggles had come off for the second time that meet. “One of the seniors yelled something like ‘it’s not the end of the world.’ at me. But it was. To me at least. I needed to be the best at everything I did. That was the way I liked it.”

She sat there for a while thinking about how she use to not let anyone be better than her. Putting her hands on face and then running them through her hair she realized she had no control over her life. The worse thought was that she didn’t want Minnie to get on the same path. “I’m going to change for Minnie and for myself.”

When Kathryn got home she wiped the make-up off her face, scrubbed her hair and, lastly, grabbed the pink, heart shaped container and dumped its contents in the toilet. She watched as the white powder swirled out of her life forever.

She climbed in bed and promised herself to stay motivated again. Before she turned off the light she looked in her mirror and instead of seeing dead sorrowful eyes and the shadow that normally loomed in them, she saw a light.