According to the Department of Justice, “Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient” (“Sexual Assault”).

“Let’s go hike ‘A’ Mountain!” Nathan shouted to our campsite at 3 am, while people were obviously trying to sleep in their tents.

“Nathan, no. Nathan, I am in heels… Nathan… please can we just stay here,” I groaned. It was my first Camp Fargo, and I had not been informed about impromptu hikes.

“Let’s do it!” replied five of the seven at our campsite.

“No! It is 3 in the morning, and I am not hiking up a mountain in heels,” I asserted.

So up the mountain we went. (Okay, I know that hiking a mountain in heels isn’t smart and that giving into peer pressure isn’t smart either… but it was going to be an adventure….) One of the boys had taken a particular interest in my existence and decided to walk next to me. Now, I must admit that every story has two sides, and his story is very different from mine. I will attempt to highlight my own bias and include all parts of the story that I am aware of. 

In my world, people want to be other people’s friends. So when he whispered something to his room-mate and walked up to introduce himself, I assumed he was attempting to welcome a new camper into his Camp-Fargo squad. Later, I would find out that the phrase whispered to his roommate was, “I’ma get with that tonight”.

In my world, people want other people to feel good about themselves. When he told me that I looked pretty, I said thanks and told him it was neat-o that he was in the ROTC. Later, I would find out that he thought I would be a “hot night”.

In my world, people want to help other people. When he helped me up the mountain, I assumed he just didn’t want me to fall and hurt myself due to my poor shoe choices. Later, I would figure out it was his way of “being a nice guy”.

When we finally made it to the top of the mountain, and he grabbed my face and stuck his tongue halfway down my throat, we were no longer in my happy little world.

I pushed away, half stumbling on rock and high-heel, and said, “What the hell, man?”

“What do you mean what the hell? Is it not okay for me to kiss something I find attractive?” He pulled me back in.

I don’t know if it was the high heels or the curled hair, but I somehow mustered the courage to push out of his arms, which were at that point locked around my waste. “Not if she doesn’t want to kiss you.”
“Oh come on, you want to kiss me.” He pulled me back in and again stuck his slimy tongue back into my mouth.

Out of all of the things that have ever come out of my mouth, my response to this boy was by far my favorite. I could have told him about 284,350 victims of sexual assault in America in 2014 (“Chronic Victimization”). Or I could have told him about my two personal friends who were raped in their dorms. Instead I said:

“I don’t want to kiss you, and my ideas are important.” As a child, my mother stressed the importance of my ideas. She consistently repeated to my brother and me that we were important and that people should listen to what we had to say. So when this boy’s tongue entered my non-consenting mouth for the second time, I did not think about the fact that someone is sexually assaulted every 107 seconds (“How Often”). I thought about how he wasn’t acknowledging my idea of not kissing this boy I just met.

All too often, when I see campaigns about safe-sex and consent and definitions of sexual assault, campaigns such as ASU’s ‘I Always Get Consent’ campaign, the focus is on saying yes or saying no (“I ALWAYS Get Consent!”). They don’t talk about all of the other things that can be said and also learned through these interactions. For example...

When I said to this guy on the mountain, “I would not like you to grab my butt,” and he said, “But you have been leading me on all night,” I learned that I should not talk about marching band with a boy I have just met because he will then think that I have invited him to grab me.

When I said, “Please stop, this is weird,” and he said, “No, it’s not, we’re in college,” I learned that sexual assault on a mountain is not weird in college.

When I started to walk away and said, “No, thank you! I would not like your help down the mountain,” and he said, “Wow, I’m a good guy. I don’t know why you think I am so bad,” I learned that people who ignore my ideas about my body still sometimes think that they are good people.

When I pushed away and he pulled back, I learned that despite my belief that I am stronger than men, my physical push was not stronger than his pull.

However, due to the proximity of my friends and my pulling us back around the mountain to the group, I did not end up like the estimated 300,000 women who are raped each year (“Chronic Victimization”). I was blessed with the opportunity to leave the situation quickly and quietly and return to safety.

I do not often feel the need to contact people who are rude to me, but there are a few things that I would like this unnamed boy to know. 1) When you kiss girls, make sure they would also like to kiss you. 2) I am not an object, so your statement about ‘getting with that tonight’ is grammatically incorrect. 3) With regards to my body, my idea about what should or shouldn’t happen is the only thing that is important.


Works Cited
"Chronic Victimization." Encyclopedia of Criminology and Criminal Justice(2014): 338. Office
of Justice Programs. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Web. 23 Nov. 2015.
.
"How Often Does Sexual Assault Occur?" RAINN. Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network,
n.d. Web. 23 Nov. 2015.
.
“I ALWAYS Get Consent!” I ALWAYS Get Consent! Arizona State University's I ALWAYS Get
Consent! Campaign, n.d.
Web. 23 Nov. 2015. .
"Sexual Assault." Sexual Assault. The United States Department of Justice, n.d. Web. 23 Nov.
2015. .