I stared at the ground and at my purple converse taking shuffling steps down the hallway. An untied lace had flopped out at the corner, like a tongue sticking out at all the students sauntering by. I thought about stopping in the middle of the hallway to reach down and shove it back behind the front flap, but that would leave me awkwardly kneeling in the middle of the hallway, almost getting run over by everyone around me. I decided I would just remember to do it when I got to class. I didn’t.
      My thoughts and eyes turned back to the faces moving almost robotically to their next destination. What would happen if I were to smile and wave at a complete stranger? Most likely they would react with a surprised look, or perhaps turn back to look for some unseen friend walking behind them, or just stare at me strangely. Chances are they would ignore me and continue on like nothing happened, because after all, why would I be waving at them? I am simply just another face moving in the masses.
      What would happen if I were to wink at a random cute boy who caught my attention? I’ve always wondered what it would be like to wink at someone. Would he return it? Would he stare at me in amazement, or look around at his friends to see if they saw what I did? Would he roll his eyes in disgust and walk away with an uncomfortable stiffness? What if he simply laughed, and then couldn’t stop thinking about it the rest of the day, about the strange girl who winked at him? Maybe I would try it another day.
      In reality, actually doing one of these things is much harder than I thought. It’s not necessarily that I’m too scared to do it. I have an unnatural boldness when it comes to these kind of things. I often struggle starting a simple conversation or making a joke or trying to capture other people’s attention, but I can ask a boy on a date or to be my next slow dance partner without batting an eye. Maybe that’s because I know nothing will ever really happen with the boys I choose. It’s an uncommitted gesture.
      I stare too long at a girl walking by me, urging her to look up at my face. She glances at me for a moment and then away again. Not long enough for me to send a beaming smile, the kind that lights up my face and crinkles my eyes. Passing someone I know, I normally attempt to do an acute half smile, barely deigning to lift the corners of my mouth to show my recognition of them. Perhaps I should show more emotion. My face is often unreadable.
      Another person passes by. This time a tall boy, and I think now I should try to a little wave or flirty hair flip. He hardly looks down to register I am there at all. He is calling to another boy farther up the hallway, completely oblivious to his immediate surroundings. I wonder if he or anyone else has ever noticed the regular girl walking by, with the brown hair and simple clothes, and a purple shoelace sticking out of her converse, obnoxiously wagging up and down like a tree branch caught in the wind.
      Suddenly I see a boy, a certain boy, appear in the sea of students travelling to their classes. I think to myself, now is my chance. I can call out a “hi”, and he will notice me. This all happens too fast and then he has almost past me, and he has headphones in his ears and he is looking somewhere, anywhere but at me. My courage halts along with my words caught at the end of my tongue. I quickly avert my eyes and keep shuffling along.
      Maybe I will try again tomorrow.