[Scene opens onto a small, coffee-skinned girl. She is 10-13 years of age. She is swinging alone; there is no one else around and it is a cloudy and cold day. Her hair is long and put up in cornrows.]

This girl has thoughts, thoughts she does not want to have. She is small for her age, still only 56 inches tall. Her tummy pokes out like a smile, but her face is filled with anger and confusion. She is in opposition to her body, to her mind. She sits there, pushing off with her legs gently. Clinging to the chains, she whispers to herself, an arguement with an invisible friend.
“Girls are really pretty. Mom tells me someday I’ll date guys. What if I want to date a girl, I ask? She smacks me across the butt, tells me to hush. Dad just sits in the living room, rolling his eyes. But what if I do? Is that wrong? I know it’s wrong, no one likes gay people. I wouldn’t even be able to go to sunday school anymore, probably. But Aunt Marcine is a gay, and she’s really nice. Why doesn’t she visit more often? I wouldn’t mind being like Aunt Marcine. But it’s wrong, isn’t it? Why is it wrong? Am I wrong?”

And on she goes, murmuring to herself. She is not here, but some other realm, where she transcends this playground and her stammer and she screams and dances until she cannot breathe. She is vibrant and this world is broken, shattered down the middle. She is alive in a world where she can sing and be heard, where she holds the hand of the cute girl, Kate. Her mother and father smile and give each other meaningful looks, take pictures when she is old enough to go to prom, kiss her at her wedding.

And then a 4 year old boy is screaming on a swing next to her, and his mother is giving her a concerned look, and she is shoved back into this cramped world where she is too scared to speak. She hides behind her smiles and gossips with her friends about boys when all she wants to do is kiss Kate on the cheek. When she is 15, she dates Michael. Michael is secretly dating a boy and thinks she does not know. She knows. She is secretly dating a girl and thinks he does not know. He knows. The girl lives in Canada and has the prettiest, raven hair and speaks spanish at home. Her name is Marie, and she calls the girl, “mi amor.” The girl cannot speak any language but apologies, and at 16 she has her heart broken. She breaks up with Michael and pretends her tears are because of him, not the girl with a pretty accent and a wandering heart.

Years later, she writes a letter to her younger self. She apologises, she apologies for having kept the girl hidden for so long. She weeps for the years she lost pretending to be someone else. She lets the girl know that someday, she meets more cute girls who think she is beautiful. She tells the girl that someday, she will dance at a wedding, and it will be her own. Her parents will not be there, but they send her an engagement gift. She writes to the girl that she knows the girl wants a hug, needs a hug like air. The girl will get this hug and a million more later. The girl does not care about these future friends, but someday she will. Someday the girl will remember her younger years and cry, and there will be people to dry her tears. Someday, she will be free.