She pressed the ceramic mug to her pale, chapped lips, taking a final sip of her lukewarm, bitter coffee. The pungent taste stung her raw throat as it made its way into her empty stomach. Ruby Dickens slowly slid out from her usual booth. The tacky, ripped, red leather booth she’d sat at, every morning with her father for as long as she could remember. They’d watch the blue-green lake rushing by and simply enjoy their time together. This morning however, the seat across from her had been vacant. The generally boisterous diner was dead silent aside from the squeaks of her bulky black boots clomping their way to the door. She could feel eyes boring into her from every direction. Bodies slid farther into their booths, as if merely being close to her was a danger. Ruby kept her eyes focused on the exit as bacon-greased fingers, viciously flipped through the pages of the newest paper. The paper Ruby refused to think about. The paper with her father’s inky mugshot filling the cover.
It seemed as if the “Clang, clang,” of the bells descending from the exit, rung as a cue for the civilians of the diner to resume conversation. As the winter air collided with Ruby’s face, she didn’t have to look back over her shoulder to know what they were all mumbling about. Gossip about her family seemed to take over her small town like a forest fire. It all started the night before. The night her father was accused of murder, the night flashing lights surrounded the small home she shared with her parents, the night shrieking sirens pierced her ears, even after the policemen had ridden away. It all happened so fast, her mind felt foggy as she tried to recall the events that took place just a few hours ago. The wailing of her mother, who had now given up hope. The weary, tired eyes of her father as he quietly got into the back of the cop car, being driven away with no explanation.
It was noon by the time Ruby built up the confidence to open the creaky door to her family’s tiny cottage. She no longer felt the sensation of warmth and love as she entered her home. She winced, staring at the walls where, family portraits used to hang and the wooden table, that almost always held fresh, pumpkin muffins. These spots now held disaster. Investigators had picked apart her home. It looked as if a bomb had gone off in their living room and the police had left the debris around her mother; sitting in the same, green, recliner since the night they took her husband away. The exact same spot. Motionlessly, fixedly staring at the wall- frozen. It seemed as if she didn’t believe what had happened. She didn’t want to believe that the man she’d loved for most of her life was capable of murder. The prior night, Ruby couldn’t help but feel empathetic for her mom, and even that morning, she woke up with an aching heart, imagining ways to console her. Now however, a wave of anger filled her body. How could her mom just sit there like that? Doesn’t she realize I’m hurting too? Does she think this is easy for me? She thought to herself. She didn’t know what to think anymore, she stared at her distraught looking mother, coming to the realization of what a coward she was. This wasn’t the first time she sulked away like that, her mother ran away when things got too hard for her. She avoided her struggles by waiting for those around her to pick up her emotional wreckage - adding more weight onto Ruby’s shoulders. Her dad always knew what to do, how to cheer his wife up and have her laughing by the end of the hour. Not this time Ruby thought, wanting to collapse at the idea of her father, trading in his rugged flannel for an orange jump suit.
She couldn’t take this anymore, she wasn’t just going to pretend like nothing happened. She wasn’t going to awkwardly walk around, pretending her house wasn’t a wreck, her family wasn’t a wreck and her life wasn’t a wreck. Because it was. It all was.
“What are doing?” Ruby questioned, trying to steady her shaking voice. Her mom couldn’t even make eye contact while almost whispering,
“Ruby, not now,” obviously trying to sound firm, yet failing miserably.
“If not now, then when Mom? Huh? When are you going to look around and realize that our life is crumbling down and you’re just sitting there like nothing’s happening”
“Ruby,” She repeated, raising her voice. “Don’t speak to me like that, I’m you’re mother”
“Oh really? Because it’s pretty hard to remember that when I’m the only person that’s trying to hold this family together! Do you even care what people are saying around town? Do you not realize how they’re treating dad? When are you going to help him?” She yelled, salty tears slowly swimming down her burning face.
“Help him? Why would I help a disgusting felon out of a place he rightfully belongs?” Her mother shouted, rising from the recliner and throwing her hands wildly. Ruby was taken aback. The disdain building inside of her was like a caged animal finally escaping... it couldn’t be stopped.
“Are you kidding me?!” She shrieked, “You know he didn’t do it! He couldn’t have done it, and of all people I thought you would know that!” Ruby had nothing more to say, she was so confused, so offended and so downright angry that she couldn’t stand being in her mother’s presence anymore. She quickly turned on her heel and ran out of the house, hearing her mom’s unsteady voice calling,
“He’s not the man we thought he was! Face it!” just before the door slammed behind her.
Ruby needed an explanation, she needed to know that the side she was defending was really true. She needed to know her father wasn’t who everyone was suddenly saying he was; and there was only one person that could clarify it all. The snowflake filled wind seemed to match Ruby’s emotions as it furiously whipped her golden hair back. Rather than her usual strolling, her strides were wide and fast, she walked with a purpose; ignoring the frigid conditions biting at her skin through the holes in her frail cardigan. After a long walk, she finally made it. Looking up at the county prison sign, she grasped the metal door knob and took a deep breath.
Blasted with warm air as she stepped into the prison, she was immediately overwhelmed. Her heart beat quickened and she feared the guards surrounding what looked to be the cell entrance might hear it beating in her chest. She stood in front of the door, not knowing where to begin, not knowing if she was ready to go through with this. She slowly walked to the big black desk in front of her as a large police officer asked who she was there to see. She could barely croak her father’s name, immediately feeling a lump forming in her throat and tears waiting behind her eyes. A tall muscular guard told Ruby to follow him in a deep, booming voice. He pushed open a wide door and led her to one side of a glass window. She sat on a small wooden stool, not knowing what to think, not knowing how to feel.
Suddenly her heart stopped, her mind stopped. Her eyes met with her father’s as he entered the room on the other side of the glass, walking to a stool similar to hers. His face looked pained with sadness as he touched a limp hand to the glass, staring into Ruby’s eyes. She held it together. She took a deep breath. She tried to think of what to say. Her contemplations however, were interrupted by her dad’s voice, her best friend’s voice, a possible murderer’s voice,
“Honey...” he began. She couldn’t take this. Her mind was telling her to stay, to ask all the questions that had been absorbing her brain since the night before; but her heart wasn’t ready to be broken once again. Her composure collapsed. She ran.
The tears weren’t controllable anymore. And she quickly realized her life wasn’t controllable anymore either. She pushed through the exit and a quick chill ran up her spine as delicate snowflakes landed on her, now- soggy eyelashes. She ran and ran, all she wanted was to get in her cozy bed and pretend this was all a dream, because she finally realized she’d never be able to face this harsh reality. She sprinted the whole way home, finding slight comfort in the “crunch” her boots made when colliding with the fresh snow.
Her chest heaved with each breath she took as she used her last bit of energy to make it up the gravel pathway leading to her home. Ruby suddenly remembered the fight she’d had with her mother, all the cruel things she’d said about her dad. I may not be ready to see him, but I will defend him Ruby thought, I’m not going in there anytime soon. So many questions formed in her brain, but she was simply too tired to answer any. Wondering where she would go, Ruby found herself wandering in the direction of the lake outside her home. She pushed through the tall grass and remembered the little spot her and her father would always go together. The rushing water of the crystal clear lake was one of the few things that calmed her as a little girl. Any time she was upset her father would take her to their own little spot in the weeds. Suddenly, the only thing she wanted more than her dad, was to escape to that little spot.
Ruby walked through the swampy grass until she located the bright red bench hiding within the weeds. Just like old times. Ruby thought, hopelessly trying to cheer herself up. For some strange reason, she finally felt at home, her mind was finally put at ease. She sat on the cool bench, finally realizing how tired she was. Sighing, she took in the view, and simply ignored her thoughts for just a moment. Peering down at her muddy boots, Ruby noticed a small white envelope tucked under the foot of the paint chipped bench. She curiously pulled it out and brushed the dirt from it. She gasped.
“Ruby- To explain it all” was written across the aging envelope in what looked to be her father’s messy, cursive handwriting. As she ripped open the seal, she put on her reading glasses-- looked out over the lake and her life was never the same again.