The sky is blue, birds are singing, and there's not a cloud in the sky. But not to him. In his eyes all he could see was the dirty playground and the sky looked like a dark gray. Everything looked ugly, dark and sad. All he could see was flaws. He sees the litter and blood stained in the conceat. He saw the trees blowing in the wind waiting for them to fall over. He swade with them in hopes of falling over himself. He thought to himself “when can I finely rest.”  He walks hand in hand with his beautiful bride to be. Listening to her talk but he couldn’t hear a thing. He couldn’t hear her sweet high pitched voice speak softly to him about medical school. He could only hear squawking of  birds flying above heading south for the winter. All he could think about was the events that were soon to come shaking on the inside. She smiles at him as the walk through the fallen leaves. While giving her a fake smile he thought about “How will this ever work she’s so happy could she be happy with me? How would she be happy with a low life like me?” These thoughts ran through his mind like they always did but he never shows any emotion. 
She asks him meaningless questions “like how was your day and how are you feeling?”
He answered dully and zoned out while listening to her speak. She spoke softly about whatever was on her mind.
“Well I wish I was like her carefree and worry free. Would she marry a grump like me?" He thought to himself.
He kept getting down on himself and wondering why should he even bother going through with it while he played with his grandmother's ring in his pocket. He went around the same thoughts in his head.
“When will this be over with,” He thought to himself then sighed. 
He looks down at the fallen leaves to avoid eye contact. Wishing for his death. They walk down a path to her favorite spot. Feeling his heart racing as thoughts of despair came flooding in. He begain dreading everything he ever did. "Is it worth it? Will she even say yes?" He thought to himself. It was sunny and golden all around them. She smiled her warm deep smile and her red lipstick shined in the sun light. “Why can’t I be like her,” He thought to himself getting more frustrated.
Yet still no matter how hard he tried all he could see is everything dying around and the emptiness he felt from it. He wondered what was wrong and hung his head down low. In this peaceful place his mind was like a battlefield, full of dangerous thoughts and traps that keep him hidden inside trapped like a soldier in war. He started to slow down as they reached the river he looked around and his thoughts screamed in his head “I can’t do this she would never want a guy like me!”  He could hardly remember why he came to this spot with this girl. He couldn’t remember all the summer afternoons walking along the path hand in hand. She walked over to the bridge and looks down into the deep water. He remembers that being one of her favorite things to do. He walks over to her and looks down into the freezing water below.
“It looks so empty what does she see that I don’t?” He thought to himself. He took a deep breath. He gets down on one knee and grabs her hand.
“Will you marry me?” He asks her.
She nods her head and starts crying of happiness. But still something isn’t right. He gets down on both knees and starts crying. “Why am I not happy?” He thought himself. His insides burned because he didn’t understand what was happening. He had everything he could ever wish for yet he still couldn’t smile. He couldn't smile for the one he loved.