Innocence is an importance if lost by a teenage girl. It changes you and after you lose your innocence things will never be the same. Some girls lose it by consent, but others don’t. The other girls aren’t so fortunate because they lost a piece of them that they will never get back by someone who doesn’t give a damn about them. I am unfortunately one of the many girls that have had my innocence taken from me without my consent.

People say that you are more likely to have your innocence taken from you if you are wearing provocative clothes, but what about me? I wasn’t being provocative or looking attractive in any way. The incident happened when I was wearing my hair in a loose messy bun, a loose black Nike sweatshirt, and black sweats. What part of what I was wearing was provocative? That’s right nothing, because the person who took my innocence was looking for his target to wear clothes easily taken off and hair up so he can hold it tightly.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It’s etched in my brain even though it happened almost a year ago. I had just gotten my license and I wanted to drive everywhere no matter where it was. My mom needed some tomatoes to use for dinner and of course I had volunteered to drive to the store and get them. She had told me to be careful since it was dark outside and I was more likely to be kidnapped. Of course I laughed at her comment and as I was going out the door I yelled that I was going to the store then had an appointment to be raped by a random guy. Little did I know that this would actually be my fate.

As I walked to my crappy 2003 Toyota Camry, I unlocked the doors and reached under my seat to pull the trunk latch. I threw the groceries in the back of my trunk and walked back to the driver side door. My hand barely touched the door handle before I felt a strong grip grab me around my stomach and another hand around my mouth. It had felt like a movie scenario with no one around to see what was happening. I screamed and screamed but no one had seemed to hear my cries. The person keeping hold of me quickly took me to a typical white rapist van. He threw me in and launched himself in there with me too. As he went to shut the door I kicked him against it and tried to leave out the back trunk window which was locked of course. By the time I tried for the driver seat door I had felt a strong force hit the back of my head and knock me unconscious.

When I woke up I felt sloppy kisses upon my lips. I tried to push him off of me but he wouldn’t budge because he was so forceful. As I screamed and cried I heard him laughing. He was laughing at me struggling to be free. Who would do this? Why would you try and take something that’s not yours? Laughing and my struggling was all that I heard that night. Laughing as he took my clothes off my body. Laughing at my cries when he entered me without permission. Laughing at me losing my innocence. He kept whispering in my ear, telling me that I was so beautiful and that i’d make a perfect wife.

When he was finally done using me for the night he started the van and told me that he was taking me home to live with him. I knew that I couldn’t let this happen so I tried fighting again. This time my fighting worked. I threw a couple of punches towards the back of his head and luckily for me I knocked him unconscious as he did to me. The doors were all locked with pad locks so there was no way I could escape through there so I kicked and kicked at his windshield. The glass finally shattered and I had managed to only get a few pieces of glass in my legs and feet, but at least I knew that I could be free.

Luckily when I had escaped I knew exactly where I was so I ran to my car. I ran as fast as I could because I didn’t want him to wake up and come after me. I wasn’t wearing any clothes but I didn’t care, I didn’t care about the people staring at me wondering what I was doing. When I reached my car I realized that I had my keys on the floor along with my phone, but the trunk was wide open with my tomatoes gone. I quickly grabbed my belongings on the floor, got in my car and rushed home.

To this day I haven’t told anyone what happened. I haven’t told my boyfriend, my parents, nor the police. I feel too embarrassed to. I know that they’ll ask me what happened and have me explain it in detail which is too hard for me. Ever since that night I’ve had night terrors almost every night. Each nightmare is the same, it’s about the man who stole my innocence. I can’t sleep most nights without waking up crying or screaming. I especially can’t open up to anyone sexually because all I feel is his energy around me. Everytime I want to embrace myself with my boyfriend I can’t because i’m scared that i’ll be hurting again and it will be forceful. Losing my innocence has made me scared. I’m scared to trust anyone and especially scared to go out in public by myself.