I walked passed the memorial garden and through the large double doors into the hospital. Today would be the start of many things. It would change my life for better or for worse, I’m not really sure. I walked past pediatrics and all the young moms holding their brand new babies that are living in their warm happy bubble where not a thing could go wrong, still new and not aware of this damaging world we live in. I wish I could live in a bubble. I stepped onto the elevator and push seven. Floor seven is where all the magic would happen. I walked off and went to find the front desk lady.
“Name?” she questioned.
“Katie, Katie Wallace,” I stuttered. “Thank you, you can take a seat and we’ll call you when we’re ready hon,” she smiled.
I sat down and slowly watched the clock tick, watching my life go before my eyes. I replayed memories in my head of Jake and I getting married on the beach, our honeymoon in Jamaica, meeting for the first time at Ridge bakery and staying up until one to watch chick flicks that I made him suffer through. I thought about our future kids, we had agreed on four. Two boys and two girls, and we would live in the white brick house with navy shutters and a white picket fence on the corner of cherry circle. Will I be here to make more memories?; I reflected to myself as tears filled my eyes.
“Katie!”. I jumped and quickly stood up as I heard my name being called, wiped my face and followed the nurse. She smiled and complimented me. I’m not sure about what, I was so caught up in the moment I couldn’t think straight. She seemed like a nice, warm lady, which made me feel like everything was going to be okay.
I followed her into a clinical room. It was white, almost completely empty except for pink sterile cabinets with a bed on wheels in the corner. I felt a cold breeze blowing through the room that made me shiver, and inhaled that sharp alcohol smell that hospitals reek of. I sat down on the bed and the nurse explained to me that she could shave my head today before chemo starts or I could slowly let it fall out. I chose now, I couldn’t bear the thought of the constant reminder of my disease as I watch my hair slowly fall out over time.
The nurse reached for the scissors and then the clippers in the drawer. I watched her plug it in. She touched my shoulder, “Are you ready to do this?”, I nodded, tears filling my eyes and my body shivered seeking warmth. I heard buzzing as I felt my hair calmly drift down my back and onto the empty floor. It felt like days, maybe even months before I heard the it stop. Where is Jake?, I wish he had come, I should have asked him. I knew he would be here for the tougher things down the road, but I wanted him now. I need him here now, I thought to myself.
The buzzing stopped and the nurse spun me around leaving me to look at my reflection. “I’ll just give you a moment.”, she smiled. I looked at myself up and down, who is this lady? Who had I become in the short ten minutes that it took for her to shave my head completely hairless? The cancer is starting to define me, I thought. I’m one of those people who will now be stared at everywhere she goes, and one of those people who practically lives at the hospital. I didn’t want to be one of those people.
I stood up rubbing my brand new head, smooth, never been touched before without hair and walked off the oncology floor. I knew I would be back soon for chemo and other treatment, but I would be ready. I would be ready to beat this dreadful disease. This was simply just a bump in the road, and I would beat it.